Do you have a much younger half-sibling?

[Sisterissues2019]

I'm looking for opinions and advice please from people who have much younger half-siblings, or who maybe are that half-sibling.

My 4 year old daughter has two older half-sisters who are 19 and 22.

I’ve been with their father for 9 years, married for 5. I was not the other woman and there were several years between my husband’s divorce and us getting together.
I have a distant but cordial relationship with my step-daughters’ mother, there have never been any issues (that I’m aware of). I get on well with my step-daughters, but they rarely keep in contact with us (despite our efforts, which are not over the top).
They seem to get on with my husband when they see him, but that’s hardly ever as they refuse or ignore any suggestions of meeting up. My husband has always paid maintenance and maintained contact as much as possible. My step daughters live about half an hour’s drive away.

Step-daughters have met my daughter once, not long after she was born, but haven’t seen her in nearly 4 years.

I suppose what I’m trying to understand is if you have a younger half-sibling, what might be your reasons for not wanting to have a relationship with them? I can of course think of some potential reasons, but I want to understand it from the point of view of the older sibling. I’m an only child so have limited understanding of sibling relationships.

They aren’t interested in seeing her and don’t remember her birthday or anything like that. I guess it’s up to them, but personally I think it’s shame and they are all missing out. When my daughter is old enough to understand I will be honest with her, and although I wouldn’t say anything bad about her sisters, I would have to say I’m not sure why they don’t keep in touch.

Any advice welcome, thank you

We have absolutely nothing uncommon and we didn't grow up together and so don't share any memories.
I have a half sister 2 years younger than me, she's my best friend and I love her so much.
I'm 27, married for 6 years, and have 2 children, there is nothing I have in common with a 12 year old.
It's not mean, it's just what it is.
No shared experiences and no real bond.
That's just my personal experience, I don't see my dad regularly, meaning I don't see my 2 half siblings very often as he only has them 2 days a week and I just kind of bump into them when I visit my nan. They're basically strangers to me.

I have 2 younger half siblings which I didn't meet until I was 20 my sister was 9 brother 7 I'm very close to them now my sister was godmother to my baby I don't see them as half siblings they're my brother and sister and they're the same with me but I'm quite close to their mother too she's an amazing step mum and granny to my child

I have 2 who are 13 and 14 years younger. I adored them when they were born but I resent the attention my mum still lavished on them as they got older and on their children when they had them.
I was a lone parent for osme of this time and had cancer too but she hardly helped me out at all whilst looking after my nephews constantly for my privledged married sisters.
Still. Does.
My exh went off with ow when my Dd was a baby and had 4 more kids.
My Dd loves her younger sibs but her dad hardly bothered with her and when he did it always I volved the other 4.
She had to attend their lavish birthday parties whilst recieving 20 quid in a card from them so she stopped going to them.
Her dad hardly bothers at all now she is 18 but him and hjs partner frequently remark on her not seeing her siblings, appearing to be clueless as to why this might be. She is very hurt and angry about this and I feel that if they wanted her to have a proper relationship with them, they should have made more effort to make her part of their family and not just a token 2 hours now and again on a Sunday. She would also have appreciated some time alone with her dad to build up a bond.

My dad left my mum when me and my sisters were all under ten. He didn’t try and maintain a relationship and wasn’t very nice to my mum. I felt rejected as he moved onto another woman and played happy families with her DS and his new DD. We were a passing thought. I have never viewed my half sister as my sister ever. I have no relationship with her and don’t feel any connection. When I was a teenager I stopped bothering with my dad and didn’t see him for years. My older sister hated him with a passion. Sounds like your DH may have not been a great dad to his DC hence they feel able not to bother with him

I think the thing that is really almost universally overlooked is the need for older kids to spend time with their dad alone. It’s not much fun for teenagers to be in a house where everything is orientated around the needs of young children.

I can think of hardly any families (actually none) where it has been standard for older kids to get quality time with their dad when he has a second family. Perhaps times have changed now

I have 2 half siblings. We share our mum. There is 15 & 16 years between us, I love them dearly and have always felt very maternal towards them.

