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Original poster

The one that got away, do you have one?

35 replies

OoGin · 17/10/2019 18:15

Mine was my 'childhood sweetheart' together through our teens, he joined the services and moved away, we stayed in touch throughout the years. We connected again romantically in our mid 20's but the timing was terrible, I had not long left a violent relationship. He asked me to marry him and I said no because I needed to be by myself.

My intentions were good but it hurt him as I don't think he totally understood my reasoning.

We're old friends now and i have him on SM, no bad feelings between us. I think we'll always care for one another in some way but anything 'more' is long gone.

He has recently gone public with his new girlfriend and they look so happy, she's a stunning woman and I haven't seen him so happy in years.

Seeing this is bitter sweet because on one hand I'm genuinely pleased he has found somebody good for him and wish them nothing but the best as a couple, but I can't help but feel a bit sad and wish I had given him a different answer those years ago.

I've had to quietly unfollow (not unfriend) him so I don't keep seeing pictures of the pair of them.

I have a family of my own so I wouldn't dream of letting him know how I feel, let alone betraying my OH, but it's just feelings isn't it.

Do you have a 'one who got away'?

OP posts:
Starsmum77 · 17/10/2019 19:31

My first, we met at 17 in high school. I have had many more in between him and meeting my dh of 13 years and still I can not shake him off my brain. I kept all the love letters and sentimental gifts he bought me when we were together. On return from our honeymoon 13 years ago, me and dh burned all things relating to him as I had to tell myself that was it. He is happily married and gushes over his dear wife on social media. We are not friends on sm but I cannot help myself but peak on his account every now and again and wonder what our lives could have been. He was my one and only true love. I settled down.

Intheheat · 17/10/2019 19:48

Yes he is married with children and so am l but he is never far from my mind. Like you say it's bittersweet. I am genuinely pleased his life has panned out ok but l still miss him after all these years.

NerdyCurvyInkedandPervy · 17/10/2019 19:51

I did.

But he turned out to be a complete fuckmuppet and for the longest time was the one who wouldn't fucking go away!!!

CokeAndCrispsAndDip · 17/10/2019 19:55

Mine was brief and I cant remember his surname so can't even SM stalk him. He was separated at the time, we kept our relationship very low key. He lasted a few months but he got posted (RAF) and didn't stay in touch. I was besotted, only man who ever gave me butterflies. The only man who genuinely complimented me. It's been about 20 years and I still yearn for him.

Itsrebekahvardysaccount · 17/10/2019 19:56

Absolutely. Lovely man and I still think of him almost daily.

Mummybares · 17/10/2019 19:58

I used to but i went there and it wasnt like i imagined..ourmind tends to over imbelish the reality...fantasies delude the reality.

NiceLegsShameAboutTheFace · 17/10/2019 20:03

Absolutely. Lovely man and I still think of him almost daily.

This. But he's "unchained and free, without me" which is a great thing. I think of him most days and hope he smiles every day of his life Blush

Ffswtf · 17/10/2019 20:03

Yep, my first head over heels love when I was 21. I'm married with children now, he is not. Often thought of him over the years, all the 'what ifs'. Apparently I'm his 'one that got away' too.

nomoreclue · 17/10/2019 20:52

Yep. My university boyfriend. He adored me and I treated him badly. He was amazing in bed. I just was too flakey and young and wanted to flirt and dance and sew my wild oats. Wish I’d appreciated what I had because he was truly the best fella I’ve ever had. A proper sweetheart. More fool me for letting a good one go

RumbleDoll · 17/10/2019 20:54

Yes from years ago.
We've recently met up again, takings things slowly so we don't fuck it up again.
Both 60
Does that count?

rugbychick1 · 17/10/2019 20:59

Yes, a guy I met through work while living overseas. He sadly died of a sudden brain haemorrhage before anything really got going between us. I still think of him 18 years later, and wonder what if a lot, despite being in a relationship and with a DD.

Privac · 17/10/2019 23:00

I agree fantasies delude the reality, practically - we probably wouldn't be a good match for our 'ones' now, given how we change as does our preferences as time goes on.

It's good to read I'm not alone, I've been thinking I'm a bit of a wally today, daydreaming about times past when I have a wonderful family of my own.

Even if "Mr. The one" rocked up tomorrow and declared his undying love I wouldn't betray my lovely OH. Sometimes things are better left a fond memory.

Ah yes "the one who won't go away" they are by far the worst sorts i had one or two of those too Grin

Rumbledoll that absolutely counts and your post made me smile. I wish you both the very best of luck this time around Smile

Privac · 17/10/2019 23:02

Rugby I'm truly sorry to hear about your ex, what an awful thing to have happened. I'm not at all surprised that you still think of him Flowers

LuluBellaBlue · 17/10/2019 23:07

Yes..... and after 9 years apart / no contact he’s just approached me out of the blue.
The problem is I’m 4 months into a new relationship and it’s messed my head up Confused

Singletomingle · 17/10/2019 23:28

Yes but we wouldn't have worked then, I was too immature and she had her own issues. We are still friends and both single but I know I can't be enough for her.

kazza446 · 17/10/2019 23:39

Yes, met him at 14, he was going out with my friend. She dumped him. He was heartbroken. I comforted him and we ended up getting together. We both lost our virginity to each other. We were in a relationship until I was 18. He was a few years older and wanted to stretch his wings. We split up just before I went to uni. We both then went on and had a few relationships. Timing between us was terrible. One or the other was single whilst other in a relationship. On the odd occasion we caught up when I returned home we snogged but it never went any where. We are both now married in not very happy relationships. We keep in touch by messenger as friends. A few years ago I had a problem at work. He worked in HR and supported me through a difficult time. We both have agreed we should have married each other but our timings were crap. I still consider him the one who got away 😞

user1481840227 · 17/10/2019 23:44

I don't but I did have a previous relationship that I was full of bittersweet thoughts about.

