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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Shall I contact him or let it go?

40 replies

JK1773 · 26/10/2019 12:03

God this is going to sound ridiculous for a woman in my 40s but here goes.
I live in a small town. Been happily single a few years now. Got great friends and we go out locally every weekend.
Several months ago a guy started coming into our local most weekends. He gradually became friends with us and chatting to us. He’s separated with a young child. Lives and works away from our town but was home each weekend as one of his parents lives here. Saw his child during the week etc but he wanted more time with them.
We got quite close really. We swapped numbers but haven’t communicated by phone or text. We did kiss one night which was nice.
So he hasn’t been around for a few weeks. I actually miss seeing him. I love my single life and wouldn’t give it up lightly but this is the first guy who has triggered any romantic interest in me for years!!
I have his number and I’m tempted to send him a text. I want to know if he’s likely to be coming back, has he got back with his ex? Does he now have his child at weekends? He’s just disappeared. I think about him a lot. If that’s the end of his visits I’d like to know so I stop looking out for him and put him out of my head. I’m also mindful that I’ve only ever seen him when I’m in drink which isn’t ideal and I’m conscious he might just think I’m an idiot! I’m not, I have a very stressful job and tend to just let my hair down at weekends.
WWYD? Send him a friendly text or just leave it and assume his life has moved on now? Confused

OP posts:
StealthMama · 26/10/2019 12:06

I'd totally send him a friendly text, just ask how he is getting on as you haven't seen him around. He gave you his number after all.

Hassled · 26/10/2019 12:07

If your friendly text was ignored, or if he replied saying "yes, all good thanks - back with Ex/met someone new and wonderful" would that knock you for six? How resilient are you? It might just be better to let it go and move on with the happy knowledge that there are nice guys out there - if you've met one, you'll meet another.

ShitOnIt78 · 26/10/2019 12:09

I don't see anything wrong with texting him to see how he is generally as you would any other friend.

JK1773 · 26/10/2019 12:14

I’d be fine absolutely if the text was ignored or the response wasn’t what I’d ideally want. Although I of course hope he’s happy. That would be an answer of sorts and I could stop wondering what’s going on. He’s got my number too and hasn’t text me. Maybe I’m just over thinking it!

OP posts:
crappyday2018 · 26/10/2019 12:18

Well one of you needs to make the first move. He might be saying the same. Just text him "hey how are you? just checking in as I've not seen you for a while".
If you don't, you will always wonder......

FabbyChix · 26/10/2019 12:20

Text him nothing to lose

Unluckyinlove2019 · 26/10/2019 12:21

Deffo need to message him! You'll be wondering 'what if' forever otherwise!
Agree a friendly hi how are you msg is best, not seen you around etc etc
And then let us know how you get on!

Lorddenning1 · 26/10/2019 12:23

I also think you should text him, just a friendly one, you don't have anything to lose.

Rachierach11 · 26/10/2019 12:25

Definitely text him. Keep it breezy but ask why you haven't seen him for a while. Good luck!

crappyday2018 · 26/10/2019 12:27

Also, the fact you swapped numbers and neither of you ever texted is probably why he hasn't been in touch!!

JK1773 · 26/10/2019 12:34

Oooo I’ve done it Blush

OP posts:
Lorddenning1 · 26/10/2019 12:50

What did you say???

FavouriteSoul · 26/10/2019 12:52

Don't be heartbroken if he texts back 'who is this?'

Startingoveragain1 · 26/10/2019 13:36

Well done op! Lets see what he replies!!

JK1773 · 26/10/2019 13:43

I just asked him how he was as not seen him for a while. He’ll either reply or not. Let’s see Grin

OP posts:
SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 26/10/2019 13:47

We need to hear the result! Grin

Interestedwoman · 26/10/2019 13:50

Oooo, please keep us in the loop. :) Best wishes xxx

amillionwishes · 26/10/2019 13:53

Oh op I hope he at least replies! Let us know!

HalloweenCandyLeBonBon · 26/10/2019 13:54

Hope he gets back to you op

ShitOnIt78 · 26/10/2019 15:13

Fingers crossed!!! 🤞

Lovethetimeyouhave · 26/10/2019 15:52

Has he replied?

JK1773 · 26/10/2019 20:37

Well he hasn’t replied. The message I sent says ‘delivered’ but doesn’t say ‘read’. He does go abroad a lot for work (middle east type places). He’s either away or blanking me. Who knows. Hey ho

OP posts:
vvbrownxo · 27/10/2019 01:56

Any news?!

Startingoveragain1 · 27/10/2019 06:55

Anything yet?

ConfCall · 27/10/2019 07:33

You’ve done the right thing whatever the outcome. You’d be wondering “what if?” otherwise.