Is being unhappy a good enough reason to leave?

[Suzie0003]

As my title says really, we've been together 12 years and have grown apart. I feel I've changed as a person and he hasn't, he's still the same person as he was 12 years ago.

There's no abuse in our marriage we're just unhappy. I'm unhappy because I'm not attracted to him, I don't enjoy his company and we no longer have anything in common. It's horrible seeing that written down but it's true. He feels rejected which to be fair he's entitled to because I do reject him regularly.

We have 3 children together and we jointly own our home. I guess my question is is it wrong to throw away an OK relationship just because I feel unsatisfied? We're both in our early 30s and have alot of years left to live and to be honest the idea of spending all those years ahead of me with him brings me down.

He's a good man, hardworking, Affectionate and loyal and I'm sure he will make someone really happy but I just don't think that person is me.

Any words of advice?

@Suzie0003 well you and the kids deserve to be happy! So if he's not willing to work at it properly the you quit knowing you tried your best and I think that's the best anyone can do.

Be gentle on yourself. It's tough time.

your eldest has a difficult rlationship and wont want to see their Dad
He has lasted less than a day

And you are still thinking of counselling?

OP, I was married to someone like this, the problem was complacency set in on his part, I had been with him from being a teen and 10 years later with 2 kids he treated me like a housekeeper that also worked full time and also kept him serviced, these were unspoken expectations. He wasn't a bad guy at all but wanted the kind of relationship that made me feel very used. TV was always stuff he wanted, holidays to places he wanted, his attitude was I earn more money, so it's my say. In the end I ended up having an affair , I ended the affair but left anyway. Not proud of this at all but the affair in my case was a symptom of everything that wasn't right

Hi everyone, it's been a rough week. Full of ups and downs. One minute I want to finish it, the next I don't want him to leave 😔 We have relate booked for a weeks time so hoping the counsellor will be able to guide us in some way

Yes of course it is ok to leave! I would say try everything you can to save the marriage before you do go but if that doesnt work then yes leave.

On second thought, will you be happier without him? If yes just go. It sounds like
You’re already a single parent. Good luck!!

It's one of the best reasons for leaving. Aside from abuse obviously. The fact we place so little importance on happiness is not healthy. You're asking "Is it ok for me to be happy?"

The answer is yes.

Unpopular view. You chose your husband. You chose to have three kids with him. Didn't you evaluate your happiness and compatibility before each of these events?

No you don't need to stay in an unhappy marriage - but instead of throwing the towel in I think you need to find your happiness within the marriage again.

However amicable - you will hurt your kids. They want a home with two parents who are happy. Try and get happy. You owe your kids this

Not necessarily chopc. Although my children wouldn’t have thought they weren’t happy before, they both say they’re happier since I split from their dad. And that’s even without him bothering to see them for the last year. Life’s consistent and I provide everything they need.

Suzie, you’re bound to have conflicting thoughts, even in the worst relationship, there’s some good bits. Do you want to stay? Or do you want to go back to how it was (years ago, for an hour last Tuesday, when you were on holiday or whatever)?

@nex18 well obviously a good dad wouldn't be able to go a year without seeing his kids ......... but in OP's case - there is nothing wrong - just that she is no longer in love

Chopc have you actually read the OPs posts there is a lot wrong with this relationship and with his attitude

Suzie0003 I'm in a similar boat to you although a bit more adanced. Married 10 years 3 kids. Told my H last month that I wasn't feeling happy for a few years now and something was missing. He then confessed he's battling a 20 year weed addiction which he hadn't told me about and this kind of explained how i started disconnecting with him and how he has been emotionally absent.
So I've now told him I want to seperate but we are still living together for now to see how it works.
70% of the time I'm confident in my decision and then 30% I feel guilty about splitting the family, is this reason enough to end a marriage when some women are being cheated on and abused, do I think the grass is greener etc etc it's so hard.
I've got a councilling session booked for myself for 28th Oct and it can't come quick enough! !

Chopc I don’t think I said anything about my ex being a good (or bad) dad, just that children can be happier when their parents separate.