I don't anymore, as it was an emotionally abusive relationships and I'm healing from it.

But before I started to heal and open my eyes and see it for what it really was my God did I learn to hate the feeling of something that was 'bittersweet'. It's horrible!

LellyMcKelly · 18/10/2019 00:13

I don’t believe in ‘the one who got away’. If you both really properly wanted to be together you would have moved heaven and high earth to be together’. I did. We did monthly 800 mile round trips for three years, before we could live together, got married, had kids, and then broke up. He’s my best friend now, and we’re better friends and parents than we ever were husband and wife. Surely wistful thoughts of ‘the one who got away’ are more an indication of a less than great current relationship, or a fond remembrance of a younger more innocent and carefree time, unencumbered by the day to day grind of laundry, work, making sure the kids are doing their homework and getting to hobbies on time. A time when you were just you.

PinkMonkeyBird · 18/10/2019 09:57

I also don't much believe in 'the one that got away' as it may not have worked out...fantasy vs reality and all that. However missed opportunities are different.

In my early 20s I was a single parent with a toddler and dated a guy who was a friend of a friend. He had been split from his childhood girlfriend for a year or so when we met and we immediately clicked. The attraction was quite over whelming. I didn't want to get into anything too complicated due to being on my own and it really was a strange time. He wanted more out of the relationship, but I was on my guard after getting out of an abusive relationship with the father of my toddler. In the end I broke it off with him because I was too scared to take things further and just felt I needed to concentrate on being a mum. I didn't keep in contact with him as I felt it was best not to and moved away a few years later. The mutual friend we had told me that this chap was quite broken up about it and often said over the years that he felt gutted it didn't work out between us. I found out, he went back to his childhood girlfriend a year after we broke up and they eventually got married. They are still together and I'm happy for him, but yes I often wonder how it would have worked out if I'd been less guarded. My loss and I guess he was meant to be with the childhood girlfriend!

SVRT19674 · 18/10/2019 10:19

Yes, when I was 18. Met him at 17 and was the first guy that gave me butterflies, he was a really nice guy. I was over the moon when he asked me out. He came to pick me up all upset/angry about something that happened at his home. (his brother was the golden child, he was the scapegoat, according to my aunt). He was off all night staring at his wiskey, the worst date I have ever had. When he seemed to get over it, I just pulled back, I was sooooo disappointed. 25 years later I know he is married, two kids and according to my cousin he is a really nice guy still. I have always wondered what would have happened had that date gone to plan. I'm sure we would have had a really nice time. I wanted him to be the first and was cheated out.

Chelsea26 · 18/10/2019 10:45

Yes I do.

A guy that I knew from the football. Our dads were friends and we used to all meet up in the pub before the game. When we met I was 16 and he was 25, I fancied him immediately but he obviously didn’t fancy me, and he had a girlfriend. But he was lovely and we’d chat at the pub.

I had boyfriends etc, went off to uni and he married his girlfriend but we’d still see each other at the football. (And I still fancied him)

10 years later, he’d divorced and I had split up with a long term boyfriend and after a game we ended up staying in the pub after everyone else had gone home and he kissed me and it was amazing! Proper hairs on back of neck time and we got together.

We went out for a year but he was very unhappy in his job and was thinking of moving back to NZ where he’d spent some of his childhood. He asked if I’d go with him and I said no. I liked my job and didn’t want to be that far from my family.

We split up and I was gutted, but got over it, got married and had kids. often thought about him over the years though and wondered what had happened to him.

We’re now back in touch, he went to NZ for a year but came back as his mum got ill. He is happily married with two step children. We reminisced once about what might have been but only in a fond, as you’ve said bittersweet kind of way.

He’s mine and I’m his and I think we'll always have a connection

Sallycinammonbangsthedruminthe · 18/10/2019 16:08

I do too...He still makes me smile when I think of him....I went through an awful time and he was there when I needed him...even now 20 years on I know if I did need him again he would come.He is happy now with his family as am I with mine but we both have a bond that can;t be broken..we keep in touch on our birthdays and we both know exactly where each other is should we need each other...but could we go back to those blissful days even if we wanted to?/I don;t know...I try not to think of it ,Neither of us would want to hurt anyone else and we would...

Hesafriendfromwork · 18/10/2019 16:22

I kind it had 2. One was someone I worked with. Great friends. My marriage ended and we became closer.

But it wasnt for me. I was 3 years older. Had 2 kids and didnt want anymore. He wanted several kids. He would make an incredible father and I couldnt be with him and dent him that nor would I change my mind about another child.

We are still in touch and friends. He hasnr met anyone serious yet. But I really hope he does and gets everything he wants. I care about him and miss him. He now lives in another country.

When I was in my teens I fancied a load I worked with. He gave me butterflies. So handsome. Tall, dark hair, dark eyes. Total bad boy. Just what a 17 year old finds attractive.

In my 30s I met a girls at work. Became friends with her. After I distanced myself from the man above, she told that her brother was coming to stay as his marriage had ended and he was relocating back to home. Turns out the brother was the bad boy I fancied as a teen. Still sexy as hell, but lost the bad boy persona years ago. Fully grown mature man. The second he smiled I realised it was him and felt like I had been punched in the stomach. We became friends and then got together and We now live together and I have never been happier.

Chickenpie9 · 18/10/2019 18:10

Someone I knew as a teenager only person that out of any men I’ve known I have nothing but happy memories of and still songs that remind me of him . He lives abroad now and it does make me wonder what could have been .

Lambzig · 18/10/2019 19:19

Yes, we split because of my commitment issues.
We have recently reconnected, and I am really happy.

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