Partner looking for fun elsewhere

[Battenburg11]

I’ve been with my partner for nearly twelve years and it’s been an emotional rollercoaster mainly due to his alcoholism. We have two children. He has an addictive personality but has not had a drink in six months or so.

This morning I came across something on his phone and see that it was some sex dating site, I confronted him and he said he’s just seeking a thrill as he’s turning to his late 40s and it’s an ego boost thing and he wouldn’t actually meet anyone etc

Tonight I went through his emails and see that he has set up a profile earlier this year seeking women mainly for no strings attached sex and fulfilling his fantasies. I then find he has been googling local prostitutes.

I feel sick just reading it. I don’t think he has met anyone. I feel so heartbroken if anything for our children.

I work full time and more or less a cleaner and cook at weekends and basically exhausted. We do have sex but obviously not to the frequency and degree that he would like.

I’m torn as to what to do. I feel like being taken for a fool and for the support I’ve given him.

I so much want a normal family life in a loving relationship as I had a terrible childhood.

OP, ^this is your problem. This is the mantra of the women everywhere who stay in abusive relationships.

Your DH is not the antidote to this - he is the reason you will also have a terrible adulthood if you don't get out now.

I agree with PPs he is an old hand at this.

Send the kids somewhere else. Change the locks. His gear on the front drive. Text him to advise him of this. Job done.

Let this prince among men see if he can get one of these witty and attractives to house him.

Oh and what LonginesPrime said

Jesus, he's put some thought into that hasn't he? And the fact he wouldn't let you see his profile tells you all you need to know, he's been in touch with women.

I'm also not sure how you're confused. He's a cheating alcoholic. And a sleazy one at that.

Bin him off, he's only there so he has someplace to stay and the kids.

And agree, the don't back out thing tells you he's had women who have backed out before. It wouldn't occur to a new person to write that. So someone's pissed him off.

I so much want a normal family life in a loving relationship

You're not going to have that with this relationship OP... don't marry this car crash and give him access to your assets

I had a terrible childhood

Don't make it a terrible adulthood too.

We must be safe and screened to ensure each others health and wellbeing; then watch us go

So he is advertising that he wants to have unprotected sex with a random he will meet through the internet? I agree with the pp who say he is not new to this, I am so sorry OP, this is awful.

If you do not feel strong enough to get rid of him yet do yourself a favour today, get a solicitors appointment and find out about protecting yourself legally and financially. Get checked for STI.

Then get some counselling, as someone who also had a crap, abusive childhood what happened then has "groomed" you for what is happening now, our boundaries are skewed and we are so eager to be a part of a loving, happy family that we minimise just about anything. You will never have a good, happy family life with this man, you and your DC deserve better than this. Please take care.

You are independent.
You are working.
It is YOUR house.
You aren't married.
He's an alcoholic and you've put up with that for years.
He's chasing other women.
He's wanting no strings sex.
He writes like a misogynistic fucking twat.
Seriously OP!!!!
Look at yourself.
Why are you putting up with this hideous 'man'?
How is even still in YOUR house?
I’m torn as to what to do
How you are torn is beyond me.
His bags would be packed and he'd be out of that door with it smacking him firmly on his arse as I kicked it out the door.
Wake up OP.

I'm not suprised to read you had an awful childhood.
But realise your worth and do it soon.
This 'man' is not worthy of you at all.

Bags on the lawn and change the locks, then contact CMS to get a claim started immediately.

You’re not married and it’s your house so the power’s all in your hands. You may have been ground down to the point where you think this idiot is all you can get, but that is as far from the truth as you could be.

You’ll feel shit for the first couple of months but it WILL be so much better after that.

No coming back from that for me. I'd be gone. What a creep

It's your house so throw him out of it
He's disgusting