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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

He’s going back to his ex

45 replies

Bluebird99 · 08/10/2019 13:17

Hi, I’m in need of a little advice on how to pick myself up.
I’ve been with a guy on a friends with benefits level for the past 6 months. We talk about anything and everything all day every day and have amazing sex.

Today, totally out of the blue he has made the decision to end things with us and to go back to his ex.

I didn’t realise how much I actually liked him and now he’s gone. Any tips on how to deal with this? I feel like I’ve been massively rejected Sad

OP posts:
Blueoasis · 08/10/2019 19:06

Being not vein.

Original poster
Bluebird99 · 08/10/2019 19:08

That’s true... I will try.
He’s lucky I’m not nasty or I could send his ex 6 months worth of messages, photos and videos haha

OP posts:
Elieza · 08/10/2019 19:19

He prob blocked you so he didn’t have to have the “We were on a break” convo with his gf if you messaged him and she saw it.

She prob thinks he sat at home crying and pining for her during the split. And he’s prob happy for her to think that.

A relationship based on lies, what a great start for them, not.

Or perhaps he was indeed honest with her but just doesn’t want to get any drama from you especially if she could see it.

Winterlogs · 08/10/2019 19:20

Even if you do accidentally on purpose contact him Wink and tell him what a prick he is so what. If it makes you feel better job done

Original poster
Bluebird99 · 08/10/2019 19:21

There’s no way she knows about me, he’s kept me a total secret from her and anyone she knows the whole time... all apparently because it would make their pending divorce messy.

OP posts:
Original poster
Bluebird99 · 08/10/2019 19:21

Haha I’m hoping I get to this stage!

OP posts:
FelixFelicis6 · 08/10/2019 19:25

You’re sure they were actually totally separated during those two years.......? Did you see any messages etc?

lifegoes · 08/10/2019 19:28

Def agree with the below and getting into a hate stage. It will come and believe me these type of men always come back out the woodwork

Original poster
Bluebird99 · 08/10/2019 19:30

I’ve seen a few things that prove they were separated. She always wanted him back though

OP posts:
Original poster
Bluebird99 · 08/10/2019 19:30

I kind of expect he will.. I just hope I’m not so stupid to take him back

OP posts:
BatshitBertha · 08/10/2019 19:44

He's blocked you because he knows he needs to resist the temptation - you are his Achilles heel. Don't see the blocking as a slap in the face but rather a badge of honour.

He will unblock you and he will be back. This is 100% certain.

Please be very careful that you don't end up as his mistress, while he continues to 'work on his marriage'. You need to respect yourself enough to block him back, now! forget about him and move on. You don't need this dysfunction in your life.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 08/10/2019 20:40

It really irritates me that people try to bolster your ego OP, to your detriment. Look at what you've posted. You were - in your words - very strong. He has told you that it's over so whatever it was to you, it wasn't that to him. He has always hankered after his ex.

However hard and harsh it feels, he's done the decent thing. He could have strung you along. He hasn't done that.

There's no reason to suppose that he and her will break up - however much some posters say so, that's just drama-loving. He has made this so final that there is no way back from it and the very best thing you could do, as PP suggested, is block him too.

It will stop you doing some sort of mental 'rain dance' on their relationship and wishing and hoping that things were different. There is no way back from this, none whatever because you don't sound like a doormat to me, just somebody who is hurt at the moment.

Better that you see or hear nothing further about their relationship. He now has what he wants. Now it's your turn to put yourself first and find somebody who makes you happy and who wants only you.

Don't let people talk you into provoking a conversation, it's not their lives, it's yours.

Loopytiles · 08/10/2019 20:49

“I was never really looking for FWB but it just ended up that way because we couldn’t keep away from each other”.

You’re romanticising: it ended up that way because he wanted and you agreed to FWB, when you didn’t want that.

It’s good to be no contact.

user1481840227 · 08/10/2019 21:00

It clearly won't last if he can't be honest with her about you

Also there's no way she just randomly contacted him today and said "hey, do you want to get back together?"....do there was obviously an overlap if you two were apparently happy 24 hours ago.

Block, block, block. If not then he will be back and these guys have an awful habit of getting back in touch just when you've stopped thinking about them!!

Davespecifico · 08/10/2019 21:08

Excellent lists from Batshit and lyinwitch.
Don’t get back in contact with him. Don’t waste your time.

NotStayingIn · 08/10/2019 21:08

I’m so sorry OP, that’s horrible. I also can’t believe he blocked you. That must really hurt too. And now he is re-starting his relationship with a lie. Hiding that he has been seeing someone. That’s so deceitful. Why can’t he be honest. It’s like he wants to keep the upper hand that she cheated but he has never even looked at another woman. This all makes him look shady. Hope you get over him soon.

Sheld0r · 08/10/2019 21:10

I was going to add the exact comments made by user1481840227. This isn't out of the blue. He will have been stringing you along. This guy will be back and will want to cry in your lap about his horrible ex wife again. Don't let him back into your life! Block him right back. You are worth more than this.

Livelovelearn1 · 08/10/2019 21:32

I would be tempted to contact the ex with some anonymous information about what he has been up to. And i wouldnt care cause that guy is never gonna be part of my life again because im too good for weak, sad men like that. As far as he is concerned.... count him as dead (harsh i know) but you are not a pawn to played to someones desires. Id pretend i never knew him, block him and move on with my life (even if i have to cry over it for nights in a row)

Original poster
Bluebird99 · 08/10/2019 22:23

As much as I would love to (I have so much that would make her never take him back) I can’t help but care about him and don’t want to be that person

OP posts:
Original poster
Bluebird99 · 09/10/2019 10:49

I’ve not blocked him, and I agree it’s so petty! He’s 13 years older than me too so you’d think he would be more mature

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