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Relationships

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Original poster

huge crush on coworker - part 2

29 replies

aubz88 · 25/10/2019 16:47

So this is a spin-off of my other thread.

I guess a weekend away and some flirting with an attractive coworker has left me in a right state. I'm very attracted to my coworker.

My husband is a very dedicated father to our kids; he's a stay home dad. However, he has allowed the arrival of kids to completely derail our sex life and romantic life.

He says he's too tired after a day with the kids for sex. OK that leaves the weekend and a maximum of 3 times a month for sex. I have a high sex drive and it's hard for me. If he would 'get the job done' and provide a good shag I think I could live with the 2-3 times a month.

The problem is that doesn't happen. No foreplay, no lovemaking, no sensuality; he just shoves it in and sometimes if he feels like it he'll do a good job. I'm very frustrated. I've tried talking to him about it but he just makes excuses like: Oh, the kids will wake up. He's tired.

It's the lack of sensuality and complete intimacy that's really the problem rather than technique. We just have no 'spark' in our marriage and on top of the he has no sense of adventure outside of the bedroom. He doesn't want to go on family trips or take the kids out because it's too much work. He doesn't plan ahead or for the future at all.

I guess this situation with my coworker made me realise what I could be missing out on. I'm far more excited by this coworker than by my husband.

Our life is too boring for me and my husband appears to be content with it. He refuses to get a babysitter or a creche and I went to university of 6 years so I don't want to be a stay at home parent. He should of thought about that before. He also won't get a babysitter so we can go out for a date. He says he doesn't want a stranger looking after his kids.

OP posts:

baileys6904 · 25/10/2019 17:48

This reply has been deleted

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AnyFucker · 25/10/2019 17:50

Again ?

Give it a fucking rest already

Mrsmememe · 25/10/2019 17:52

If this was a woman posting and the boot was on the other foot, you’d still get a bashing.
I always think the signs of the beginning of the end of a relationship is when you start crushing elsewhere.

Krazynights34 · 25/10/2019 17:53

Would you be so down on your DH if this chap hadn’t touched you? It sounds like your colleague isn’t actually interested but even if he is, are you not just asking for permission to fuck him? After all, you could tell your DH how you feel, perhaps even about the huge crush. Your DH probably thinks he is doing his best and has no idea what you feel. Tell him. Otherwise, shagging the other guy or not, it’s cruel.

BucketOfTheDetective · 25/10/2019 17:55

I can just imagine the responses if this were a man posting this...

Itsallgonewoowoo · 25/10/2019 18:44

A second thread is t needed, you are not going to get better answers. You are ignoring all the replies pointing out the ridiculous position you are in. A brief flirt from a guy who was probably looking for a no strings shag and you're panting. Yes it was fun for you but he's a nasty cheat and you are lining yourself up to be one too, if he is still interested now he's back home. Your poor DH.

MsPavlichenko · 25/10/2019 18:45

Maybe arrange the babysitter yourself.

ISawyouinTescoyesterday · 25/10/2019 18:58

Seriously. I agree with @AnyFucker

firstoffence · 25/10/2019 19:57

Option A. Nurture and work on your existing family and sex life.
Option B. Start a fling with your co-worker and risk option A.
I’m not going to make a moral judgement as I’m no saint but you know the choices and you also know the likely consequences.

Mordred · 25/10/2019 20:38

Following the Script, cheater...

PicsInRed · 25/10/2019 20:47

Does he prevent you from hiring childcare? Do you have access to money other than what he will give to you?

What do you mean "just shoves it in"?
Do you want the sex he is having with you?

PicsInRed · 25/10/2019 20:48

Oh...he's a SAHD. 2nd question still stands.

HollowTalk · 25/10/2019 20:48

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hohum4 · 25/10/2019 20:53

Name changed. I've got a crush on a co-worker. I've just returned to work after Mat leave. I love my DH but I have no sex drive. Co-worker is sexy and handsome and gives me the flutters. It's harmless flirting and gives me a little thrill in the office.

