If you've been cheated on..

[Annbann]

Did you notice your partner being extra nice to you?
I've name changed for this.

Not at all — he was horrible.

Of course, everyone is different. But for many ‘normal’ people, you have to demonise the other person and convince yourself the relationship is essentially over to justify the cheating.

If a cheating partner was being extra nice, I would think they’re a sociopath.

That’s interesting. Mine was. He was, and is, in education. I always thought he was a decent person, if spineless. Turns out I was completely wrong!
The week he left he bought me flowers, in the weeks up to leaving he wrote nice notes, the physical side restarted, that bad feeling in the pit of my stomach was finally started to shift... and then he was gone.

Did me a massive favour, as it turned out

Mixture of the two. Horrid to me in public and then nice as pie when at home.

He was when he got found out

He was nice when he'd just done it (insert cheating action here), nasty again when he was trying to manufacture arguments/reasons to storm out ... for a night with whichever woman at the time her.

So, yes, both nasty and nice. It was absolutely an horrendous and sanity challenging experience.

My ex was just grumpy, stroppy, huffy etc 24/7. Nothing changed when he was cheating. I was sad for about 2 days, then overjoyed when he buggered off to live with the mutual friend he'd been having an emotional affair with. He's a total hobosexual; he goes wherever he can get his feet under the table. They're married now and I just feel incredibly sorry for her and her kids. She must have very low standards for herself cos he is so so miserable.

Super lovely when he had left and made loads of promises, then quickly turned and it became an incredibly ugly divorce. Fortunately, I suspected his assurances and promises were bullshit and was ready for the onslaught.

These guys really can turn nice and nasty on like the hot and cold taps. It's just utility to them, no real feeling.

Can I ask - do you suspect he’s cheating and he’s being extra nice to you to cover it up?

I came home one day to a house full of petals that lead upstairs to the bedroom with a beautiful gift on the bed.....totally out of character....he was gone 2 weeks later....that was a long time ago. I can laugh at it now as it was so obvious now!

Mine just came home from work one day packed a bag and told me he was leaving to go live with OW. Up until then I had absolutely no idea he was cheating as his behaviour hadn't changed at all.

@ProseccoIsTheAnswerHere Yes, I don't think he's cheated yet but he's emotionally involved I think, but he's been extra nice lately and didn't/couldn't put my finger on it until last night.
He doesn't suspect I know anything yet though. I'm trying to do some more digging

In short yes .. whenever hed slept with someone during his work day hed be helpful around the house by doing the dishes and cleaning the kitchen but that was it really .. he was cheating between jobs whilst working (gardener so had multiple hook ups every week) .. he was a nice guy so everyone thought it was in my head until I got proof .. 4 years of manipulation and narcissistic actions before I finally got the truth from his phone - he even denied it and threatened me when I told him to leave! .. in all honesty there were 2 incidents of issues previously but he just basically made out I was the crazy gf but I was right all along .. I never thought hed have actually cheated until I saw the message proof on his phone - I literally thought the worst would be sexting - not him screwing grannies and men!

No. He went awol!

Mine would pick argument with me. I think he'd do this subconsciously so he could justify his behaviour

Well I've seen no proof other than he has been messaging a girl from his work, but it's on snapchat so I can't see the contents of the conversation.
During the week last week I had 'I love you' text messages, got a foot massage last night. Just random things.
I don't know if I'm being paranoid

My first husband was horrible, just nasty. My now ex, super sweet, both incredibly manipulative and nothing ever their fault. I am so much happier now on my own than having to have this feeling at the put of my stomach that something wasn't right, it made me pinned up with anxiety and I couldn't explain why.
Find out if he is if you can, if he has form for this then he probably is, and listen to your gut feeling's

No he got more argumentative, started fights, picking at me a lot, generally vile.

Ann Id say if you’re questioning this sudden change in behaviour then it’s worth keeping an eye on

Is it possible this woman is just telling him how to be a better partner?

blind optimism

No, he was still a prick.

Do you know this girl?could you find out who she is?hmmm get where youre coming from...had a ex that cheated was awful to me then rang me 4am to tell me that he'd met someone else who's better than me etc etc I wished him well and told him I will eventually get over it!

I always knew my ExH was cheating as He would buy me something he always refused me to have. (Emotional and financial abuse) biggest purchase was a kitchen aid.

He was really nice and really mean.

I suspect that it was guilt and he genuinely thought that I wouldn't guess about the affair if he acted like a devoted husband. He wasn't a mean person before the affair- it's just that the nice behaviour didn't tally with previous nice behaviour so it was like living with a different person.

His nice behaviour was a reason why dc1 suspected he was up to no good. Lots of sudden trips to ToysRUs etc

I’d say to trust your gut feeling...

But for many ‘normal’ people, you have to demonise the other person and convince yourself the relationship is essentially over to justify the cheating

This. He was horrible to me when he was home . However he was out “ working “ most the time, leaving with with three small children 24/7.

I believed 100% that he was at work and I never checked up on him. More fool me.