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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

If you are remaining in a celibate relationship (and it's not your choice)...

41 replies

alltoomuchrightnow · 05/10/2019 23:56

How do you cope? Have you come fully to terms with it? And why did you decide to stay?
For various reasons my DP can't have sex. We've gone from an infrequent sex life to now celibate. Been together 5.5 years. This post isn't about him as I can't change him/ his health problems. It's about me dealing with it. We had a Talk yesterday and it does seem this is it, sex wise. End of the line. Not a total surprise given the way things have been. But am reeling a bit as didn't realise how bad his various issues had got.
I didn't want to put this on AIBU as I'd probably get cries of 'leave the bastard' and he's not that (and wouldn't be helpful for me to hear right now when I'm fragile).
For now I see enough reason to stay. I WANT to stay. It's not ideal. I don't know what the future will bring and I will have to take one day at a time. We do love each other and are great companions (we are actually old friends from way way back) . I know sex for many is a deal breaker and in the past would have been for me. It may still be, only time can tell. But for now I want to be with him. So it's not a choice of being martyr and staying and being resentful.. I'm sad but not resentful.
How do others cope if it's not your choice to have a sexless relationship but you choose to stay? Is it something you had to grieve?
(Please don't talk about 'having sex' in different ways rather than PIV, as it's not going to happen.. and as I said.. it's not about his issues but about how I'm going to have to try and accept it (sorry if that sounds harsh! but I've had 'wellmeaning' advice before and we did try having the non penetetrive sex and this is not option now. all sex off the agenda..)
How do you go forward in a sexless relationship without feeling like brother and sister?
Does anyone make it work?
Again, I'm feeling fragile. Cries of 'well I would leave' or 'WHY won't he sort it out' won't help. I'd love to hear from those in my position who HAVE chosen to stay. Without sex.
Sorry if this sounds defensive but I've had some really negative comments from a couple of friends (not because I was volunteering information but because it just came up in chat and I'm not going to lie about it..)

OP posts:
PleaseHelpM3 · 06/10/2019 00:07

Ok. But you may not like it....

I tried to come to terms with it and couldn't. So I said I wanted divorce. He begged me to stay. Like a mug, after years of the brutal impact a platonic relationship with the one person who chose you and is supposed to want you, I felt wanted so stayed.

Nothing changed. So I'm now knee deep in an affair. Which I wouldn't recommend as all hell is certain to break loose at some point.

The arrogance of these mean basically saying there will be no sex but please do continue to be my cook, cleaner and child rearer. Fuck. That. Shit.

Xxx

PleaseHelpM3 · 06/10/2019 00:09

Men not mean

Shortfeet · 06/10/2019 00:10

It can be done.
Can you get a lover ?

PhillliPhillli · 06/10/2019 00:18

I know two couples where sex is off the agenda. Both of them are now having discreet affairs.

LiterallyCantBelieveIt · 06/10/2019 00:19

Open relationship? Would that be an option? I think staying as you are will be devastating for your self esteem - I know, I've been there.

Sorry, I realise this isn't what you want to hear.

[Flowers]

PhillliPhillli · 06/10/2019 00:20

Ever suggesting an affair on MN is likely to bring the vipers out, I was very very black and white about them for a long time. My own marriage broke down after my ex had an affair

But there really are shades of grey inbetween.

LiterallyCantBelieveIt · 06/10/2019 00:22

And, without wanting to pry, whether it can be worked on or not depends on the type of issue. If it's a medical impossibility, fair enough. If it's psychological or you're not attracted to each other any more than at the very least, I'd expect som effort from him re: counselling etc.

Chouxalacreme · 06/10/2019 00:26

Same boat
Well husband is not interested . 5 times in 3 years .
Am I too fat ? Ugly ?
Who knows

So diy, imagination and jist crack on . What we have is more important to me than see . That will do . Nothing is perfect .

alltoomuchrightnow · 06/10/2019 01:12

I'm not offended by suggestions of affairs, don't worry.
It has crossed mind. Not for now but the long term picture. If I did it would be very discreet . I don't know if he'd turn a blind eye to it given the circumstances. I suspect he would but don't want to count on that. He's not the jealous kind. For now not an option but I do give it thought. But I'm late 40s (he's older) . Emotionally I'm not ready for an affair.But I did earlier this year actively avoid a scenario where I could have spent lots of time alone with an ex (whom I had the best sex ever with)....I knew I'd be tempted so stayed away. As I do love DP.
I just miss physical love.

