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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

He’s going back to his ex

45 replies

Bluebird99 · 08/10/2019 13:17

Hi, I’m in need of a little advice on how to pick myself up.
I’ve been with a guy on a friends with benefits level for the past 6 months. We talk about anything and everything all day every day and have amazing sex.

Today, totally out of the blue he has made the decision to end things with us and to go back to his ex.

I didn’t realise how much I actually liked him and now he’s gone. Any tips on how to deal with this? I feel like I’ve been massively rejected Sad

OP posts:
RLEOM · 08/10/2019 14:56

Sorry you feel this way. Try and keep yourself distracted with friends etc.

Maybe don't get involved in a friends with benefits situation if you can't handle the fall out. I always used to fall for my FWB, which is why I don't embark on it anymore.

Original poster
Bluebird99 · 08/10/2019 15:36

It kind of started as dating but he got cold feet due to still being married (although separated for over 2 years) I was never really looking for FWB but it just ended up that way because we couldn’t keep away from eachother

OP posts:
NameChangeNugget · 08/10/2019 15:40

You just need to go no contact with him.

Put this down to experience and don’t get emotionally involved with an FWB in the future.

Good luck

UnicornsExist · 08/10/2019 15:40

I guess you have just found out why you were a FWB and not a girlfriend. Although he obviously likes you a lot, he's clearly still in love with the ex hence they are getting back together. Horrible situation for you especially when you like him so much Flowers

Original poster
Bluebird99 · 08/10/2019 15:48

Thanks... he’s blocked me anyway which feels awful but I guess in the long run it will help

OP posts:
Original poster
Bluebird99 · 08/10/2019 15:48

Yeah I think you’re right. It’s just so out of the blue, they split because she cheated on him and he always said he would never forgive.

OP posts:
Makesmilingyourbesthobby · 08/10/2019 15:49

I also think the same as unicorns exist does, keep yourself busy with hobbies and friends or take up a new interest to distract you go no contact and move on and if you can't keep fwb's for what it is then probably best not to involve yourself in one in future 💐

Original poster
Bluebird99 · 08/10/2019 15:50

Oh don’t worry I won’t be bothering with fwb again, that’s not what I wanted from him anyway.

OP posts:
GloriaMaximus · 08/10/2019 15:50

Even though he's blocked you, block him back. It will make you feel you have more control over the situation.
Be kind to yourself and stay busy. I'm sorry he's treated you this way.

Original poster
Bluebird99 · 08/10/2019 15:52

Thank you... I think I will eventually I just don’t feel quite ready yet. I’m in shock, we were so happy 24 hours ago

OP posts:
lifegoes · 08/10/2019 16:28

It's really hard and anybody who says "just don't get emotionally involved with a FWB" doesn't understand how hard it can be.

Because it's everything but the title of a relationship. A FB is very different to a FWB and you have naturally got invested with a guy who seems to have invested in you. But prob whilst he was still hurting over his ex.

I've just split with a FWB on my terms because I actually didn't like the lies he kept telling. It still hurts and naturally I miss him. But I'm just reminding myself that I'm worth more than that.

Make a list of all the things he did that you didn't like. Also a note on how easy it was to drop you. Be thankful he gave you a reason.

Keep busy as others have said block him on everything so you can't check up on him. Or delete him. It's easier said than done. But time is your greatest healer

Original poster
Bluebird99 · 08/10/2019 16:48

Yeah you’re right in the sense that we were both very invested in eachother, it felt like we were best friends with massive attraction.
I’ve been his confidante over his separation too, which makes it all harder to take because he’s always been positive he would not go back.

OP posts:
nottodaysatanlucifer · 08/10/2019 17:48

Blocking you was harsh... what was the need for that?

Drabarni · 08/10/2019 17:53

I would imagine he is going to downplay your involvement with him.
Go out with friends and have a good time, keep busy and I bet there's someone nice on th horizon pretty soon.
Good luck.

Original poster
Bluebird99 · 08/10/2019 18:13

I don’t know, we’ve not had a cross word, maybe so he can’t message me? I’m not the type who would bombard him so it does feel very cruel

OP posts:
Original poster
Bluebird99 · 08/10/2019 18:13

She doesn’t know I even exist...

OP posts:
lifegoes · 08/10/2019 18:21

I do agree blocking was harsh. But I think that's so you can't reach out to him. He'll not want anything to jeopardise him getting back with her. If he's happy to take her back after cheating he'll do anything else.

Treesthemovie · 08/10/2019 18:45

He is using you to get over her op, you deserve better

Closetbeanmuncher · 08/10/2019 18:52

He blocked you!!?

I think he needs to get over himself tbf

Original poster
Bluebird99 · 08/10/2019 18:52

You’re probably right. Wish I was strong enough to block him back!

OP posts:
Original poster
Bluebird99 · 08/10/2019 18:53

Yeah. Messaged to explain his choice and blocked me :(

OP posts:
Blueoasis · 08/10/2019 18:58

I'm sorry he hurt you. But if it helps look at it this way. He's made the mistake. He's gone back to a woman who cheated on him and will no doubt do it again. She is no prize.

I'd give it 6 months before he's trying to come crawling back to you, maybe not even that. Block him now and he won't get the chance. He doesn't deserve the chance when he would rather have a cheater.

Original poster
Bluebird99 · 08/10/2019 19:03

I need your strength!! X

OP posts:
Winterlogs · 08/10/2019 19:04

I agree with Blueoasis
He sounds really immature especially to block you: which is very telling. It won't work with his ex because inevitably the issues that broke them up will rear their ugly head again.
Try and put it in perspective and look at the cold hard facts. Hopefully that will help you.
You'll be fine but you're allowed to be upset and hurt.

If you can don't block him. It'll only help him move on and it shows you to be petty.... Even though he's a petty prick.

Blueoasis · 08/10/2019 19:06

Get angry at him. Even if thats just ranting and raging about him at home and calling him every name under the sun, just get angry at him. None of it needs to be said to him, but you wont feel better by just vein sad he is gone. You are worth far more than him. And at least you found out now before you got more invested in him.