Am I stupid to feel jealous?

[bluecard]

I have never been jealous in my relationship for the past 10 years but now I'm sat crying as I feel so shit.

Just been out with partner and kids for lunch and the whole time partner kept looking at this same woman. When he noticed me looking at him he said ' are you ok?' Then a few minutes later done it again. When she stood up he looked, when she talked he looked and I'm just so angry and feel shit. Should I say something to him or am I being silly? I know he would have found her attractive.

Speak to him about it or it will eat away at you.
He completely disrespected you and your DC whatever his answer but at least you save a bit of self-respect by pulling him up on it and hopefully he will think better of it in the future.

there's a difference between looking at someone and thinking they are attractive and to sit there and constantly look at another woman, thats shit, and I would be fumming.
it does show a lack of respect as he can control his eyeballs, you already saw she was attractive why continue looking?
if I have noticed someone attractive I look at them think oh he's nice then get on with my life

@lexiepuppy

In her opening thread, @bluecard said she had NOT been jealous in the past 10 years.

You're sitting at home crying and felt embarrassed for the kids because he was eyeing up another woman?

Is there a back story here with your mental health? Do you suffer anxiety, depression, extreme jealousy etc? That seems such an extreme off the scale reaction, there has to be more to it.

So it's all OP's fault.... nice piece of victim blaming there...

I know the damage a DP with a wandering eye can do to your self esteem.

It makes you feel awful. Yes I’m sure we all notice other attractive people but to sit repeatedly staring every time she moved or spoke is just weird and disrespectful.

Surely we all have more self control than that.

@beenwhereyouare You are right, I totally misread it. So my answer doesn't make a lot of sense.

Ok so now I feel so silly. We were sat catching up on GBBO when he blurted out ' that's the woman she reminded me of' ( pointing at Alice) . I asked what he meant and he replied ' that woman sat by us in the marsh at lunchtime.i couldn't think who she reminded me of' I just replied by saying oh.

I'm guessing all along he was just trying to figure out who she reminded him of. He could of just asked me then and maybe I would have realised.

I feel a bit guilty now as I've been off with him all day. I don't know why I over reacted so much.

Anyway thank you all for your replies I've taken the advice on board.

This is what happens when people fail to communicate! If one cant even ask their DP a simple question but jump yo emotional conclusions, then it will always end badly. If you had casually asked "Do you know her."..."because you're staring like I suggested earlier" before moaning on here, you may have found it out but no, he had to be the mind reader yet again (poor DPs) to think to ask you so you dont seethe in silence. I bet you acted like you didn't notice and been slagging him off all day! You owe him a silent apology at least.

@lexiepuppy
I've done the same thing before. Easy to misread sometimes. And this was NOT the ending I was expecting. But then I'm an insecure, jealous sort! 😂

@bluecard, I'm glad this seems to be nothing. Sometimes they really don't think how their behaviour appears to others.

This says a lot more about your self-esteem than it does anything else. Even if he did fancy her why does it matter? You don’t suddenly go blind because you’re in a relationship. It’s healthy and normal to fancy others so long as you don’t act on it.

Isn't finding others attractive an inherent human trait? It's the truth of human nature that we instinctively are drawn to what we perceive to be positive in some way.

I find other men sexually attractive (I have a boyfriend) and I am certain he finds other women sexually attractive, it would only be an issue if either of us acted on it. Surely if some man walked into where you were and you found him attractive you would have a little glance over at him? I would, in fact I do.

We all feel insecure at times for whatever reason, we just have to try to not allow it to fester into something major.