Separation- Husband does not want me to live somewhere in particular

[Sallyseagull]

My husband and I have had an almighty row and he is convinced the only answer is to split, I cant bear to live in the same house as him as itll break my heart.

My plan is to stay at my friends house 15 mins from mine, my husband wants me to go to my parents an hour away because he says the area my friend lives in is a hell hole. It's not the best, it's not the worst but hes using that excuse. I've said I dont want to go back to my parents as it's so far from friends, baby groups (our son is 18 months) etc. I just cannot go back to my parents as itll be hell. I'm also planning on sleeping at my friends but then coming back to my house during the day as itll be easier with my son so being close is much better.

Can he dictate where our son lives whilst we are splitting?

I dont get any child benefit. I literally have no money coming in other than what he puts in my account.... which he obviously isnt going to do now.

@Sallyseagull claim cb. As you are separated, and will be divorcing you are entitled to claim. Get onto that solicitor ASAP so you have proof.

I've been in your shoes. It's not fun, but you'll feel a million times better once you're taking charge of the situation.

Can I get CB though even if my stb husband is a high earner though?

Sorry, I'm so clueless and lost

Claim child benefit and tax credits/UC if you can and have it paid into your account, check the entitledto website to see what you are entitled to as a single parent, you can be separated in the same house and claim as a single person but you must be living separately in the same house, so you can't not cook, clean, do his washing etc or do anything for him. Have you got a spare room to move into? Or can you sleep in with dc?

If you have a PIN number for the credit card you can withdraw cash from a machine and pay it into your account (as long as you are a named card holder on the account and have a card) that will probably be up to a maximum daily limit but should be enough to tide you over to stop him using financial abuse to control you.

You could also put in a claim to CMS for child maintenance.

Sorry that should say you can not cook, clean etc.

Thank you. I will look into all that. He has an app on his phone so the minute I spend on the card he gets a notification so the minute I take £250 or whatever the daily limit is he will know and likely block the card.

Finding a new solicitor tomorrow first thing and trying to secure something for my son and I.

I dont want to go down the route of domestic abuse for the sake of our son.

But what you're describing is abuse. He's verbally abusive in front of your son, you're bracing yourself against his financial abuse... You're a victim of coercive control.

Your son is 18 months. He won't be aware of the circumstances of your

Call WA. You will not be wasting their time.

Don't know what happened there...

Your son is 18 months. He won't be aware of the circumstances of your split. But if you raise your DH's behaviour, report it, and include it in the divorce then I think I'm right in thinking you'll be eligible for legal aid. If your DH cuts off your money and tries to bully you then having legal aid could be very important. If you keep quiet about his abuse the only person that helps is your DH.

OP you are not wasting anyone's time. Both you and your DC deserve a better life than this.

Please contact the solicitor tomorrow and begin making an escape plan.

Tell him to fuck off and get out of the house. Why on earth are you leaving with a child?!?
Seriously, as a mother and a divorcee, tell him to pack a bag and do one or...I know it's hard but whatever you do don't leave the house. Also for legal reasons.
DONT LEAVE.
I don't know your full situation but just saying, should you leave the marital home, you'll screw your chances of getting much of it back even in settlement. So tell him, seeing as he is a 'man' he can leave and if he doesn't like it then he can use a tent in the garden as a home or sleep on a friends couch but YOU must not leave no matter what! Yes it's hard but only for a short time. Go out a lot and live your life without him. He CANNOT dictate where you can go or if you should leave.
Is he the reincarnation of Saddam Hussain!? What the actual fuck!

Please see a lawyer before you make any hasty decisions. Do not leave the house. Get all the important documents and take them to your parents home.
Think like a lawyer not his compassionate wife.
Please please see a lawyer and don't move out no matter what he says. Instead, without sounding harsh or judgemental- but in front of him act like he doesn't effect you and in fact you feel great that it's coming to an end. Play your music and watch what you want. Make dinner for yourself and your son and he can fuck right off!
If you need someone to slap him into place, I'm available Monday-Friday 6pm-12am ;)

I haven't left the house, I went for a couple of days and came back a few days ago. Will be calling a solicitor first thing tomorrow.

@Sallyseagull good for you! I know how you're feeling and I'm so sorry you're going through this but please do this properly otherwise he'll leave you high and dry!
Don't send him anymore text either but keep any texts and emails he sends you.
Be smart please for you and your sons future. X

This sounds exactly like what I am going through at moment. We separated end of august but still in marital home as solicitor said do not leave. We have no mortgage and it’s in both names. Savings are all in his name but I know what’s in it and makes no difference who’s name it’s in as went in during the marriage of 17 years. His solicitor has suggested to him I stay in house till kids are finished education for minimal disruption. He won’t rent as doesn’t want to pay out but he earns £70k whereas I work part time to allow him to jet off at drop of a hat! Pension is also in his name. He keeps saying he doesn’t care about the money but clearly he does as took bank card out of my purse and gave me £350 as he thinks that’s plenty! 😂 Men seriously haven’t got a clue!! Also hasn’t looked near our son for the past 2 weeks even though he’s been here full time!!

@millymoo1202 I know it's not about the money but please take his arse to the cleaners!

Called solicitor, got some general advice over the phone and booked in for an actual meeting in a couple of weeks time.

I will call womens aid when my son is napping this afternoon.

Thank you all for your help.

@Sallyseagull you'll be fine. It's a horrible experience but soon you'll be able to look back and realise how much of yourself you compromised. The freedom you'll have will be worth everything. X

I am pleased that you have got an appointment with a solicitor and are going to see women’s aid.
I hope you and your baby are both ok.

Now you have split you can claim universal credit even though you are both in the same house. I didn't know this until I informed tax credits of my change in circumstances when me and ex split and they said to claim UC. I got it as they classed me as single. You can apply online. It takes about 5 weeks for first payment from applying.