Pleasehelp, if that was the case there's no way I'd be staying. No way. We are childless. (I'm infertile, he possibly is but never wanted kids, with anyone). He's the cook. I clean. It works well that way, I hate cooking and enjoy cleaning. And he does a lot for me. Like goes the extra mile.He really is great on that score and caring, he just doesn't show it physically. It's almost like a kindly father or uncle but obviously I'd rather have a lover for my partner!
The sex problem is down to physical health issues (various) some of which he has dealt with (and things actually got worse) and some of which are new and he's not dealing with. I can't make him deal with them. I've said all I have to say to him including a few home truths re his health and his family (his family have had a lot of bereavements in the last few years..) I can't march him to doctors. I've told him to write it all down and show doctor as I know he can't say it. Doubt he will though. That's by the by. The biggest problem is no libido . Zero. He could /can perform sexually , not like a younger man could but it was ok. Could only do one position due to not being able to sustain erection but we got by. Or rather was ok until a new health issue has come to light.
My self esteem is very low but I have to keep telling myself it's not me.
He says he lost his libido about the time he turned 40. I'm pretty sure this is what ended a ten yr relationship with his ex. They carried on for some years but he admits it was an issue. He was then single and celibate for 5 yrs. He says he had no interest and wasn't bothered ever having sex again. He did have some drive then as would masturbate occasionally.
I came on the scene and broke his five year celibacy. But he had slight performance problems (then undiagnosed diabetes) but he was still willing to mess around (other sexual ways). But very low libido. We'd try make the effort once a week or so. This turned into about once a month to now, zero and it's off the cards.
He turned around his health to an extent (not sexually) when diabetes diagnosed but the sexual problems got way worse. He blames it on metaformin re performance. We thought everything would improve inc on that score and everything did except sexual function. But again the biggest problem being libido..what was low became non existent. We would mess around with toys but he would feel frustrated as couldn't go further. He said he'd rather stop than be that frustrated (and yes, obviously frustrating for me too...).
Now a new issue is causing a lot of discomfort. But the libido gone forever. The very occasional wank (to put it bluntly) when we were apart has stopped. Everything. He says no urge, doesn't fancy me or anyone. Loves me does not fancy me. I find it very sad. It's an indication of his general health. It worries me it doesn't bother him. why does he not care he runs the risk of potentially losing me? Like his ex? Or does he just assume I love him enough to stay. He's too defensive to talk about it. But he says he's felt like this for the last 16 yrs or so. He says 'it's not me it never was me'. I guess he was just doing the minimum 'token gesture' of intimacy for me and his ex. If his mind isn't into it (and it does start with the mind! My view is that that is the biggest sexual organ!) then I don't want to do anything sexual with him. I wouldn't be turned on knowing that he wasn't (and if he does get turned on, it's painful for him and frustrating) and that was just going through the motions. But it's come to this point where he's now said he doesn't want any of it.
I feel so sad he's resigned to this.
His friends have told me during his five years of singleness/celibacy they were worried about him...like the light had gone out and he was totally accepting of his lot. They were happy and surprised when I came along as had never imagined him in another relationship.

I know even if we walk past ,say, a stunning scantily clad woman on the street, there isn't a flicker. He doesn't notice at all. I actually wish he would as it would mean he was healthier.
It's like he's dead from the waist down..but it definitely starts with his mind.
I feel in my 40s I'm too young to be celibate. But as I said, will take one day at a time.
I have a few friends in exact same position. I know it's not 'just' me and I know the problem isn't me, although I do have to keep telling myself that. (and my friends in the same boat are very attractive..in fact one is like a model... so I know it's nothing about looks if you view it in a shallow way) When I feel down and that I'm not attractive enough I remind myself I'm not the one wanted to give up on sex. and he is lucky to have a younger woman on his arm, who does make an effort . It feels such a waste. No kids around, not menopausal, and I have a normal drive. As we both work a lot of late hours there is always chance for lots of long lie ins so it's such a shame. I've already had five years with v little sex and sex that wasn't great. So it's a big compromise. But I've also had 5 good years with him, sex aside. Would I like to be celibate in another five? Probably not.
Does the menopause tend to kill drive dead? But I could be years from that. And it's not something I want to rely on. That's quite a pessimistic way to view it.. I don't want my libido to go so I can join him! I used to be a really sexual being. It's died down as I've got older but I'm hardly past it at 48 and with no kids around should be swinging from the chandeliers! ;)
I reminded him we have friends in their 60s who have fantastic sex lives so it isn't an age issue. That didn't go down well, and probably wasnt fair of me as everything is different and they don't have his exact problems.

