Am I stupid to feel jealous?

[bluecard]

I have never been jealous in my relationship for the past 10 years but now I'm sat crying as I feel so shit.

Just been out with partner and kids for lunch and the whole time partner kept looking at this same woman. When he noticed me looking at him he said ' are you ok?' Then a few minutes later done it again. When she stood up he looked, when she talked he looked and I'm just so angry and feel shit. Should I say something to him or am I being silly? I know he would have found her attractive.

Sometimes we all have a chemistry moment - shows he's human - hard to take for you but it is ok and not something he can control or by the sounds of things occurs very often for him or that he would act on it in any way, let it be.

Of course he can control it if he respected me!

Did he glance at her, or was he staring?

Its not anything to do with respect, he's just being a bloke and human. When I was in a relationship I still looked at other men who I found attractive. I would never act on it though. This lady took his attention away for a very short moment. It was fleeting. Is there something else going on in your relationship that is bothering you? This seems like something that has really riled you that wouldn't have done before as you said you arent really that jealous type??

Maybe he recognised her? Maybe she has something stuck to her face? Maybe she reminded him of someone he knows or used to know?
What did he say when you asked him about it?

Sorry you feel shit. You’re not wrong to feel how you do, you could tell him he hurt your feelings by looking at her so much if that would help.

Humans are designed to find each other enchanting / attractive / sexy / engaging - on a fundemental level - totally uncontrollable - have you never just had a totally whoosh moment completely out of the blue ? if you haven't maybe thats why this seems a bigger deal to you than to some of us.

I would ask him, "Do you know that lady?" He might say "no why" and I will whisper "You keep staring at her" . Not in an accusatory manner but more in a you may not realise you are doing this way.
Then know what he will say or do. You don't have to get upset just yet unless he has form for staring and cheating.

He's an insensitive selfish prick OP. Gawping at another woman whilst he's sat with his wife and kids for lunch is pathetic.

Tell him he's a saddo and you feel sorry for him.

I haven't said anything to him. Just sat seething. I feel like it's too late to say anything now. If he did it once or twice I would brush it off, but it was every time she fucking moved or spoke. I felt so embarrassed for me and the kids.

He humiliated you OP, his behaviour humiliated you and cheapened your relationship.. no respect for you or your kids together.

That's exactly how I feel @BumbleBeee69

and you are entitled to feel as such OP. He's been very insensitive.

If it's the first time he's done it in ten years, then I think you're overreacting.

Given that he kept asking if you were ok as you silently seethed, he may not have realised he was doing it, or at least thought he was being discreet.

I don't really understand why you didn't say anything tbh.

Why not do the same next time you're out, stare at a good looking guy and make it obvious and see if he notices. If he says anything you can then say you thought it was ok to look at attractive people as he did it last time you were out.

Oh behave. I look at plenty of blokes, doesnt mean I want to shag them senseless.

Unless theres some back story here, I think you're being ridiculous and insecure. Take some time to value your self

Tbf whether I was single or i was married to someone I loved, a few years down the line with kids or not and someone like Evan Peters walked in, you can bet your ass I'd check him out. A lot.

Guess I might try and be subtle about it though. But tbh if it was a rare occasion from me or from him I'd expect the other person just to let it slide tbh. Everyone has a type and it's natural to check it out if they walk into the room you are in.

As long as he is a good partner overall, I'd just let it slide.

As long as he wasn't leering at her boobs or something.

What has triggered your jealousy for 10 years and then it seems to have culminated in him seeing this woman.

Why do you have these feelings of insecurity and low self esteem?
How did your parents treat you?

Don't put him on a pedestal, I bet you are attractive and plenty of men are looking at you.

My ex narcissistic husband, didn't just look, he would openly flirt, pass comments, chase after them and i put up with and seethed inside.

I realise my parents didn't give a shit about me, didn't love me or show me any affection . They were angry, abusive and aggressive and I always felt just lucky to be in a relationship with anyone who showed me a bit of attention.

Sadly I married an abusive, aggressive man just like my father and repeated the childhood pattern. Now i am happy to be on my own and try and heal myself.

1.You can not force someone to love you.

1. The only behaviour you can control is your own.

3.The only person that can make you truly happy is yourself.

Love yourself more.

I'm sure he would've just loved you doing the same to an attractive man. Not. It's rude.

Very rude, he was sat with his wife and kids.

I wonder how the poor woman felt being gauped at every minute he was there?

OP your Husband was a Prick.. it's not cool to eye up other people in front of your wife and kids and it's not funny. Don't let anyone on here invalidate how he made you feel, that was real.

You're crying with jealousy because your partner of 10 years was distracted by a woman at lunch. Just read that back for yourself a few times.

Look, if you believe that your value as a human being and a partner is based on this one man finding only you attractive for the next 50 ish years, then please know you are in for a world of pain.

We are animals. Sometimes another person will really get our attention in a physical, hard to ignore kind of way. It's not a commentary on you or him or your relationship. Please get a grip.

If he was being rude and staring too much, just nudge him and remind him, with humour, that staring is rude.

Overreacting. I look at men when I find them attractive. DH probably does it with women as well. Doesn’t bother me. It’s natural. I’m not insecure though

OP, you are not being silly. His blatant public ogling was very disrespectful to you, and was actually an indirect display of contempt. It is not too late to address how his behavior made you feel. You need to express your feelings and he needs to listen.

You're sitting at home crying and felt embarrassed for the kids because he was eyeing up another woman?

Is there a back story here with your mental health? Do you suffer anxiety, depression, extreme jealousy etc? That seems such an extreme off the scale reaction, there has to be more to it.