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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

could you be with someone this rude?!

60 replies

Whatthehell189 · 10/10/2019 12:34

I’m currently separated from my daughters Dad, she is 1, had been with him 5 years before she was born. He is now wanting to try again however this weekend when visiting my mums he did not bother saying hello to my mum at all, not a word. My mum had an operation a few days before and usually will try and start a conversation with him but this weekend she said she couldn’t be bothered, he is coming into her home and so he should say hello. It isn’t the first time it’s happened, he’ll even not speak to my sisters. When I brought it up to him he said he thought he had said hello.. I get it is tough, DD and I don’t live with him and are an hours drive away but if you are seeing other people at least acknowledge them. I have a lot of issues with his parents but if I were to go into their home or even just to see them I’d still say hello even if I really didn’t want to be there.. just because it’s the polite thing to do and I’m an adult, I’ll put aside my feelings for that moment to get coexist.

So would you be with or get back together with someone like this?

OP posts:
Brown76 · 10/10/2019 13:12

No

Shinyletsbebadguys · 10/10/2019 13:15

No, not necessarily because I have an issue with the concept of rudeness (mn has very much taught me that people obsess over the oddest things as rude) but because he has shown no empathy or respect to you or your mum and that tells me what kind of person he is.

It's like the old rule , if someone is rude to a waiter or waitress they think they are below them and consider them not to have feelings.

Firstly if he wants back in, make an effort...think about it . Secondly if your mum has been unwell, any level of empathy would make you enquire after someone.

Run away , you deserve better

Chloemol · 10/10/2019 13:20

No

AskMeHow · 10/10/2019 13:22

No

Havana7 · 10/10/2019 13:23

Another No from me

Sexnotgender · 10/10/2019 13:25

No

RLEOM · 10/10/2019 14:03

No

Changemynamexchangemyname · 10/10/2019 14:04

Nope. Is he 14?

Tillyfloss1 · 10/10/2019 14:17

You've done the hard bit by separating, don't go back. If he genuinely wanted to resolve things he would at the very least be making an effort to be polite to your family. You can and will do better. Stay strong x

katsucurry · 10/10/2019 16:06

No.

My ex was like this. We lived with my parents for a few months and he'd come downstairs, join someone in the kitchen, make a drink or whatever and not even say morning! Wouldn't say happy birthday on birthdays either.

I obviously left the weirdo.

MySonIsAlsoNamedBort · 10/10/2019 16:08

No! No one is rude to my mummy and gets away with it!!

Horehound · 10/10/2019 16:11

WHY ARE YOU EVEN ASKING US?

FUCK SAKE

Bluntness100 · 10/10/2019 16:16

Did you not post this before? I'm fairly sure there can't be two mumsnetters trying to get back with their partner who makes a habit of not saying hello.

What are you hoping for, to find someone who will say yes this time? Confused

MaeveDidIt · 10/10/2019 16:22

No - steer well clear.
He's a sad embarressment of a man.

PositiveVibez · 10/10/2019 16:24

Nopety nope.

Spied · 10/10/2019 16:28

He's as much charisma as a fucking wet flannel.
I've had the misfortune of being with a guy like that.

Paddy1234 · 10/10/2019 16:31

No

Original poster
Whatthehell189 · 10/10/2019 16:47

Thanks all for you comments, I did already have a go at him but then got fed the it’s because he is stressed out line and that he may have forgot.. deep down I know it’s a lie.

@Bluntness100, no it wasn’t me, last post I had was about him sexting another woman.. text messages and all.

OP posts:
Horehound · 10/10/2019 17:00

So what are you doing? Why are you even entertaining the idea of taking him back? Have you no self respect?

Original poster
Whatthehell189 · 10/10/2019 17:44

@Horehound, I did leave him so in answer to your question yes I do have some self respect.. my considering reconciling was before this incident and the financial security was a big factor in that. My posting here was really to hear echos of what I’m already thinking as although I know I’m worth more there still in that little voice in my head saying but what if he really did think he said hello.. again I know he didn’t still doesn’t stop that little voice, that easy way out.

OP posts:
BumbleBeee69 · 10/10/2019 22:03

No

Igetknockeddownbutgetupagain · 11/10/2019 07:55

He was sexting someone else, and you had proof.

You split up, got back together and even though he should be on his best behaviour, doing everything he possibly can to show you how much he wants to be with you...he is rude to your family.

No, you are worth so much more than this.

NotStayingIn · 11/10/2019 08:00

It’s brilliant you left him! Don’t go back. Sexting other women, being unbelievably rude, dear god stay well clear.

NWQM · 11/10/2019 08:45

I'm in the no camp too. If we give him the benefit of the doubt and accept he said hello it still means he barely made an effort. There is someone out there who would climb a mountain for you and you'll feel the same.

Asking your Mum how she feels after she has had an operation when a guest in her house is just basic 'being a human being' kind of stuff.

Ounce · 11/10/2019 08:47

Of course not.