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Original poster

He's had a crush on me for 5 years. Should I give him a chance?

33 replies

OhNo00 · 06/10/2019 20:31

There's a guy I have known for a few years who has had a thing for me for a long time (around 5 years). I know because I heard whispers from his friends and he finally admitted it to me a couple years ago. He's never overstepped the mark because I had a boyfriend and was never inappropriate.

I was in a relationship for all of that time but it finished recently. I've never felt anything more than friendship towards this guy. He's had a couple of girlfriends during the period I was in a relationship but his friend told me he's always had a soft spot for me.

I'm very flattered but I'm not sure what to do at this point. I'm single for the first time since I've known him and I saw his eyes lit up when he found out even though he was sympathetic. I kinda thought it was the sweetest thing.

He's not my type of guy but I am tempted to give him a chance. I'm very worried about leading him on and breaking his heart though as there's definitely an imbalance of feelings there. He's a nice guy and the last thing I want to do is hurt him.

Should I give him a chance and see where it takes us?

OP posts:
TooMinty · 06/10/2019 20:57

But it doesn't sound like you fancy him at all? You don't need to date him just because he fancies you and all your friends think it would be cute...If there's no sexual chemistry you might as well stay friends.

lljkk · 06/10/2019 21:00

I think it's kinder to firmly tell him he has no chance. Flattered, you like being friends but you're not into him 'like that'.

Notthetoothfairy · 06/10/2019 21:01

I don’t think so if you have never had feelings for him. Maybe give it a while and see if you start to think of him that way before suggesting meeting up.

Original poster
OhNo00 · 06/10/2019 21:04

@TooMinty

It's a bit of a weird one. He's made my heart melt a little bit with how sweet he has been after my break up. I'm not sure if I'm liking him or just liking the attention after feeling sorry for myself after a break up.

If he didn't have a long history of having feelings for me I'd definitely go on a date with him. There's just a clear imbalance there and I'd be going into it with more of a "ok maybe we'll see how it goes" attitude whereas I feel like his feelings would be much stronger.

I'm expecting he may ask me out at some point cus he's sort of been hinting at it a little bit. I'm wondering whether to explain what I've said on here to him and be honest and see if he still wanted to go on a date after that.

OP posts:
rvby · 06/10/2019 21:05

Do you want to shag him?

If yes, then its worth giving it a bash but you have to be straight with him that you're not sure where its going to go yet.

If you dont want to shag him, it's a non issue, leave him alone.

donethinkin · 06/10/2019 21:05

Go on a date, have a snog and see if the sparks fly. You never know. He might be the best kisser! I’d at least try a date

Kittykat93 · 06/10/2019 21:08

Nope. It doesn't sound like you fancy him at all which isn't a good start. I think your emotions are probably a bit high after your break up. Keep this guy as a friend.

Original poster
OhNo00 · 06/10/2019 21:08

Go on a date, have a snog and see if the sparks fly. You never know. He might be the best kisser! I’d at least try a date

This is how id approach it if the feelings werent imbalanced, but I'm worried that if I wasn't feeling it after the first date then I'd basically screw him over.

I'm thinking I may just leave it.

OP posts:
TooMinty · 06/10/2019 21:13

Yeah, sorry to be crude, but your heart melting a wee bit isn't the same as wanting to get in his pants 😉

I think if you can take it or leave it then probably leaving it would be kindest. It would be different if he was a stranger and you could go on pressure free dates to test the water but it will definitely get his hopes up if you agree to a date now.

Pinkbonbon · 06/10/2019 21:15

Nope. Never, ever go on dates with men you don't fancy. It isn't kind, it's cruel. Besides,if you already feel you owe him something like that, you'll feel horribly guilty when it doesn't work out.

And if he fancies you, he isn't really your friend anyway. He's someone who fancies you. Step away.

WickedLemon · 06/10/2019 21:17

You want to use him as your rebound guy and it sounds like you think you’d be doing him a real favour by “giving him a chance”.

That’s not kind and it’s not right, and you know it.

MollyButton · 06/10/2019 21:20

He sounds a bit stalkerish to me - sorry.
5 years through other relationships - yuck a turn off...

TatianaLarina · 06/10/2019 21:22

Well he wouldn’t want you to leave it. I’m sure he’d rather risk getting hurt than not getting a chance at all.

You can’t tell until you’ve been on a date and had a kiss precisely what the chemistry will be.

Just be honest and upfront with him. I don’t think one date will break his heart.

TatianaLarina · 06/10/2019 21:23

I'm worried that if I wasn't feeling it after the first date then I'd basically screw him over.

Nah, if you’re not feeling after the first date you don’t go on another one. That’s fine.

TheMistressQuickly · 06/10/2019 21:25

If it’s going to be a rebound only then no...but I think you should give him a chance 😀

redexpat · 06/10/2019 21:27

I sometimes find that the strongest relationships are the ones where there isnt an instant connection, but a slow burn. So I would give him a chance. If you break his heart what fall out would there be?

Loopytiles · 06/10/2019 21:27

How long was your relationship and how long have you been single?

If you’ve been single 5 mins dating anyone isn’t a great plan.

Wouldn’t worry too much about his feelings for you / “imbalance”, if you have a date, snog or shag then don’t want more that’s fine and he’d get over it!

Original poster
OhNo00 · 06/10/2019 21:31

@redexpat well I don't really want to hurt a friend and a genuinely nice guy. I would really feel bad about it.

@Loopytiles I was in a relationship for nearly 5 years. I met this guy shortly after getting with my ex. I've been single for around 5 months but he didn't find out (nor did anyone else really) until I was 3 months out of a relationship as I didn't really want to talk about it.

OP posts:
Bellringer · 06/10/2019 21:39

Too soon

Kiki275 · 06/10/2019 21:43

He might not stick around anyway, even if you let him down gently. If he's admired you for this long, as soon as someone else comes on the scene it might upset him and he'll retreat, then you'll have lost him as a friend anyway. Maybe be honest but try a date to see what happens. You might both decide you're incompatible or it could kick start something lovely x

Interestedwoman · 06/10/2019 21:44

I have a lover, I wasn't particularly physically attracted to him at first, but now I think he's bloody gorgeous! So I would give it a go for a while- your feelings might change.

mcmen05 · 06/10/2019 21:45

My dd probably alot younger than you her bf finished with her and she was in a friendship group where she knew a boy liked her. She told me heS really nice but I don't fancy him. I told her to give him a chance and she did and now he is the best thing ever.
So give him a chance is my advice.

sessell · 06/10/2019 21:48

Why not. If he has a crush then it will help him resolve it one way or the other if he can get to know you better. He sounds like a decent guy. The strongest relationships are often with slow burns rather than shallow players. Think Dawn and Tim in the Office.

TheVanguardSix · 06/10/2019 21:48

I think you’re wise to leave it, OP.
I get where you’re coming from, wondering if you should give it a chance. But I wouldn’t.
Let the dust settle after the end of your relationship. Have a bit of you time.
I think if you were really into him, I’d say go for it. But I wouldn’t force feelings that aren’t there.

HotChocolateLover · 06/10/2019 21:50

Try it @OhNo00 What have you got to lose?!! As my mum always said, it’s better to be the chased one rather than the chaser. Sounds creepy written down but the sentiment stands 😂