I don't know if it would be different if my dad had another child, he lives 300 miles away so it probably would be distanced.

I have a half sister who is about 10 years younger. The situation is "reversed" for us in the sense that my father kept in touch with me, paid child support for me, etc., but basically abandoned her. I would have really liked to be in touch with her when I was younger, but it was discouraged (very difficult circumstances all around). We did link up later but it was then quite difficult to sort through all that, for various reasons. I think it can just be hard on people because there's usually an imbalance in the (perceived or real) affection and care they got from the parent they have in common.

I'm so glad this thread has come up, it is very pertinent to me and mine.

My ex had 3 DC when we met, I had none. I encouraged him to see them, with me and with just him and them for quality time alone with their dad. He wasn't bothered about 'quality' time with them at all.

We had 2 DC of our own. He was not a good partner or parent as I discovered all too late. He treated us very badly indeed, as well as not bothering with his other children, despite me trying very hard to maintain relationships.

His other DC only really wanted their fathers attention, which he couldn't be bothered to give them. Unfortunately, they thought my DC were receiving the attention they weren't, little did they know how tough my DC had it too. Suffice to say there's no contact between them
and my DC, and I maintain it's all because of their useless father. His older DC are fully aware of their fathers shortcomings, with them and my DC, but too little too late.

My DC are adults now and not bothered. I have cried rivers in the past, and still dwell sometimes, but it is what it is.

It's the parents role to nurture the relationships between half siblings, there is much rivalry and jealousy between second and subsequent families.

I'm 34 and have an 8 year old half sister. The age gap is just too big for us to be close. Factors that don't help matters are just how busy I am, the fact that my dad and her mum aren't together anymore and my dad only has her at the weekend, and I only see my dad once a month or six weeks, sometimes longer. She's a nice kid and gets on well with my 7 year old though. We never forget her birthday or Christmas.

Not me, but dd’s BFF (14) has a half sibling aged 2. She has been going through a period of bafflement as to why her dad and his gf expect her to be interested in the baby. She just doesn’t get it. I only get her side of the story (I’ve never met her dad or his gf) but from her POV, when the baby was born she wasn’t encouraged to have a relationship with him ie wasn’t allowed to hold him or feed him etc (according to her) and she also has a rubbish relationship with her dad since her parents divorced. She went almost a year without seeing him at all.
I don’t see how half siblings can be expected to develop a sibling relationship unless they are being parented by the parent in common to some degree. If you are in a situation where a 15yo only sees their new half sibling at birth and never in the subsequent 4 years then the parenting just isn’t there. Parenting older an adult dcs is obviously not the same as little ones but how the hell has the dad never got all his kids in the same room at once even if it’s dropping of a birthday present or a pub lunch or something. What happens at Christmas etc?

I have a half-sibling who I love very much — he’s exactly 20 years younger than me — and tbh the single thing that keeps me from loving him fully is my dad.

My father, with whom I’m very close, both takes credit for my successes and faults my mother, who worked very hard and made an amazing woman out of me after being left suddenly by my dad for OW, for all of the little things that disappoint him.

He would never realise it — just the other week he was telling me how my stepmom was the best mother he’d ever seen, without acknowledging how he’d left my own mom in the total shit.

I love my little brother, but my dad and stepmom pretending I was magicked into the world, without the real pain of my mother, is the problem. I bet you do this without even meaning to, tbh.

I was 17 when my half brother was born. Our father died when he was 9. I kept in touch with him and his mother (even though she married the man she had been seeing behind my dads back). He stayed at my house, I never forgot birthdays, Christmas and visited several times a year.

Once he left for uni I barely saw him. He forgot my dd’s birthday, no Xmas present for her (or even a card), no messages or phone calls unless I contacted him.

In the end I backed off and it’s been over 2 years since I’ve seen him. Basically I’m not an important part of his life, I can’t force that.