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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

To be this insecure

7 replies

maz82 · 12/10/2019 10:13

As it says. I have severe insecurity problems. I was a care child, grew up constantly being let down by the people that should have looked after me. I grew up feeling unlovable and even though I am now 37 with 3 beautiful kids I cant shake the feeling. I have a dp that I have been with for 2 years. He is amazing. We have issues like everyone else normally around out kids but overall he is great. Only I cant shake the feeling that he is going to leave me for someone prettier, skinnier just better than me. I get insecure whenever he looks or speaks to another woman. I dont make it obvious to him all the time but my heart races and I get these deep feelings of dread. I'm so scared of losing him to someone better than me I dont know what to do. I've tried counselling but it doesnt work. I know the issues are mine but after so long of feeling like this I just dont know how to break the cycle. I hate myself. I hate my body and the way I feel.

OP posts:
MNHQ
EstherMumsnet · 12/10/2019 22:35

Hi OP, this sounds tough. We are going to move this to the Relationships area in the hope that some people will be along with some good advice soon.

RLEOM · 12/10/2019 23:31

Sorry you're going through this, OP. How about trying CBT? It's about changing your thought processes. ❤

incywincyspiders · 13/10/2019 00:12

Hi lovely,

I'm in a similar situation and have the exact same feelings that you do. I don't have any advice other than I try to challenge the thoughts with the evidence that's infront of me ( e.g. my partner chose me, loves me, wants to be with me) and try to ignore all the other situations. Although I always end up obsessing and worrying. If you need anyone to talk to, please feel free to PM me.

lexiepuppy · 13/10/2019 00:17

You are having totally normal reactions to your care home upbringing. Sorry to sound harsh but you were abandoned and neglected, when you should have been loved ,protected, secure and safe.
Children get their programming in their first 7 years of life. Watch Bruce Lipton on YouTube.
Also look up about Childhood Emotional neglect.
Inner child wounding- Sounds a bit crazy, but it has some valid points.
It will be to do with your attachment style.
You could look up about Childhood attachment style. Pychy2go on YouTube are good.
I think your reaction is perfectly normal. I had an abusive childhood and I'm trying to understand it. I feel insecure in relationships and never feel good enough.

I've had counselling and got nowhere with it too.

My 3 life lessons (There are loads more!)

  1. YOU can not make someone love you.

2.The only persons behaviour you can control is your own.

  1. The only person that can make you truly happy is yourself.

Love yourself more. FlowersFlowers

Interestedwoman · 13/10/2019 00:40

Hi, it's not as well known as some forms of therapy, so people mightn'tve heard of it, but I have EMDR which is for all types of trauma etc. It tends to work faster than other therapies. Would recommend. Hugs xxx

lexiepuppy · 13/10/2019 00:44

Also look at Complex PTSD.
I believe that if I can understand what went on in my early life and how it has affected me, and if I can make sense of it and overcome it , it might give me the key to unlocking a stronger, happier me!
Or might work for you too.

MrsTriOskvi · 13/10/2019 01:58

No advice really but I've been feeling exactly like this too even though I have no reason to. It is so so horrible xx

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