I'm not sure where to start. It's tempting to have a big rant, but that isn't very useful.
Essentially I would like to separate from DP. We have a 3yo DD, and we own a 2 bed flat in London. I am trying to work out if I can afford a 1 bed nearby, and have 50/50 custody of DD.
We get on ok, and do things as a family. I would still be keen to coparent actively, go to events together and have dinner as a family often, but living with him is driving me crazy.
Almost everything I say to him, he rolls his eyes. I know that sounds minor but it is so wearing. He's not interested in doing anything together and he thinks my interests are stupid.
He is very untidy and unclean. He smells really bad and I have to ask him to change his shirt in the evening (he cycles to and from work, in the same outfit, and doesn't shower till bedtime). His clothes hanging in the bedroom and the hall smell badly of BO. I mentioned this to him once and he was really angry and didn't do anything about it. Our bed smells sometimes from him not washing properly.
He never does any chores around the house. I don't think he has ever cleaned the toilet. There is often piss on the floor. I know this happens so I asked if he could just give it a wipe occasionally but he never does.
He gets very angry with me for nagging, but if I ask him to do a task he will agree but then not do it. He also gets angry if I then do the task.
We have a dishwasher now but when we didn't I used to have to rewash all the dishes as they were still greasy, but when he saw me doing it he would yell at me so I would do it when he was out.
This was years ago though when he had a drinking problem and he has stopped now.
After I got sick of the drinking (he had been hiding drink, hiding empties around the house, often falling asleep drunk and spilling beer all over the sofa, etc), we essentially broke up. He was on the sofa for a couple of months, even after he sobered up (with medical assistance). Somehow he ended up back in the bed.
We had some counselling. He didn't want to split. He was very angry with me for not having sex with him (this had been a problem for a while, for a bunch of reasons. I am not blameless...but eventually I just didn't want to, and he was never nice about it, just angry. I didn't like kissing him because his breath smelled, and various other things, cos he wasn't clean...). But after a nice Christmas we had sex again, and I had been suggesting it about every 2 weeks since. Essentially to keep him from being angry. I wasn't enjoying it and it was making me feel really sad. It was also always my suggestion, as he stopped initiating years ago because he didn't like me sometimes saying I didn't want to.
But then recently he said he didn't like it, that I was obviously just going through the motions. This is true. But when he used to periodically yell at me for not having sex with him, he would say i should just do it, to make him happy. But apparently I didn't do well enough.
I can tell he's angry that I've not suggested it since he said that, but I really don't want to. I'm not attracted to him and he's not nice to me. Him touching me makes me feel really nasty.
We do get on as friends and enjoy chatting and watching TV together. I think we could be successful co-parents. He could move on and meet someone new, and I could get some space. But I worry if I suggest it he will be angry. Previously he had said he wouldn't accept not living with DD full time, and implied he would go to court. I don't want that.
Sorry. I don't know what I'm asking. I just feel sick. I'm nervous. I want what's best for DD, and I know it would be hard for such a little one to have parents in two homes, but this is no way to live.