My friend isn't on Mumsnet but knows I am, so has asked me to post this for her. Obviously I have my own opinion, but she'd like some outsider's perspectives.
I am c&p'ing her words:
"I left my husband in June. We have two children ages 8 and 11. I left because he was emotionally abusive and controlling and after 10 years I had had enough.
However, I never wanted us to turn into a feuding couple who couldn’t communicate over the kids.
We own the house together so I agreed to keep paying half the mortgage, pay towards bills and I offered to look after our kids every day he was at work. I work full time so that means I had to make sure I work from home on those days every week.
It’s been going okayish. No major issues.
In August he met a new woman who has two little ones, around 6 and 8 I think. I genuinely have no issue with him dating as I’m not interested in him at all - but I asked him not to involve any of the children (ours or hers) Cos they met on Instagram and have known each other for about 9 weeks.
We agreed we would discuss and talk about everything but since the new girlfriend, he basically does what he likes and tells me nothing. We have shared access with kids. First time he did was tell the kids he had a new GF in September before even telling me or discussing it. I would have preferred him not to tell them yet incase it breaks down. Then last week he told them they were going to meet her soon and again, we had not discussed this and I had infact said that it’s too early and he needs to stop rushing and involving our kids. He said he had already met her kids and they are ‘going out as a family’ which raised alarm bells.
Yesterday after a lovely few days together, I took the kids back to my old house where my husband still is. Pulled up and there was a car in the drive and he was stood outside so I couldn’t pull in. He told me the new girlfriend was inside ready to meet the kids and I went absolutely berserk. I am ashamed of how angry I got with him (obviously didn’t hurt or threaten or do anything bad) but I was absolutely livid.
He gaslit me on the drive and stood calmly saying ‘what’s wrong? Why do you behave like this? What are you doing?’ Like I was in the wrong.
He never discussed this with me and so I was fuming. I told him I was going to go in there and talk to her about why she thinks that ambushing us on our way home would be appropriate. It’s my house, I still have keys.
My husband stepped in my way and said I couldn’t go in to talk to her because her kids were in there too.
That was it. I lost my shit.
Not only was he intro new GF to our kids but also the kids to each other. 9 weeks after they met. And after I have asked him to discuss this with me repeatedly.
I basically got made to look like a hysterical woman yelling for no reason. I eventually gave up because he was continually gaslighting me, wouldn’t explain why he has ambushed me or the kids like this and why he has done this without talking to me.
He says he does not need my permission or consent to do any of this and I need to back off and stop dictating to him.
He has repeatedly contacted me today to say he has done nothing wrong and that I was completely irrational.
He also keeps FaceTiming the kids with her, even from a hotel bed with her.
I need to check if other mums would have reacted the way I did. I’m starting to feel like I’m going crazy.
I just feel powerless, hopeless and just so upset he’s done this instead of talking to me about it. He has now announced that he will do what he wants with our kids and I just don’t know what to do.
I think all 4 kids are being pushed into this. She only recently left a relationship in July - got with my husband in August and now the kids have a new man in their lives and no one seems to see an issue with this other than me."