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Original poster

I hate weekends together

36 replies

TheWholeUniverse · 14/10/2019 07:57

I don't know how I could have been so stupid to think that we could be suited, but the boredom is driving me to insanity.
DH's idea of the perfect weekend is lying on the couch, scrolling through his phone and watching tv, straight through from Friday night to Sunday night. This is my idea of hell. We're both stuck indoors all week with a long commute, office jobs etc, and the absolute last thing i want to do at the weekend is sit there staring at the walls getting worse and worse cabin fever! We've

OP posts:
Fantie · 14/10/2019 07:58

Can you go out and leave him in?

See friends or famiky

MrsJoshNavidi · 14/10/2019 08:00

Go out for a walk? Shopping? Friends?

You don't have to do everything together just because you're a couple.

Ounce · 14/10/2019 08:02

Just leave him to it then!

Go out and do what you want. Ten to one he'll feel abandoned and want to come with you next time.

Original poster
TheWholeUniverse · 14/10/2019 08:07

We've been together 10 years and it never gets any better. I stayed with him because he's sweet, kind, caring and really seems to love me. Before that I was single for 5 years and barely any guy ever showed the slightest interest. And before that I was with a guy who left me after 6 years for another woman. So I guess I was grateful, flattered, lonely, and really getting close to the age of wanting to start a family.
But he has no interests, never meets his friends, never wants to do anything.

I've tried begging, pleading, fighting just to do anything together as a couple. For the first few years I spend most weekends alone out walking, cycling, going to museums, meeting friends, but it just felt like I was single again, especially when I'd see all the other couples doing things together.

Stupidly I said yes when he proposed, thinking at least this will be one year where we'll have lots to do together- viewing venues, bands, menu tasting- we did this once! He insisted on doing everything online so we wouldn't have to leave the bloody apartment.

Then I thought well maybe when we have kids, we'll have to do stuff as a family, or the kids will go crazy. Nope! How stupid could I be too think someone would ever change. We might go to the local park (never further) for 1 hour on a Saturday morning and that's it, for the entire weekend. So again, my options are, go out alone (with the kids), or stay in all weekend, and myself and the kids go stir crazy.

People say in the early days it doesn't matter if you don't have much in common, similar interests etc, but I would massively disagree. Obviously all the other stuff is important too, but I literally dread the weekends

OP posts:
ravenmum · 14/10/2019 08:15

You've chosen the wrong man, what do you want to do about it?

joystir59 · 14/10/2019 08:21

You are living with a single man. Do you do all the housework and childwork too? I'm guessing you do. You need to build your own life up and get your financial ducks in a row ready to leave this relationship.

SneakyBeakyLike · 14/10/2019 08:22

What happens if you say 'we're all going to the zoo tomorrow'?

alwayscrashinginthesamecar1 · 14/10/2019 08:23

That would drive me absolutely mad! I have to get out of the house for at least a few hours every weekend or I would go stir crazy! But we still have fun together, we meet friends at the pub, go to the beach, or just out for a drive somewhere. I guess you have to decide whether to put up or shut up. I look forward to the weekend all week, this would just depress the hell out of me.

userxx · 14/10/2019 08:25

He's always been this way and isn't likely to change.

fucketyfeck · 14/10/2019 08:26

OMG you just described my exh to a tee. Bored me to tears, I'd spend every damn weekend climbing the walls or out with our DS whilst he sat on his arse at home. I'm sorry to say but it doesn't get better. My life improved immeasurably when I left him.

Feelingfree · 14/10/2019 08:28

You need to have a good think about the future, can you imagine retiring with this man?

He seems unlikely to change. He probably dislikes being active at the weekends as much as you dislike staying in. You are opposites. You seem to be doing all the compromising at the moment. Unless he is willing to meet you half way the situation will never improve and you will get more resentful. Perhaps have a serious ‘things have to change’ conversation. You only have one life - don’t waste it.

HasThisSoddingNameGoneToo · 14/10/2019 08:28

I’m a bit like your DH. 😃 Thanks for posting this - it’s given me a bit of a kick up the arse. 😂

Kahlua4me · 14/10/2019 08:29

How does he cope with the dc when they are climbing the walls with boredom? Does he interact with them, play games etc?

Cmagic7 · 14/10/2019 08:30

Can you not go out without the kids by yourself - and then you can enjoy some kid free time? He can't both choose to stay at home the whole time and also not look after the kids.

