Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Smitten

65 replies

Smitten81 · 10/10/2019 12:49

I’ve just started a relationship after meeting someone on Plenty Of Fish. I’m recently divorced and have 2 daughters : 9 and 7.
He is great, attentive, affectionate and we enjoy each other’s company.
This is my first relationship after my husband and I am totally smitten. He has not been in a relationship for over 6 years and before that he was in a long term for over 10.
We have friended each other on Social Media and I have friended his family on FB but we haven’t met in real life yet.
It’s 8 weeks into the relationship and I adore him and think I may be falling in love.
He seems to be on the same wavelength and I am just wanting on advice on how quickly to introduce him to my daughters and the best way to do this.
My ex knows about him and we are on good terms.

OP posts:
MarianaMoatedGrange · 10/10/2019 13:51

I'm a cynical old bugger, and when I see things moving fast when the woman has kids my cocklodger alarm bell rings.

Original poster
Smitten81 · 10/10/2019 13:53

Ok new to all this .. what’s a cocklodger ?

OP posts:
Pinkbonbon · 10/10/2019 13:57

Someone that wants to move in with you quick for a place to stay/a woman to run about after him n pay his bills ect...

MarianaMoatedGrange · 10/10/2019 13:58

A cocklodger is a man who targets mainly single parents with an established, comfortable home, quickly moves in, provides sex but little else.

Original poster
Smitten81 · 10/10/2019 14:02

To be honest the sex isn't that great but everything else is!

OP posts:
MarianaMoatedGrange · 10/10/2019 14:05

ED? No foreplay? Why is the sex not great?

giantwatermelon · 10/10/2019 14:05

Hey, everyone here is telling you to be careful which I get. But I just wanted to say congrats! It's nice to feel wanted and attractive and loved. There's more to you than being a mother. It's nice to have someone to look forward to seeing everyday.

Have fun and enjoy all the new beginnings.

PinkMonkeyBird · 10/10/2019 14:06

I honestly wouldn't be getting him to meet your kids so quickly. I've made that mistake before and never will do it again. Don't be so hasty.

Original poster
Smitten81 · 10/10/2019 14:09

No I will keep them from meeting him - just want to shout it from the rooftops if you know what I mean.

No the foreplay is fantastic ... just intercourse is over quite quickly...

OP posts:
Pinkbonbon · 10/10/2019 14:11

Was it not good because it takes a bit of trial and error to find out what the other person likes n you both just need practice?

...or was it not good because he wasn't interested in foreplay or satisfying your needs?

The first one can be worked on, provided he is open to suggestions. The second one is a lost cause as it shows you he is selfish.

MarianaMoatedGrange · 10/10/2019 14:12

Well that could improve. Be honest with him. Both partners should be satisfied not just the man!

But about the kids, no not for months. Meet his family and friends first as a pp says.

Original poster
Smitten81 · 10/10/2019 14:13

no the foreplay is fantastic and he is more interested in satisfying my needs than his own. Its just a bit quick.

OP posts:
Pinkbonbon · 10/10/2019 14:14

Ah..tbh maybe cause its been a while for him. As long as he checked to see you were...finished to? If he just thinks it's done when he's done...not good.

Original poster
Smitten81 · 10/10/2019 14:15

we have had sex on more than one occasion and its always the same result.

OP posts:
Servalan · 10/10/2019 14:17

6 months at least before introducing a new partner.

It is easy for a child to become emotionally attached to a parent's new partner and for a break up there to have a significant impact on them, so caution is always advisable.

Blahblahblahnanana · 10/10/2019 14:18

If sex isn’t very good, I really don’t see this ending very well...

RaininSummer · 10/10/2019 14:19

Just carry on having a nice time and do not let him meet kids fr a least a year or move in for at least 2 years. Really strange collecting all his people on facebook before you have even met any of them. Tha'ts going to take a lot of blocking if it all goes tits up.

Original poster
Smitten81 · 10/10/2019 14:20

he says it isn't a problem and he is more than happy to satisfy me and my needs first but the end is over quick

OP posts:
Pinkbonbon · 10/10/2019 14:24

I would maybe bring it up before it becomes an ongoing pattern. Wham bam thankyou mam isn't gonna be great long term is it? Maybe gently say something like 'can we work on the speed, slow things down a bit...because things seem to be ...over a bit fast' if he works on it and things improve then problem solved.

Original poster
Smitten81 · 10/10/2019 14:27

he knows its an issue as he always apologises straight after. I suspect that its always affected him. It doesn't matter on the speed etc..
he said its cos i turn him on so much... which of course at first was flattering to my ego...

OP posts:
Ginger1982 · 10/10/2019 14:27

I suppose it depends on what is important to you. I like foreplay and the way it makes me feel and getting my 'pleasure' and I don't mind if PIV is relatively quick as I don't orgasm that way. He then gets his 'pleasure' too and I look at it as DH being hot for me Grin

If you want prolonged PIV then I can see why you could be disappointed.

All in all I would enjoy the new relationship but definitely keep the kids on the back burner just now.

Original poster
Smitten81 · 10/10/2019 14:29

if it was the odd time then I would be ok with it. Will just have to see how it goes as it is slightly disappointing.

OP posts:
MarianaMoatedGrange · 10/10/2019 14:34

Don't settle for sex that isn't right for you. It can make you resentful over time if he won't address the issue.

Pinkbonbon · 10/10/2019 15:14

Hmm...it might be 'flattering' but it is also making it your fault. He's blaming you for it. I dunno, think that would put me in my guard right enough.

Original poster
Smitten81 · 10/10/2019 15:21

I suppose I never saw it from that perspective... I am a fixer personality so maybe that’s adding to the attraction.

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread