Please can someone help

[justranout]

I don't even know where to begin. Married almost 10 years. Two dc.

We have drifted apart. Money is tight and I have ended up working from home but the only time I get is evenings so we don't see each other. We both exhausted. I'm up till 2am sometimes.

He wants to split up. He's deprsssed. Says we're more like friends. He doesn't feel the same way about me but he still loves me.

I can't cope. I admit I'm completely out of it. I've been on and off meds for depression and anxiety all my life. And if I'm honest I need them again now.

The last I don't know how long I've not even been living in the real world. It's like I've created a daydream for me to exist in where I'm happy and successful and have friends. Reality is shit for me. Really. I don't know why I bother. My only saving grace are my dc but I'm a shit mother. I could do more. I'm just so tired. And always happy to be living in my dream world.

I'm not even sure this makes sense. I see other people and I don't know how they do it. Like normal relationships. Maintaining friends.

We had another tearful conversation where we just go round in circles. He won't try therapy. He doesn't have those feelings for me any more. And I left.

Now I'm sitting in my car. In the car park of a forest trying to hide my tears from all the dog walkers. And I don't know what I'm doing any more.

And I've got no one to talk to and even if I did what the fuck would I say.

Sorry. I don't know what I'm even saying any more. I just can't cope

OP you are lovely but please stop putting everyone else before yourself!

Oh and happy birthday! 40 is a great age to start living a life that you will enjoy.

Does he ever give you a present silent treatment?

@justranout i want to work it out more than anything but i think he is too far gone and if he doesnt get mh help nothings gonna improve.. he suddenly decided we needes to split up . Ive veen walking on eggshells, watchin my mouth, bendin backwards to try and make it easier for him (he is goin thtough some midlife crisis and dealing with a new chronic ilness thats messin with his head. my mental health is startin to suffer. Im on meds already, this limbo is so painful and he is so irritable. Its shit, im beginnin to think if nothings gonna change... i dont want to stay in this situation much longer, i want to go back to what it was so bad but this is torture. Its becomin really toxic for me while he comes and goes as he pleases, spends every evenin at the gym etc and im stuck with work , home and kids .
btw! Happy birthday love!!! Sorry youre havin such a big one in such crap circumstances... I hope u get to do something nice and get your head off things for a bit . Lots of hugs xxx

Thank you. Dc have been sweet. My 7 year old hugged me and said he loved me which made me burst into tears.

No. No silent treatment. But he's been out every night. So I just haven't seen him. I'm left with the kids. He actually got me a nice present. A spa day. God knows when I can actually take it though.

@Startingoveragain1 that sounds so tough. Thing is it wears you down. And now after just two weeks I'm looking at him differently. Although I still love him I'm so angry he's done this I don't think I could cope with living with him. Thank you for the birthday wishes. It's shit but I'm feeling stronger today.

Just had a chat where he's getting arsey about only having the dc every other weekend. I said he can have them during the week too but practically that's not going to happen. He leaves for work at 7 and doesn't get back till 8. I think he wants them every weekend. So I get the school runs and he gets the Disney dad days out.