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Relationships

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Original poster

Am I being paranoid about DH phone?

77 replies

Turnthebassup · 10/10/2019 16:32

Full disclosure I’m DHs 3rd wife. His first two marriages broke down because he was unfaithful. (Not with me).

He has a second phone. His first phone is a work phone and the second phone he bought to play a game which he has been addicted to for years (chess). He did play it on his work phone but about a year ago he bought this second phone, apparently because his work were monitoring phone use and he didn’t want personal apps on there (although he does use it for lots of other stuff it is his main phone). When he first got the new phone he was on it quite a bit playing chess. Not secretive with it at all. I haven’t seen him on it for months. About a month ago I noticed the phone had moved from his bedside drawer. I asked him where it was as I thought one of the kids might have it and he said he’d been playing chess and left it in his office.

I’m not even going to try and make up a lie about snooping on the phone, I actively went looking for it today. I found it eventually in his office, in a bottom drawer (not hidden but not on view either). It’s fully charged but has a 10 digit pin to even get into it. I wouldn’t even know where to start to unlock it.

Just this alone and his history, would that get your suspicions up?

OP posts:

user1479305498 · 10/10/2019 19:11

I was going to suggest that too, Sim into your own phone. The info is on the sim so in your phone it should show up as his info on there . It may be something or nothing, but in this case I too would be very suspicious.

Sexnotgender · 10/10/2019 19:15

Definitely suspicious. Does he have no other devices he could have played chess on? Can’t possibly see the need for a second phone to play a game on.

Original poster

Turnthebassup · 10/10/2019 19:17

He unlocked the phone. There was nothing on it. Literally nothing but the chess game.

Suspiciously clean or not I don’t bloody know. He was fine about opening it for me. I went through it and then we carried on cooking dinner. I don’t know what to think now. No contacts, no calls, no messages, no apps, just chess.

OP posts:

SmellMySmellbow · 10/10/2019 19:19

The only thing on my sim is some old numbers and some texts. Everything is saved in the clous now, eg google drive, Whatsapp, facebook messenger etc. I don't think a sim will tell you much.

SmellMySmellbow · 10/10/2019 19:20

Yeah he's wiped it. Why would he have set up a 10 digit lock code for a chess game??

SprinkleDash · 10/10/2019 19:25

His first two marriages broke down because he was unfaithful

Why would you marry someone who had form for cheating? I don’t understand that! It’s asking for heartbreak!

Secretbadlife · 10/10/2019 19:26

One question - why would you need a code if it's just for chess? Is it incase someone steals his secret moves? No- he interested in someones else's chest and he doesnt want you to discover the moves he's made on her.

Princessfaffalot · 10/10/2019 19:26

He’s wiped it. No one has a 10 digit pin to unlock a phone with just chess on. He probably wiped it as soon as you asked about it for one of the kids.

Minionmomma · 10/10/2019 19:27

You don’t trust him. And I don’t blame you because of his past. The seed of doubt has now been planted. The second phone thing never sat right with you which is why you noticed it was going. Trust your intuition. You say his movements are the same as usual. Is there anything else that has changed - his attitude towards you, your sex life, more interest in personal appearance? You need to be really careful that you’re not barking up the wrong tree though.

Minionmomma · 10/10/2019 19:28

*which is why you noticed it was gone from the bedside table..

justasking111 · 10/10/2019 19:31

Well if he is playing away the third phone will be somewhere you cannot find it. The car is a popular choice.

pikapikachu · 10/10/2019 19:33

That sounds like bullshit. If he doesn't want his work knowing about what he got up to online, I'd expect all call logs from friends (bar you) and private companies (eg the garage who does his Mot), social media apps and sport apps (if he's a fan) to be on that phone. Did you check the browser history?

Have you ever started the chess app? Is there a chat function or could it be a cover for a different app? You can have hidden apps on phones. Personally I don't think anyone has ever been sacked for playing chess in a company phone during non-working hours.

pikapikachu · 10/10/2019 19:34

My ex hid his cheating phone in his gym bag and in his laptop bag. Kept his Viagra in the car.

justasking111 · 10/10/2019 19:36

@pikapikachu good searches there.

Reallynowdear · 10/10/2019 19:46

You don't need a 10 digit code for a game.

Notonthestairs · 10/10/2019 19:51

I went to a talk about internet safety. You can get an app which looks like the standard calculator app. Tap in a particular equation and it reveals hidden apps!
Not saying that is what is going on here but I was amazed at how easy it would be to hide something in plain sight.

Thehouseintheforest · 10/10/2019 20:00

OP please don't let the paranoia about EVERY relationship anyone in MN is involved in - ruin your marriage.

One of the most annoying phrases on here is 'once a cheater always a cheater'. It's just Bollox. Human beings are not a homogeneous lump !
He may cheat on you because that is he nature - he may equally never cheat on you because you provide the love/interest/va va voom that was missing in his last two marriages.

Please - if you genuinely have nothing more than an empty phone then don't let posters on here spoil your relationship with paranoia.

Wherearemymarbles · 10/10/2019 20:15

All i would say is this.
He could have bought a tablet.
He doesn't need a sim card to play chess - wifi will do.

SpoonBlender · 10/10/2019 20:19

@KellyHall The SIM doesn't store anything except the phone number (and a bunch of boring tech details). It doesn't include any messages or accounts or web history or whatever.

Moving it to another phone would give that phone the number, and nothing else.

SpoonBlender · 10/10/2019 20:20

@user1479305498 as above, also.

sheshootssheimplores · 10/10/2019 20:21

So he came home. You asked him to unlock his second phone that you had searched high and low for. He does it, you look through it. You hand it back to him and continue with dinner. Nothing else said?

That sounds unlikely. He must have asked why. If he didn’t question it that’s weird on itself isn’t it? I’d want to have a conversation about trust in his position if he wasn’t up to anything.

SimpleAndPlanned · 10/10/2019 20:23

Did you check for messages in the chess app?

choli · 10/10/2019 20:46

No one has a 10 digit passcode to get into a phone unless they’re a spy or they’re up to something. DH is in IT and super vigilant about device security and even he only has a six digit code.
I have an iPhone for work. It has a 10 digit password. The password is my private cell phone number. That way I don't forget it.

ExcitedForFuture · 10/10/2019 20:57

Very odd OP. Did you ask why he needs a 10 digit code for a game?

namina · 10/10/2019 20:59

@AryaStarkWolf THIS

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