Me my life, everything broken

[timetostartagain]

I've tried to post a couple times today but it's been hard trying to write everything down and it's so long and messy

But I'm on my own, I don't know where to begin or what to do.
The short story is after a very up and down couple months my partner was arrested last night for destroying my house and I mean destroyed.
He's been released, packed some bags and gone I'm left to pick up the pieces.
I'm broken and my stuff is broken

Hey @anniemac1 thanks for checking in. Things are ok, very up and down but I'm mainly positive. As well as hating him for what he's done I do also miss him and worry about him so I am going through a whole lot of conflicted emotions. The house is now back to normal minus stuff and that has helped.
Currently suffering with a chest infection so just waiting for that to pass. Illness and tiredness don't help with dealing with emotions.

Please please don't take this appalling man back. He won't change. He didn't worry about you while he was hitting you. He didn't worry about you while he smashed your home up.

Look after yourself

Hi sweetie, you will find the physical illnesses are linked to the emotional upheaval. Your body is telling you to be compassionate and kind to yourself. Snuggle down with warm blankets ,wack the heating up and drink warm sweet tea. Try to rest and watch comedies or your favourite film. Listen to your own needs. Try to remember this will pass. Crying is good. I hope you have supportive people there to help. HE WAS NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU.xxxxxx big hugs

No worries about taking him back I really won't be, it's just hard when someone was a big part of your life for so long to be gone and for it to have ended the way it did. As shit as it was there were genuine good times as well.

Posted a little too soon but the support here and in RL has been such a massive help. One of my favourite messages was 'keep your crown on princess'

my favourite from my daughter is
' on the darkest days when I feel inadequate, unworthy and unloved, I remember whose daughter I am and I straighten my crown'.

I've had some lovely messages and I'm also extremely grateful to my friends who haven't judged me for distancing myself but have been 'yay we've got you back again'
That's what keeps me going that's proper love

I'm so glad he hasn't managed to isolate you from your friends (though I bet he tried to). How you feeling today?

Yea he tried very hard too I think without me even realising. A lot of things have become clear over the last couple days about our relationship, he was massively paranoid about my phone and social media and managed to gain access to everything
Was always made to feel I was doing something wrong in a big way so much so that I literally gave him full permission to go through my phone whenever and leave it fully accessible, him however said I had the same access to his but I never really did as he always had it on him.
Several things have happened recently that have made me come to realise he was more than likely paranoid because of his own behaviour.
I cried last night because I was angry at myself for actually changing so much for someone and letting them control me, done me so much good I woke up this morning far happier and more positive.
Just need the chest infection to do one now

It's good you are feeling more positive, let the anger carry you through. Though it probably won't carry you through a chest infection! Stay warm and hopefully you can take some time off - I reckon it's your body's way of getting you to coorie in and rest for a day or two.

I have started a new thread but felt I should also come back here to update. I was an absolute idiot and didn't listen to the advise given here or in RL and let him back in my home as a friend and as a result he has badly beaten me.
I feel so stupid so angry at myself for allowing this to happen. I just hope that from these threads other people listen and get out before the worse happens.

You are definitely not stupid, just hope you are ok??

I'm ok, the physical injuries will eventually heal, just taking it slowly with help to heal the mental ones. This time I'm listening and accepting of all help and support

Sorry that this happened again, please stay away from him

What an awful man he is. I hope you're free of him now, for good this time. These abusers wheedle their way in so easily, don't let him get to you again. Please be safe.

I can assure you I am safe and there's no way he will be getting back in. I've realised how dangerous he is, next time it will be worse, much worse. I'm accepting of all help and advise I'm given to rebuild myself and to keep myself safe.