Hi all,
Seeking a little bit of advice regarding my marriage and loss of any type of sexual spark. I have been with my now wife for 11 years (married 6) since we were both 18 having met at university and I love her dearly, though I am really concerned for our future.
She is wonderful in pretty much all ways however we've always had a challenging sex life. I was her first and intercourse has always been very painful for her, however after trying half a dozen or so times in the early days of our relationship we kind of gave up on the idea and managed to meet our needs through other methods. I was generally OK with this and always felt that sex should be mutually enjoyable so wouldn't want her to be in pain. We also assumed that things would improve.
Over the years however we've gone from being intimate maybe a few times a week down to barely once a month. I have tried to talk about and admittedly have been at times naggy and frustrated, though by and large I don't mention it and I am a few times (I have only ever mentioned it seriously about 4 times in 8 years) am usually supportive and do my best to be understanding, however she just doesn't seem to want to discuss the matter. Responses have ranged from denying any problem, to crying, to saying we'll make an effort to even pretending she hasn't heard me. I have tried to seek clarity on if she is happy and I just seem to get nothing back.
My ow and feelings have switched from frustration, to sadness and I am now at a point where I just feel ambivalent and as if I don't care, and that is a bit frightening. She mentioned the other days I seem to have withdrawn from her which admittedly I have been but I know telling her the truth (that I'm fed up of being rejected so have lost the will with it) is only going to upset her.
I'm worried for a host of reasons as outside of sex she is wonderful in every way, though I do feel hurt and rejected. I am also concerned about the future as we're both only in our late 20s and have no children, so I can't imagine where we can go if ever we do have kids. I also worry as she would like to start a family in a few years but doesn't seem to see the massive elephant in the room that we can't do the physical act, seemingly barely do anything intimate and can't even talk about it.
Any views or thoughts welcome to a desperate husband who loves his wife and doesn't want to give up, but doesn't know where to turn