In love with a fictional character - is this a thing??

[namechange122222]

I have name changed because I think this may sound ridiculous.

Basically I am middle-aged and divorced, with teenage dc. My ex is my only ever relationship, albeit a long one (about 22 years). Though there was a lot I liked about him at first, the second half of the marriage was bad and the divorce horrible. We are not on speaking terms at all.

I don’t think I will meet anyone else, and I think it’s about coming to terms with that for me.

My ex was emotionally abusive, and I also mourn the fact that I will never have a functional relationship in which I can be honest and in which there is no manipulation.

Anyway, I am plodding on - the dc are with me and they have various issues. I have cut off from a lot of feelings and feel quite cynical.

My question is - is it normal to want to BE a character from a TV show, or even just the actor who portrays them?

This summer I started watching Elementary - and in a few months have got through 7 series. To say I loved it is an understatement. I watched the last episode yesterday and have this overwhelming feeling that I need to either be Watson or if not, at least be Lucy Liu.

WTAF

Because - there is no one like Sherlock. And I need to be loved in the way that Sherlock loves Joan, but never will be. She is great also, they make a great pair. I loved how their friendship was portrayed.

I have no idea what Jonny Lee Miller is like, but his portrayal of Sherlock was great. I loved his intelligence, perception, restraint, the way he spoke, his kindness.

So not only do I want something that I can’t have, it also doesn’t exist because he is fictional.

WTAF again .

And the emotion between them in the last episode - you think you don’t want something any more but then you see it (portrayed) and realise that you don’t want to be emotionally dead. But there is no one that I am close to in that way.

I guess that’s what good acting does?

oh, and who hands up who DIDN'T fall in love with Kalinda from the Good Wife?! Although she would be my bodyguard, I guess.

Derek Shepherd from Greys Anatomy will always be my number one fictional love 😍

Totally normal, I think (hope?).

No... no idea what you mean about loving a fictional character... no idea whatsoever...

starts scribbling out username with a sharpie

I always fall a little bit in love with fictional characters in TV shows (see my username )

The first time I remember was Sam Beckett in Quantum Leap when I was about 11. I'm almost 40 now and still do it.

@AutumnRose1

See I don't think its a betrayal.

I could quite easily see how Will dying the way he did with things not resolved between them, could easily "kill" the Alicia that was there before.

@Miaowing

I guess for me, that's the betrayal. Alicia was, I thought, a strong woman.

I should add I thought Diane was betrayed as well. She wouldn't slap Alicia like that. It reduced the two women to just being about men.

there's a podcast about it....I clearly wasn't the only one who felt like I'd been slapped in the face!

@AutumnRose1

If there was any betrayal for me, it was not ending the show at the end of season 5 when Josh Charles wanted to leave and killing Will in the first place.

If they had agreed to wind it up then, with a different ending, it would have been so much better.

Those two were meant to be the endgame - and I think that was what the writers intended from the start - but his departure changed it.

Although as one commentator put - the reason Will and Alicia is so captivating is because it didn't happen. And maybe I could stop thinking about what ifs in my own little fantasy.

Once I finish it again, I'll move on to the next on screen crush.,

Stupidly, I'm not actually that much of a romantic in real life - its just TV shows I get caught up in it.

@Miaowing

That's interesting, I never thought of them being the endgame. I'd have liked Alicia to somehow beat political corruption but that's too much to ask, I know!

I do remember the writers talking initially about the importance of strong female characters, so that was a double whammy to just put them in the shadow of their personal lives.

This is probably amoral but I liked that Marcus punched Sherlock. It must be so hard to love Sherlock - as in, be his friend.

My DS (adult) and I watch some Japanese anime together and we have running jokes about who I will fancy in each one So to clarify, these are animated characters and not even real people! I think it's because the characters I like have traits I would like in a partner (but have never found!). I think it's absolutely fine and normal.

OP - have you watched The Mentalist? I too love Elementary and can relate to so much of what you say about the way the friendship between the two of them is depicted. His love for her, and his acknowledgement of what she has done for him, is beautiful.

And The Mentalist has a similar relationship between the leading male and female protagonists, but the character in that that I actually feel the most strongly for is a man called Kimball Cho. It's a beautifully created and beautifully acted character, and every time I watch the series (I may or may not be on my fourth or fifth viewing of it), I admire him anew. Just perfection.

Has anyone watched The Blacklist?

Kirsty no, I'll be needing a replacement! Is it good?

Will add The Mentalist, my sis has been telling me to watch that for years.

Eliott Stabler is my fictional crush. I've seen the actor in other stuff, but it's definitely the character I fall for.

Oh God, Law and Order SVU - how could I have forgotten Rafael Barba? I adore him and was crushed when he left 😢

I've lost count of the amount of fictional characters I've fallen for

AutumnRose1 - You can't possibly not fall in love with the main character of The Blacklist..

Yes. I'm having an affair with Harvey Specter. My husband and Donna Paulsen have no idea.

It’s a massive relief to read that other people do this

*@Dustybun same not the actor! The vampire 💕

Magnus Bane in the shadowhunter series on Netflix. Totally see myself as a bit of an Alec lightwood sort-of character too. Even though he's a dude xD

Ooh fanfiction! I used to write a ton of harry potter ff when I was a teen and did quite well with it. Hadn't thought of it again until lately, am taking up writing for real and thought it might inspire me again (was thinking for the video games 'fire emblem' and red dead redemption' this time) Awesome to hear someone else saying they got published, how inspiring! Congrats!

But yeah op, think we all have crushes on characters from time to time. Especially after people in real life just...really haven't been even remotely worth our admiration. Crack on I say!

Oh yeah I get completely obsessed especially when binge watching something! It's all part of the fun. I never google the actors because they're inevitably disappointing!

Going back to OP original question

I think one reason we get so heavily invested in fiction is that we can experience certain feelings without being too let down

Though sometimes you just really find yourself caught up in amazing stories and acting

I don't have a strong stomach but I plan to watch Kill Bill because Lucy Liu!

I looked up the Blacklist

It looks a bit too "international spy" for me.

I am a middle-aged bloke who is passionately in love with (and has been for over 30 years) a twenty-something called Annabel. An intelligent, strong-minded, independent Irish woman from Dublin (with a drip of a boyfriend). The weird thing is I cannot for the life of me remember the title of the book she was a character in!