I hate weekends together

[TheWholeUniverse]

I don't know how I could have been so stupid to think that we could be suited, but the boredom is driving me to insanity.
DH's idea of the perfect weekend is lying on the couch, scrolling through his phone and watching tv, straight through from Friday night to Sunday night. This is my idea of hell. We're both stuck indoors all week with a long commute, office jobs etc, and the absolute last thing i want to do at the weekend is sit there staring at the walls getting worse and worse cabin fever! We've

It wouldn't be the same if you were a single parents because you wouldn't always have this nagging feeling of resentment and being let down.

I've had great weekend days out with my DC on my own where we spent very little (I have got to be an expert at using points/vouchers/free entry things and knowing everywhere that has a free play area or cheap parking!). We can get up and out of the house on a Saturday morning and go to the kid's cinema showing for £2.50 each - and use clubcard points to pay for snacks and drinks. Then a nice long walk round a nearby park, maybe stopping off for a Costa if I have points on my card to pay for it (chocolate babyccinos are about 60p each and come with a big marshmallow). Picnic lunch or home for sandwiches, then collect leaves and conkers and make a display when we get home to draw or paint. Lots of fresh air, lots of fun and all for very little £££ and with nobody complaining (well apart from DD but I can't change that!).

It isn’t the same oP if you are on your own with the kids, because you don’t have that feeling of being obligated to go along with him to keep the peace. My friends has just gone in the last 18 months from being a single mum to having a live in partner and it’s the feeling of compromise/obligation she hates most. She did say she hadn’t realised how much many women end up suppressing their selves to keep a good atmosphere

And what does your DH think the children are doing when he's lying around scrolling and watching TV? Is it entirely up to you to keep them amused? And what happens if you tell him it's his turn to entertain them and you go out alone (I bet he just turns the TV up louder over the screaming and lets them get on with it, doesn't he?)

He even went and adopted a dog that 'can't be left alone' so he wouldn't have to go shopping or the pictures or even out for an impromptu meal!

Yes, the pet as alibi! Another thing my friend does is cook incredibly elaborate meals on both weekend days, which means he can't be asked to turn out of the house because, look, he's in the kitchen doing a selfless thing for his family! His wife, of course, has to do all the gruntwork cooking on weeknights.

This is sort of what my partner is like, except he's incredibly busy during the week so I do understand why he wouldn't want to go out and do things at a weekend.

We have compromised by saying that I will choose what to do on a Saturday, and he can choose what to do on a Sunday. If that's nothing, then that's fine. If I don't fancy doing nothing I can go and visit family - as weekends are the only time I can really do that.

If he will not compromise in this way, I think it's incredibly selfish. As a couple, you can't just always do what one of you wants to do the whole time. And it is very very selfish of him if he has kids. I cherish the weekends we had as a family when I was growing up, and I wouldn't ever have wanted to have my only memories being sitting in the house all weekend.

Is there any chance he's depressed? I'm not sure it's entirely normal to not want to leave the house for almost three entire days - it's nearly half of the week, when you think about it. People can be low-key depressed for a very long time, but because they go to work and earn a living others don't notice as much.

You do definitely need to talk to him though. Something has to change. You're not happy, and you deserve to be.

That sounds like you're a single mum with a lodger in the house.

You did know he was like this OP (I know you know)- I think what he wants to do is up to him and it's to an extent unreasonable to look to other people to fill our own void. Can you not go out with friends or join a hobby? Why are you going out alone? What does he do with your DC?

If you were with someone who was active then they'd want to be out with friends or famil, exercising or at hobbies on the weekends, not all of which might involve you-would that be what you would want or is the issue that you want weekends as couples time, just out of the house?

It's obviously frustrated you OP so if he won't change then all you can do is consider leaving. It doesn't sound like it's right for you and life is too short surely to just be resentful stuck at home.

poignet yes in afraid that's what the kids will start thinking too. I don't understand why he's so tired all the time. actionhasmagic* if it was iron, that would be amazing! Worth a try I guess.
Interesting that the pet was mentioned- he's said a few times that he wants a dog. I keep saying, "you do know dogs have to be walked everyday right?" And he says he would do that... but I just can't see it.
don'tgobaconmyheart I know having an active person can be an issue in its own way, I see on here all the time about husbands hobbies taking over their lives. I meant more that we could do things together from time to time. The only thing he likes doing is watching sport on tv.. so if i use to even try getting into sport (which was a struggle) and suggesting going to a game together, just to get out of the house, but he only wants to watch it on tv. In terms of going out alone, it's because most of my friends have families now and are out doing things with them at the weekend, and are never free

sunshineangel he has said in the past that he is depressed but then at other times that he loves his life exactly as it is. I've tried talking to him, and getting him to talk to someone. The odd time we do go somewhere he always says afterwards that he feels better and he's so glad I made him go. It's just so exhausting though, and I try reminding him that he will actually enjoy it.

Isnt it fun doing stuff with the kids? That's not the same as being alone?

Go with other weekend widows - there are a lot of us out there. Then enjoy coming home to a meal cooked by your partner and tell him about your day. Does it have to be so bad?

OP this isn't about whether someone is active or inactive. All of these men are just disengaging from family life. Whether it's out for nearly the whole day on a bike or sat on their arses all day in front of TV, it all equals someone who doesn't want to put time into family life.

My ex was like this, and my biggest regret was that I didn't kick his ass to the kerb early doors. Whatever you do, don't wish your life away wishing he was different and then being disappointed when he isn't. You could have a much better life if you just decided it was you and the DC and acted accordingly.

What happens then is, other people fill the gap. For example, you can start doing things with groups or with other people who have DC. Whatever you do, don't let your children be shown the example that it's ok to hang around the house and have everyone at your beck and call waiting for you to motivate yourself. Which is how he wants it. Waste of time, trust me.

I think the point about disengagement is really at the root of many problems. I have witnessed many men who were very keen on ‘having a family’ In their heads, but far less keen coping with day to day nutty gritty and arrangements, they often though were ok with the ‘fun bits’ - days out, holidays etc— your H doesn’t even seem keen on those bits. I would seriously think about whether you would prefer to co parent but separately , that way at least you aren’t spending your precious time pandering to someone who sounds to be honest an utter bore