Please can someone help

[justranout]

I don't even know where to begin. Married almost 10 years. Two dc.

We have drifted apart. Money is tight and I have ended up working from home but the only time I get is evenings so we don't see each other. We both exhausted. I'm up till 2am sometimes.

He wants to split up. He's deprsssed. Says we're more like friends. He doesn't feel the same way about me but he still loves me.

I can't cope. I admit I'm completely out of it. I've been on and off meds for depression and anxiety all my life. And if I'm honest I need them again now.

The last I don't know how long I've not even been living in the real world. It's like I've created a daydream for me to exist in where I'm happy and successful and have friends. Reality is shit for me. Really. I don't know why I bother. My only saving grace are my dc but I'm a shit mother. I could do more. I'm just so tired. And always happy to be living in my dream world.

I'm not even sure this makes sense. I see other people and I don't know how they do it. Like normal relationships. Maintaining friends.

We had another tearful conversation where we just go round in circles. He won't try therapy. He doesn't have those feelings for me any more. And I left.

Now I'm sitting in my car. In the car park of a forest trying to hide my tears from all the dog walkers. And I don't know what I'm doing any more.

And I've got no one to talk to and even if I did what the fuck would I say.

Sorry. I don't know what I'm even saying any more. I just can't cope

See your GP as an emergency appointment on Monday hun, or go to A&E. The shit you're having to deal with is hard, but get your mental health as well treated as possible and you'll be able to cope with it better. Xxx

I'm worried you're on your own by the forest, with how you feel. If I was your friend, I would want to at least be allowed to sit with you so you didn't feel so alone. Is there anyone at all you can ring? I've been there and have made calls to people I wasn't sure I could talk to and they were more than OK with listening and talking me down or making me feel I wasn't alone. Helps to hear someone else's voice sometimes. I don't have any relationship advice, your OH sounds pretty final. But the usual get your ducks in a row and see your GP are definitely important. But I'm concerned about you going through this in your own.

That sounds like such a difficult situation. If you want to talk to someone now you can phone the Samaritans on 116 1223 (it's free). They are so kind and will listen to whatever you have to say.
Can you see your GP first thing tomorrow? And get DH to see his, or ask your GP for support with that too?

I think you're right. You do need to be back on your meds. You sound horribly depressed. And whilst being back on them won't totally solve your problems, they will make you feel so much stronger and able to cope with what life is throwing at you. I just stay on mine now, a low kind of maintenance dose, and it just seems to make me just that bit more resilient. So as the other poster said, speak to GP or whoever and get some help xx

Oh sweetheart xx I’m so sorry you’re feeling so rubbish. It sounds like you’ve been under huge pressure for a long time.

Is there anyone you can call or go to? You shouldn’t be sat alone in your car feeling like this.

If not I echo calling the Samaritans

You will get through this even though it feels atm that you won’t

And btw I very much doubt you’re a shit mum xxx

Thank you. You have no idea how much your messages mean to me

I rang nhs. Am waiting for a doctor to call me back.

@justranout has the doctor called you back yet? Are you still out or at home?

I am so sorry you are feeling like this. I think you are disassociating which is something somebody does under immense stress. Samaritans are a great help and also if you feel really bad perhaps call the NHS direct number 111 and they might be able to help with getting immediate treatment.

Sorry just read you have already phoned NHS xx good luck OP xx

It sounds as if both of you are depressed and in need of help. But you need to put yourself first and get your own MH back under control. You can’t help him from where you are. I totally understand about not living in the real world - I didn’t really realise how disconnected I’d become until the meds helped me ‘back to life’
Internet friends are not as good as real friends but there are plenty of us here who will metaphorically hold your hand. You can get through this x

Thank you so much. I'm in tears reading it

@Kit19 no. I'm still out. I can't face going back. No call back yet from drs. It's been over five hours. They said I was an emergency case and the call handlers rang me twice to check in but nothing for hours now

Oh lovely, I am so sorry you are feeling like this.
Do you feel able to go back?
It’s getting late. Have you eaten?
It will be alright you know.

@justranout
Are you ok? Things will get better.
Take heart

Everyone is special and you are no exception. X

Well said @firstoffence

How are you this morning @justranout ?