Muddledfeelings · 25/10/2019 20:54

If you're not happy OP then you're not happy and you shouldn't stay in an unhappy marriage.

But don't let a crush be the reason you end your marriage. I think you need to seriously move on from your crush. Try again with your DH because he doesn't sound like a bad person. And if you're still not happy then so be it. But please first concentrate on your marriage and stop letting lust cloud your judgement.

P.s. can you imagine cheating or leaving your DH for a fling with this guy and it turns out that he isn't a "good shag" either.

JorisBonson · 25/10/2019 21:03

Oh let me write a second post and see if people give me the answers I want.

FFS.

Joeler · 25/10/2019 21:17

You've only had this crush a few days,it'll blow over.There's no deep meaningful connection here,this 25 year old got a bit drunk,a bit flirty (and after you went home for your shower) probably got flirty with another few "lucky" ladies. Why don't you take a week of annual leave,spend it with your family,bond,chill out,laugh together.The spark may come back,your husband will be less tired with your help. He may get his libido back.

bakesalesally · 26/10/2019 00:55

Dfod

MonsterMashedSpud · 26/10/2019 01:07

Grow up.

You sound obsessed with your co-worker.

DH is home bringing up your kids and you want to cheat with some slimy guy who has a girlfriend because he said he wants to shower with you?
Do your DH a favour and leave him so he can find someone decent.

wherestheotherone · 26/10/2019 05:31

You, you, you, you, you. I feel sorry for your partner. I wouldn't have sex with you either.

dottiedodah · 26/10/2019 06:57

I think with young children ,many couples sex lives take a back seat for a while TBH! Is your husband happy being a SAHP? Does he feel emasculated do you think? Tiredness can be a sign of depression as well .You say he doesnt want to go out very much .Maybe a P/T job would help him .Many young Fathers have this sort of problem where their wives are tired and not feeling like Sex. The problem is if someone else flatters you ,you are bound to take it seriously as you are not getting attention at home .Do you have any friends who may sit for you? I think in the long run ,he needs to address his priorties as he is neglecting you and many marriages will come apart if one person feels their needs are not being met.Can you see if he would come to some counselling at all?

carolina21 · 26/10/2019 09:07

Amazing with child and husband all someone can think about is snagging there co worker . Poor husband he deserve better so do your kids

daisychain01 · 26/10/2019 09:09

OP you've got the title of this thread wrong.

Remember your other thread, you said you'd start a new thread about your marital problems, but lo and behold, you're still grinding on about your colleague crush.

You have to go to the root cause of the problem. Which is your lack of self-esteem. You think other people are put on earth to make you feel good about yourself. No, wrong.

You've got to do a lot of work on yourself otherwise you'll be constantly clinging onto the flotsam and jetsam in life like this twattish colleague who you think likes you, even though he has a girlfriend.

Give your head a wobble and get real - oh and get back to work before you get dismissed for not doing what you're being paid for (hint: it isn't flirting with male colleagues)

HTH

simone1863 · 26/10/2019 09:24

I went to university of 6 years so I don't want to be a stay at home parent. He should of thought about that before.

Did you have to keep resitting or something? Because with all that education you should know it's 'should have'.

Original poster

aubz88 · 28/10/2019 19:38

I've never actually phoned a babysitter to try to do anything but he said he won't allow it. Only if he knew the person before.

One time I wanted to go to a national park not too far away and after working 5 days I had to get up at 5 and pack all the bags and make it happen. I had to drag him. Once there we all had a good time and the kids were delighted. My daughter talked about it for days. It's hard for me to do all the remembering, and planning when I'm gone 10 hrs a day.

My husband doesn't romance me or do any foreplay. He just 'shoves it in'. It's usually decent but he wants to go back to normal immediately but I want to cuddle. There's an element of sensuality that's not always there.

I'm not going to do anything about this coworker. I'll probably have a crush on him for a long time though.

My husband is not interested in working part time. He refuses to use any childcare whatsoever and refuses to work at night or on the weekend. He says it's unlikely that the shops have the exact shifts that are needed. I don't agree with this but I can't do anything about it.

OP posts:

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