When nothing gets done at home...

[TheMinage]

DH likes his free time to be just that... free. Yet, he wants to do all our DIY himself, he does not want to have to clean our house though, he makes no time for gardening,the garage is bursting at the seams. Our shower has been leaking for weeks and I'm still waiting for him to fix the dishwasher.

He's spent his entire life procrastinating and putting things off and now we're at a point in life where there are kids and other responsibilities so he can no longer keep ignoring things.

He doesnt tell me to do the housework, but by him not doing so, he leaves it all to me. He tells me this is not the case. As I also go to work and take most responsibility for the DCs, I have begun paying a cleaner. DH argues we can't afford this. But surely, if he's not going to do it this is the outcome? He just does not get it at all.

The handbrake isn't working properly on the car and he keeps saying he will fix it,but never makes the time, but a soon as I mention taking it to the garage, an argument erupts. The door also isn't locking properly and things keep beeping for no reason (pretty sure something is wrong with the electrics) but again, DH will not pay out for someone to look at it as he thinks he can fix everything himself (but never does).

The dishwasher was here when we moved in so it's not that we're living in luxury. I haven't used it in months to save money on fetting it fixed but I would really like to use it again. I've mentioned getting it fixed and DH says I have to wait for him to fix it to save paying someone else. It will never happen.
So what do I do?
We don't have a lot of spare cash, but surely some things need outsourcing if you're not making the time or you're too overwhelmed to do the jobs yourself?

DH doesn't get this at all and seems to think if we ignore everything, it will all just disappear.

I like things to work, I like a clean home, I like things to just tick over modestly. But the way things are is making me quite miserable and I feel trapped into accepting things being broken and disused with no control over getting things fixed.

Any thought?

I agree PigletJohn on the Property/DIY board is incredibly helpful. Just @ his name and state what is wrong with your dishwasher.

Look at it this way, you are miserable because things need doing, if you broach the subject your Dh makes you feel miserable, if you get it fixed your Dh will be miserable, but you will be happy. It is a win surely?

But yes, he has trained you not to go against what he has said even though you know he is being ridiculous. Stop deferring to him, sort stuff out yourself.

I am a SAHM and Dh works, I am responsible for sorting out trades people because I am in the house whilst it is being done so I go off personal recommendations from friends or local FB group. You need to just do it.

Or you could just not have a man that tries to make you miserable at any point because that's not what a healthy relationship is/ does??!!!

Guys like this never change. My ex was like that - probably still is.

Best thing you can do is "just do it" . Make a list and call tradespeople to fix all these things. Or you'll be writing to MN in another few years asking the same question. Good luck !

I knew he'd be a sulker. I knew he'd row in front of the DC so you'd diffuse the argument by backing down. Sulking is a form of EA. Is this how you want to spend your life? You DC are learning that women don't count. That their needs are totally unimportant and to be dismissed.

In the nicest possible way, grow up!

Your car is now dangerous. Be a responsible adult, and take it in to get it fixed. You have a car, you have to pay for repairs. Easy.

I suspect if you examine other areas of your life you'll find he controls you there too. Friends, nights out, money. I could be wrong but I'll put a tenner on not being. I could write the script for this

Agreed. Withholding support from household tasks is a passive agressive way of showing you who is boss. Added bonus (for the controller)is that's it's isolating and in his head he can blame you when you can't keep up with doing it all by yourself. Support here for you OP if we're right and you need it.