Your MH comes first. Im so sorry you're going through this. If you see my posts, my dp is very similar, depressed and stressed and told me he wants to split 3 days ago. Im also a long-term antidepressant user/therapy for various reasons. Get back on the meds asap as they take their time to kick in. Self care comes first now, any sort of self care ( even a little game of candy crush or whatever distracts you. Try startin to detach your self from the situation a little bit and look at it as a witness, not the one living it. Know you are strong enough to ride the wave. Youre not alone, feel free to direct measage if you need some venting op.

Thank you so much.

I don't know how I feel. Holding it together for the kids but they've gone now and I just feel like I'm going to collapse

The dr rang at 5.30am. I missed the call but the message was basically to make a gp appointment. So I'm going in this morning.

I'm sorry you're also going through this startingoveragain. I just feel so lost.

He says there's nothing I can do which just drives me insane. But I think he wants me to be ok with his idea that we'll just be friends and do happy family days out for the kids. And I'm like I can't go there. I can't break up our family without even trying first. But he has it in his head we'll be happier as friends. And everything just revolves around that.

((((((()))))) hugs @justranout yes doctors appts will help

It’s so hard but you don’t have to be happy with what HE wants. I know it would be much easier for him if you were - it would mean he wouldbt have to deal with troublesome things like your feelings but life isn’t like that. He has no right to require you to minimise your pain

Is he prepared to try couples counselling at all or is he adamant it’s over?

That’s good about the gp appointment. Be kind to yourself, you know that inner voice that can be critical and negative, try switching it to positive. Imagine you are your own best friend. I really hope things work out for you.

Thank you for everyone's help.

I'm back on sertraline. I don't think it's started working yet.

Managed to get dh to agree to see relate. But our appointment this week has been pushed back to next week.

I also think it's pointless. He has already decided. He's doing the counselling for me.

He said he doesn't love me any more. We're barely speaking. It's so awful. I'm in tears all the time.

I don't know what to do. I always see these strong women on here saying well fine and getting their ducks in a row. But I can't cope without him. Everything in my life is linked to him. He is very important in work. I will lose my job there freelancing.

I can't get him to talk to me. He's so cold it's just heartbreaking. He says he doesn't want to hurt me but I don't know what the fuck he thinks this is doing.

It's also my 40th this weekend. We were supposed to be doing something nice with the kids. I just want to curl up in a ball.

Good to hear ure back on the meds. Be patient until they start kicking in. Youre obviously still in shock (im going through something very similar if u read my posts) . What arr your partner's plans? Has he made any? If he is depressed, is he doing anything about it?

@Startingoveragain1 I'm so sorry this is happening to you too. Has he left yet? Or are you in this weird limbo too?

He doesn't have a plan. He's said he can afford a flat nearby. But I don't see how as a few weeks ago he was moaning about money.

I've managed to get him to see relate. But it's not till Thursday. And I don't think he actually wants anything to happen. It's more to say he's done it. He keeps saying we can't fix it but he'll see what they say.

He's told some friends. And I'm pretty sure he's told his parents but he's lied to me about that. Now I've got it into my head there's another woman at least on the scene. I can't get why else he would be so cold and indifferent to me.

Hope you're ok. I'm not much support. But if there's anything I can do please let me know

@justranout We are in limbo too. He has no plans to leave. Keeps blowing hot and cold. Its a very confusing situation that is starting to tear me down. Sometimes its clear he is moving on, other times he still refers to the future together. He is avoiding going to the doctors so at this point i dont think i can do anything else for him. He doesnt want to have serious conversations either. Im trying to start looking at life as me and the kids and detach from him as much as possible. I dont even think he has told anybody (ive only told my sister ) and have noone else to talk to. Sometimes i feel im losing ny mind and ill never find happiness again. The rest of the time i function on autopilot. Hopeypu have an ok sunday. Here if u need to vent ❤

@Startingoveragain1 oh I'm sorry. What do you want? Can you even think straight to see what you want out of all this?

I think that's why I find it so hard. Everything seems out of my hands. It's all up to him. I think you're right. Taking back some control. Even if it is just in not allowing things to upset you is the way to go.

It's my birthday. And all I've done is cry so I'm having a bit of a pity party. I can't tell my family either. My dad is seriously ill and waiting for several operations. The last thing they need is this.