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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Quick question re. man I met online

32 replies

Kazziepooes · 08/10/2019 22:23

Hi all,
I’ve been on a few dates with a guy who seemed lovely & then I noticed a few things that I thought are red flags and I just need some advice from you lovely people.

Firstly, & I know I should not have done this but I arranged the first three dates and on the fourth asked him to book a restaurant - I meant book it, that’s all as I had tickets for a concert that I was given by a friend and he bounced this back to me with the following “I thought being a regular London diner that you would have more knowledgeable places at hand”, followed by sending through a venue MILES away from the concert. Followed by a “we don’t have to have dinner before the concert”; so I uninvited him (nicely) and this was followed by a huge “we need to meet as I owe it to you to explain my behaviour”; I couldn’t meet him that week due to a combination of family stuff, feeling ill and dealing with a death of one of the team at work. This week I’m on holiday and I had a look on the app on which we’d met and discovered he’d removed me, when I asked why I was told “ I’ve cleared everything from the app. I don’t want a reason to go on the app, the only reason to go onto the app is to read your profile but if I can met you in be flesh then why would I want to stay on the app to read a cyber profile. But in hindsight maybe I shouldn’t have done so since we don’t see each other these days.” Had he behaved the other Saturday when we were meant to go to the concert we would have met up, but we didn’t.

Tell me, after meeting three times is this worth it?

OP posts:
SavetheMinden6 · 08/10/2019 22:25

No, no 1,000 times no. It's over and you have had a lucky escape from what sounds like a first class prick.

Dljlr · 08/10/2019 22:27

This is just too much fuck aboutery for this early in. I can't even follow wtf has happened.

LuluBellaBlue · 08/10/2019 22:28

Wow lucky escape!! Honestly his weird behaviour already is showing you exactly who he is!

Kazziepooes · 08/10/2019 22:29

@Save...: thank you - I am sorry for asking such a stupid question but I just really feel I do NOT deserve to be subjected to quite so much anger.

The thing is, I did enjoy spending time with him; but I thought that most people would actually understand that if they muck something up that the person on the receiving end might actually not want to hear all their excuses.

Thank you so much for your kind advice.

OP posts:
Whatisthisfuckery · 08/10/2019 22:29

Nope, he sounds creepy and unpredictable, and the first few dates shouldn’t be this hard. I’d just block and move on if I were you.

Interestedwoman · 08/10/2019 22:30

Noooo. Demanding and annoying. Draw a line under him. xx

Kazziepooes · 08/10/2019 22:31

@Dljlr: sorry, my explanation may have been poor! But, yes, you are right - thank you.
@LuluBellaBlue: thank you for affirming that this was not really what anyone should say to a fellow human. To be honest, I did think, he’s just showing me who he is and I should take note; but then wondered if I’d been too harsh.

OP posts:
AdaColeman · 08/10/2019 22:34

You've dodged a bullet there Kazzie, he sounds like a game playing pretentious berk.

Drogosnextwife · 08/10/2019 22:36

I have no idea what your op means and what happened

Kazziepooes · 08/10/2019 22:36

@Whatisthisfuckery: indeed; I thought it was a bit creepy and so much left of field that I just wanted to sense check I was not overreacting
@Interestedwoman: yes, totally. Clearly wants a mother, and someone who will put up with his entitled behaviour; I thought the “being a regular London diner” when he knows absolutely hardly anything about me was just like WTAF, who speaks to others like this?

OP posts:
Fraggling · 08/10/2019 22:39

I have zero idea of why anyone wouldn't want to book a restaurant if they are over like 20 and not cripplingly shy.

Not creepy or red flag just wtf.

No of course don't see him again he sounds odd in a not good way.

Pinkdoor · 08/10/2019 22:40

I don't understand what happened. He chose a bad restaurant, then suggested you didn't have to get dinner first so you uninvited him?

What behaviour did he think he had to apologise for? Picking a bad restaurant?

Afterthestorm · 08/10/2019 22:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DENMAN03 · 08/10/2019 22:48

I'm confused? He picked a restaurant you didn't like but assume he didn't know the area? So you uninvited him! Why wouldn't you just say can we go to one nearer?

MiniMum97 · 08/10/2019 22:48

What happened? Your post is confusing. Sounds like you overreacted to him not being able to choose a restaurant. Not sure why he wants to apologise though?

Dazedandconfusedmostdays · 08/10/2019 22:52

Oh, no! OP.. kick him to the curb.

Kazziepooes · 08/10/2019 22:55

Apologies for not being clear.
The issue is I asked him for help - which was to make a booking; instead of helping me he replied that he was sure I had more knowledgeable places at hand, which wasn’t the point - I explained to him, I’ve organised everything to date, now kindly book a restaurant & he couldn’t even do this. And, by coming back with one suggestion miles away showed he didn’t even care enough to look it up on google.

OP posts:
ilovetofu · 08/10/2019 22:57

Are you ok OP? Hmm

Kazziepooes · 08/10/2019 22:57

My point is - if you ask someone for help and they knock it back at you in a surley way, which I believe this was, then they aren’t meeting you half way.

OP posts:
Rachelover60 · 08/10/2019 22:57

He must have known the restaurant was a long way from the theatre. You only have to look online and put the post codes in. It was a strange thing to do!

Did he not want to pay for a meal?

Whatever, forget him. Plenty more fish and all that.

Kazziepooes · 08/10/2019 22:58

@Rachelover60: thank you; you are right, I won’t meet him for an explanation, and yes, plenty more fish...

OP posts:
DENMAN03 · 08/10/2019 23:02

I think you are over reacting still. But if you don't want to meet him again then you don't have to.

Divebar · 08/10/2019 23:03

I don’t know about this.... it sounds a bit hard work from both sides here. Is he London based? Would he have knowledge of the area? I think I would have just made a suggestion if I knew the area... I’m not sure I would have cancelled the date... that seems a bit harsh. It all sounds weirdly fraught for an early date so maybe you two are best leaving it alone at this point.

Divebar · 08/10/2019 23:05

“Now kindly book a restaurant” - if you used those words then I would have probably rebelled too!

Kazziepooes · 08/10/2019 23:07

@Divebar: yes, he’s a born & bread Londoner. And, tbh, if I knew that area near the theatre I’d have suggested something - I just didn’t want to have to make all of the effort.
But yes, you are right this is waaaaay too fraught for such early days...

OP posts:
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