Do you have to be full of adventure to have a relationship these days ?

[French8312]

I like to think I am interesting, but I am feeling insecure at the moment. The guy I was seeing 'chose' a nomadic girl over me, who has been to virtually every continent in the world, done every extreme sport going, and who travels all over the world for months at a time.

I have lived abroad a few years in 2 European countries for work. Ive been to several countries in Europe, but never to anywhere like the US or Australia, never done the whole backpacker thing

I'm very sporty, and I view myself as creative in that I enjoy drawing, music, writing stories and can play instruments, and speak other languages.
I have a rewarding job, and dont earn a massive salary but I do what I can with my wage.

I feel that I am a kind person, with a good sense of humour and I am intelligent. I just feel like guys want someone who's very 'out there', full of adventure, spontaneous and full of life.

I enjoy travelling to new places, but I like going to a hotel or similar . I am not going to live in a hostel off the beaten track of La Paz for 6 months.

Ive not yet had the finances to do a worldwide trip, but I know i'm more fortunate than others have been to have even been abroad.

Just feel like i'm maybe not very exciting to men, and they want that. Should I work on myself, or am i just being very insecure ? Thanks

I think another thing is that I am also fairly quiet and subued, even though I do enjoy having a discussion and get told I am funny. Just feel like i'm a little bland and they want someone who's so full of life and spontaneous.

Maybe he wanted someone who would be gone for a few months at a time

Haha maybe, but she asked him to go and they went together :(

I doubt it was the fact that she’s ‘adventurous’ that made him decide to be with her, more just that they had a better connection/got on better/he fancied her more.

Meh I must be one boring fucker because I haven’t even done half of what you have. It’s not you it’s them.

Sorry I didn’t mean to sound harsh. It sounds like you just weren’t a great match.

Her Instagram is just a travelling blog, doing skydiving and all the rest of it. I'm on OLD and every profile is about travelling or the outdoors. I spoke to one guy and he said he was embarrassed about the fact that he had only been around Europe 🙄

Then he wasn’t right for you.

Yeah maybe they did. Just seemed like we had a great connection, we had a good laugh, a lot in common etc. But maybe he saw it in a different way than I did..

Could it be your age OP? If youre looking for a quieter, more settled type, try older.

I know what you mean, OP--I am on OLD too and it seems like everyone is a triathlete who has travelled the world!

I figure that there must be some other boring fuckers people like me out there, and am very honest in my profile and in conversations that I am a quiet creative introvert type. I feel like I have a lot going on in my life, it's just within my own sphere and not some wacky spontaneous adventuring crap.

I think OLD in particular can be quite depressing because it can take a long time to find someone interested in sticking around long enough to get to know you. Just keep at it and be yourself (you sound really lovely and really interesting!) and eventually you will find someone who is thrilled to spend time with someone just like you.

You sound great, what would you need to work on?! Developing your own travel blog?!!

Your problem is that you're measuring your worth against someone's Instagram. Let's be honest, social media is generally just full of edited highlights, filtered pictures and complete fabrications.

Be happy and content in your own skin rather than comparing yourself to others. Confidence is immeasurably attractive.

But I understand your pain. I use bumble friends and it seems like every profile is someone who loves yoga, nights out at celeb style establishments etc rather than my reality which is slobbing out with Netflix and wine, ha!

I've actually been round the world but I don't mention it in my online profiles and only do if someone asks me, or talks about travelling. So, I don't think its that important actually. If it is to him then he's not worth bothering with imo.

If you want to travel, go travel. Go on an adventure weekend and try loads of new things. Learn to scuba dive and take a guided hike through the amazon. If you want to. Don’t feel you should or that you’re somehow inadequate if you don’t because of some dating site. Half the people on there will have lied about their travel experiences and a good percentage of those that have travelled would want to give you the 21st century equivalent of a slide show, complete with anecdotes and will correct your pronunciation of ceviche in front of the waitstaff.

Maybe the holiday swayed him?

It sounds like you're worrying too much about what this other woman has that you don't - it's irrelevant and you'll likely never know.

Instead of worrying about how you need to change to attract someone, why not think about what values you're looking for in a partner and decide what kind of life you want to have?

If you want to travel more then do it, but don't do it just because you're worried you'll be left on the shelf otherwise!

Perhaps his travelling itch wasn't fully scratched and the offer to go away was something he couldn't turn down. He just wasn't the right match for you at this time, theres nothing wrong with you I'm sure.

Online dating is just a big catalogue full of artificial, idealised personas and like all social media it becomes a bit of a pissing contest of who's done the most, has been to the most places etc.

Just be you and someone will come along who is looking for what you have to offer.

I think you just didnt have the best connection OP, although yes i do find that on OLD every bloke seems to be a skydiving skiing backpacker!?

I can be adventurous but with my fella i mostly just snuggle in front of netflix tbh :/

Thanks, these replies are helping me a lot and making me feel better !
I think that incident just knocked my confidence. I moved abroad to improve my French and because I liked the cities. I hopefully will go to the US in the next couple of years but I've no interest in being a backpacker with no fixed home or job and I am not keen on hostels.
I do feel like it's a competition these days of who has been to the most places and done the most stuff !
I am trying to develop my creative writing at the moment, it's something I really enjoy.
I'll just try to work on my confidence.

Maybe he thought someone like her would give him the courage to do a trip like that, so he could depend on her for her knowledge, rather than going as an equal?

We had a connection in that we both spoke the same languages, we both loved running and retro games and had a similar temperament. But perhaps he thought I had something missing that he found in this other women.
Like others have said he was probably just not the right match.

No, not at all, in fact that kind of nomadic dreamer traveller existence can put off as many people as it can attract. It may be most appealing to people with an equal wanderlust, whereas you perhaps are in more of a setting down roots /productive stage of life. I’ve done both, been both, dated both, just appeals at different stages of life. You sound interesting & curious about the world and surely that’s the key?

Yes I fully get what you mean ! Thanks for all the kindness on this thread, i do feel better :)

You sound brilliant, OP. I'm sure you'll meet someone lovely soon.