Underyoursky · 14/10/2019 08:34

I thought it was just you and your h doing nothing all weekend. I can’t believe you have children and they have to stay in too! There is no way that is healthy.

Original poster
TheWholeUniverse · 14/10/2019 08:34

joystir I definitely do more of the housework and childwork but he does do a fair bit. So if I want help with the kids, I need to be at home in order to get it. If I want to bring them out, then I'm looking after them on my own.
sneakybeakylike if i said that he would actually say either, "do we have to", "No I'm too tired" or "yes that's a great idea", and then the next morning when it would come to leaving he'd moan so much that I'd just go myself

OP posts:
yearinyearout · 14/10/2019 08:37

I would be joining some groups and leaving him to it. I agree it's not as much fun going out walking etc alone, so join young ramblers or something! Go on meet up, find some like minded people in your area to do things with. Or leave him 🤷🏼‍♀️

NameChangeNugget · 14/10/2019 08:38

I think you are unsuited.

Some women would love that, you obviously hate it. You’re going to need to make a big decision. He won’t change

Sable4 · 14/10/2019 08:45

This would drive me insane. You sound very ill suited and from what you say did you perhaps settle for this guy because you were terrified of being alone? Personally weekends are a time my husband and I reconnect after a busy week we try to go somewhere new maybe a pub with a long walk or a drive to the coast for some fresh air. I never drag my husband around the shops and if I want to go shopping I go with a girlfriend and he’ll stay at home do some gardening or watch the rugby. I think essentially you have to be on the same page about life or it will never work. Perhaps somebody else would make you happier? Sounds incredibly frustrating.

Original poster
TheWholeUniverse · 14/10/2019 08:45

I know, it's always been such a massive doubt that's been stuck at the back of my mind. And I've always wondered if it was a big enough reason to end it. As it stands I spend most of my weekend alone outside (or climbing the walls inside), but if I left him it would be the same. On my own, single mother, doing things on my own at the weekend... except struggling financially.

feelingfree I know we need to have the conversation (again), to come to some sort of compromise if it's ever going to work.

kahlua he plays with them for a bit.. but most of the time just sticks on cartoons after a few minutes

OP posts:
bookwormsforever · 14/10/2019 08:52

He sounds awful. Who wants to waste their precious life lying on the couch every weekend??

You sound totally unsuited. He will never change.

I'd make plans to leave. You only have one life. No point being unhappy.

Poignet · 14/10/2019 08:55

God, OP, you could be married to a friend of mine. He’s a lovely friend, but, despite having two lively children, thinks leaving the house at weekends is way too much, and is always talking about needing the weekends to ‘relax’ and ‘recover’ — though we do exactly the same job, and I’m not sofa-bound at weekends, so I’m not sure what he’s ‘recovering’ from.

Not surprisingly, the girls have formed the idea that mummies take them to swimming lessons and ballet, while daddies lie on the couch n their phone and must not be disturbed. Ironically, he’s now decided he wants to end his marriage so he can have more time to himself.

Actionhasmagic · 14/10/2019 09:11

He sounds rubbish. One thing though - Get his iron levels checked. I had anemia and couldn’t move all weekend but that changed after I sorted iron levels

Sable4 · 14/10/2019 09:11

I think you would be better off moving on and perhaps meeting somebody new. I couldn’t imagine wasting every precious weekend with somebody who puts nothing into the marriage. You deserve better and I think it’s just a leap of faith. If you want to keep the family together which I understand Is there anyway you could do something that involved something he enjoys? Sometimes in the summer we watch cricket which hubby loves but doesn’t really interest me I’m happy to sit with the papers in the sun. So it suits us both.

Zaphodsotherhead · 14/10/2019 09:58

I've just left a man like this. We didn't live together and, whenever we spent time together it had to be regimented and revolve around the TV. He wasn't like this to start with! It's almost as if he's decided he's old now and therefore never has to set foot outside if he doesn't want to.

He even went and adopted a dog that 'can't be left alone' so he wouldn't have to go shopping or the pictures or even out for an impromptu meal!

I spent the time I was with him hiding upstairs on my laptop, whilst he watched motor racing downstairs. Boring boring boring man! Life is too short. I'm alone again now and d'you know what? It's FABULOUS!