Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Did you have a baby at 40 or over?

61 replies

TigerBreadCake · 19/10/2019 17:25

If so, how easy was it? Conceiving, pregnancy and birth?

I’m a bit scared of being an older mum but really want my own kids

OP posts:
DarlingBuds19 · 19/10/2019 18:55

This will obviously vary by woman a lot.

Someone told be that if you know what age your mum went through menopause, take off ten yrs and that's when your ovarian reserve will start to really drop. No idea if it's bullshit or not.

Fertility clinic will do a fertility check Inc I think checking your follicles and amh etc. It doesn't look ridiculously expensive. It's not foolproof but better than nothing.

MondeoFan · 19/10/2019 18:56

Yes I was 43 and was my 2nd baby. I didn't recover well after the birth and was kept in hospital for 8 days.
After 6 weeks I started to feel much better. I didn't drive and didn't really go out.
I had emergency C Section though.
That's not to say you would experience any of this and I would still go for it given the chance again

MondeoFan · 19/10/2019 18:57

Oh and I conceived with no problems and within 2 months

Original poster
TigerBreadCake · 19/10/2019 18:57

I think I’m getting confused with what I've read online then and what it means.

Think my mum went through the menopause around 46.

OP posts:
Original poster
TigerBreadCake · 19/10/2019 19:02

Actually I’m not sure on that. Might have been more like 50 after her last period if that is a good indication. We don’t really talk about this stuff

OP posts:
Mermaidsinthesand · 19/10/2019 19:07

EggysMom

Your post was tragic yet warmed my heart at the same time. Nothing more precious than a child regardless of abilities.

DarlingBuds19 · 19/10/2019 19:10

I think I’m getting confused with what I've read online then and what it means.

My dp and I once "tested" % risk/chance over 6 months and 12 months using cards. We used seven cards (with me picking one as my card) to demo a 14% risk (I think) and I tried 6 times, and then 6 more to turn over my chosen card correctly (randomly/"blindly" picking obviously). I picked my card 3 times in all, 2 in the first 6 "months" and the third in the second 6 months. So we figured I'd have gotten pregnant 3 possible times out of twelve. (That was 14% as I said, which is the percentage risk for 35 yrs old I think).

5% is obviously going to be lower but as the go said to me "it only takes one good egg".

Bear in mind IVF figures for over 40 are shit because IVF causes mass release of loads of eggs, not naturally selected or discarded for quality, so a 40+ is much more likely to get pregnant and stay pregnant naturally than with IVF / (if they have no other fertility issues of course).

DarlingBuds19 · 19/10/2019 19:12

Btw I have no idea why we tested 14% monthly risk given I was already in 40s, maybe because it was just a curiosity exercise after being involved in some "lively" debate about fertility in this forum.

Original poster
TigerBreadCake · 19/10/2019 19:13

I don’t know if I’m being stupid here (quite possibly!) but 14% seems low?! You only get pregnant 14 % of the time?

OP posts:
DarlingBuds19 · 19/10/2019 19:16

On general op, I've read that the real cliff for many women is 42 so I'd get to it if you can.

Evilmorty · 19/10/2019 19:16

I was not 40, I was 38. Struggled to get pregnant for DC1 & 2 when I was 30 and then had a surprise pregnancy immediately after DC2. So on paper my fertility sounds like it improved!

Pregnancy was massively harder at 38 than at 30, as is having a toddler, I tire quicker and I sleep a lot more in the evenings now.

DarlingBuds19 · 19/10/2019 19:18

14% is the risk (approx) each month for a 35 yr old. Then you "test" that risk 6 times or 12 times - which is different.

Original poster
TigerBreadCake · 19/10/2019 19:18

I see what you mean but that seems horribly low odds!

OP posts:
DarlingBuds19 · 19/10/2019 19:19

Or 24 times - that's what gives the NHS a 90% of under 40 yr olds getting pregnant within 2 years figure.

DarlingBuds19 · 19/10/2019 19:22

But when we tested a 14% risk/chance over 12 months, I picked my card i.e. got pregnant 3 times!

BlouseAndSkirt · 19/10/2019 19:25

Conceived my first at 42, first month of trying.

Had no problems at all during pregnancy or birth, breastfeeding or anything.

I thought it has been decided recently that a lot of the stats about 'fertility falls off a cliff' after 35 are out of date.

The only sure thing you can know is that the only stats that matter are what is happening in your particular body.

DarlingBuds19 · 19/10/2019 19:27

This is going to vary by person as well of course.

I'd go for the fertility check at a reputable clinic. I'd also take Q10/ubiquinol, make sure my diet was well rounded, take regular exercise etc.

I know a lady who hadn't got pregnant in years, both she and her husband list weight, started running, ate healthily and had she got pregnant within a few months. Maybe a coincidence, possibly not.

DarlingBuds19 · 19/10/2019 19:29

I see what you mean but that seems horribly low odds!

A 20 something's risk per month is 25% I think. Still much more likely not to get pregnant than get pregnant.

The scaremongerers never seem to mention that though.

CloudRusting · 19/10/2019 19:30

I would definitely go and get a fertility MOT. Normally a pelvic scan and AMH test for you and sperm report for partner. Because whilst some people at 40 conceive easily many don’t and best to know where you stand up front.

Candymay · 19/10/2019 19:40

I adopted late. So that’s probably not much use in answering your question- but I am an older mum. That doesn’t answer about pregnancy and birth though sorry. 40 doesn’t sound old and I have quite a lot of friends and acquaintances who have started their families past 40. It doesn’t sound unusual to me. Good luck!

StarlingsInSummer · 19/10/2019 19:44

I’ve just been told I have premature ovarian failure at 41 and the one child we have must have been a miracle. So I’d definitely get a fertility MOT, if I were you. We had no idea until we tried to conceive number two.

montysma1 · 19/10/2019 19:47

Twins at 42 and a little accident at 45. All straightforward.

StarlingsInSummer · 19/10/2019 19:47

And my mum didn’t start going through the menopause til she was 50. So your mum’s age doesn’t necessarily mean anything. Find out. Don’t listen to anecdotes about other people’s friend’s sister’s auntie who got pregnant aged 43.

Dinosauratemydaffodils · 19/10/2019 19:54

I had dc2 6 weeks off my 41st birthday. She was conceived fairly easily, I think it was cycle 4 over all but the 1st one when I actually tracked ovulation. Pregnancy was fine apart from the fact that I was anemic and had really bad nausea for the first 17 weeks or so. However I had that with dc1 also.

I had a c-section but that was mainly because dc1 and his giant head got stuck in my sub optimal pelvis at full dilation and I couldn't face a repeat. Very easy recovery though, discharged the following day, out for the lunch the day after that and back walking 3 miles with the pram to preschool and back by week 2.

Pilot12 · 19/10/2019 19:57

Conceived my first at 39, first try after coming off the pill after 15 years. Normal pregnancy with no symptoms. Gave birth at 40, normal birth. Conceived again at 42 after five months trying, miscarried at 11 weeks. Conceived again four months later at 43. Normal pregnancy with no symptoms, normal birth at 44 but baby was born with a respiratory infection and spent three days in Special Care. Nothing to say that or the miscarriage was caused by age. Would love one more but I couldn't risk another miscarriage and if I waited a couple of years I'll be old anyway!