Narcissistic mother in law

[ismellofroses]

So just want to know if anyone has any experiences with this?

She isn't my mother in law just my bfs mum but god I'm really struggling with her!

My bf always does everything to please her even at the cost of my happiness?

Don't know what to do?

Well I had the conversation with him last night!
He u dear tops everything I was saying but then said "but she's my mum, what am I ment to do?"
So I just told him to read up on it first and educate himself.

And you should have answered, “Go home and ask your bloody mother!”

People can be arseholes without being a narcissist. That word is bandied around MN like no one's business. In actual fact there are very few narcissistic people around.

That's the thing what if she's just a dick?

I can quite easily distance myself from her and never need to see her so finishing with him because of her just seems unnecessary.

He is genuinely shocked by what's he's read so is going to go low contact with her until he can move out!

I have told him to treat her like she treats him and see how she likes it.
Probably the wrong advice but I wouldn't put up with it

He may never decide to move out mind you. Enmeshment is a very powerful thing and its a destructive dance of codependency.

Reign in your terrible need to help people through counselling if necessary. Such people pleasing does you no favours at all.

Yea I keep thinking about getting therapy for this as it's awful....I can't say no to another one and it has got me in trouble before 🤦🏻‍♀️

Just don't no what counselling you go for it's a mind field

In actual fact there are very few narcissistic people around

There are no accurate facts on the percentages of individuals with this disorder since most narcisstic individuals do not seek a diagnosis. The known victims of NPD is high and very high conflict divorces are thought to a result of this disorder. It is thought to be more prevalent than previously imagined and studies confirm it is definitely on the increase.
Either way if a person is just arsehole, without empathy, or has full blown NPD the impact is the same as it relates to personality and cannot be changed easily (if at all).

You say you can avoid her but her shadow will be cast over your relationship. Don't underestimate this..every family event or interaction will cause drama. Do you really want this in your children's lives?

Well it's been 2 years and my kids have never met her.
Tbh they have such a good family network from my exh side that I don't see why they would need to meet her.

She doesn't do anything she doesn't want to do can't imagine a scenario where she would have to meet them.

Am I naive in that way?

@ismellofroses
You say you have two little boys.
You certainly don’t want a third.
As nice as your BF sounds he has been emasculated by this awful woman .

God this sucks

Probably easier to date a grownup who knows how to find his own house for him & his puppies.

Well it's more like he's in the annex that he pays rent for....but yea maybe your right!

That's as maybe @techway but the OP has described her as being narcissistic and other posters have suggested to her books for her to read on how to deal with narcissistic people, despite the fact this is merely a description from the OP, not an official diagnosis like.

I have given this some more thought too... has it occurred to you that perhaps his mother has become sick and tired of him treating HER house as a dog hotel and wants her ADULT son to sort his shit out and move on? It would annoy the hell out of me if my place was somewhere for my kid’s dogs to be left while he went and shagged his girlfriend.

@Spidey66, I don't think there is any harm on reading books on narcisstic personality as they tend to validate your experience, and encourage boundaries.
As a self confessed rescuer the OP would benefit from these strategies, especially as a mum to 2 dc as these are useful for all relationships.

@justilou1
He lives on an annex on the side of his parents house which he pays his rent separately to the landlord!
But yes I get where your coming from with him keep leaving his dogs with her....but they live on a farm and she has 3 of her own. He leaves them 1 night a week for 3 hours sometimes she offers to have them and then others she moans at him....u never no what mood your going to get her in

She could very well be HIS convenient scapegoat. It is very easy to blame everything on your mummy when you’re 20.

Does he have siblings, does he get on with them, and whereabouts is he in the pecking order?

I strongly suspect that he is the family scapegoat and a sibling is the golden child.

Does he have siblings, does he get on with them, and whereabouts is he in the pecking order?

I strongly suspect that he is the family scapegoat and a sibling is the golden child.

No he's an only child