OP posts:
alltoomuchrightnow · 06/10/2019 01:13

Wow that was really long. Sorry, But writing it was therapeutic!

OP posts:
PleaseHelpM3 · 06/10/2019 02:21

He is being unfair. To unilaterally make this decision for someone else whilst having no intention of forfeiting whatever benefits this person brings, urgh.

OP I never want to look back when I'm in my 50s, 60s, 70s and regret not taking charge of my own happiness. And whattyaknow, the minute I made my peace with this I came across a guy that would fucking strip me with his teeth in Starbucks given half a chance.

You won't be able to live like this, look at the anguish you're in and you've only just had thr conversation. Incidentally, nice of him to finally announce this after years of rejecting you or just leaving you frustrated. You owe him nothing.

alltoomuchrightnow · 06/10/2019 02:35

Pleasehelp.. I agree. But you are still with him? because of kids?
does he know about your affair?
It's early days for me. I can't see me sticking this longterm. Right now I don't have the choice to leave, financially. If money wasn't the issue I'd feel better to have the choice . I feel very trapped. And right now I don't want to be without him. I'd miss him and our life. But I can't stay in this exact stagnant state forever. Something has to give. It makes me so sad as we have a home and our little family in terms of me him and our pets and have been a good team.
I think though it will reach a point where his health gets so bad he will be forced to see doctor. He has Peyronies, for about 8 months I think.. he has gone to various checkups and well man clinics and diabetes clinics yet never mentioned the Peyronies. So so stupid. I can't envision that things sexually would change. He might get help for physical issues (and I know only would if things got really serious) but I think the sex drive is beyond help. After all you don't need a functioning penis to have good sex, ask any lesbian. You just need your imagination and look for inspo elsewhere. But nope.. all of it is written off. I suspect he has almost non existent testostorone. His friend has injections for it from a Harley Street doctor. He is in his 70s. has a younger girlfriend and the energy of a 20 yr old. DP got some on the internet when we got together, it didn't work (surprise surprise as not prescribed - he did same with viagra) and gave up.
He now dismisses the friend saying well it makes him hyper and annoying...so I won't be trying that.

OP posts:
noego · 06/10/2019 03:05

Have a look at the AVEN site OP. There are threads on there about asexual/sexual relationships and how they live together. Perhaps a poly relationship might work or maybe just open relationship or may be other discreet avenues to follow.

Skittlesandbeer · 06/10/2019 03:51

I’d say ‘wow, are we with the same guy?’ but ruining two fabulous juicy sexy women’s lives sounds too unlikely. It’s usually the players who can’t make do at home, right?

I’m in the same situation (but with kids). Kids is a big part of why I’m staying, frankly. Also partly financial, and partly the life we’ve built- businesses we run together, etc. I do love him, but I’ve ended relationships where there was love before. I’ve clocked up 9 years of celibacy (100% on his terms), and I’d say I have an above average libido. We tried everything, but I’ve accepted it isn’t in our future now. It’s very hard to avoid building up resentment. It’s practically impossible to not snap back when I’m asked ‘why so cranky today, love?’.

There’s lots of strategies I’ve put in place, including therapy, but I’m fairly sure a discreet affair is in my future. That’s if my knocked-about self-esteem lets me, and anybody asks me!

Feel free to PM me, if I can help further. It’s a bugger of an issue, in an era when everyone’s solution is ‘Oooo just leave’. I feel for you.

Tatiannatomasina · 06/10/2019 04:00

Is his blood sugar under control? And what is his diet like?

donethinkin · 06/10/2019 04:46

6 times in 6 years here. It’s about once a year and he’s just not that interested. If it wasn’t for the kids I’d be gone. Life’s too short...

FuriousVexation · 06/10/2019 05:33

A close friend went through this with her husband. He has a very low libido anyway (tending towards asexual) and then some life-long medical conditions have also affected matters.

After a lot of soul searching they agreed to open the relationship. My friend now feels she can stay in the marriage without growing utterly resentful towards him, and he feels he's not under pressure now to "perform" and they can just have a cuddle on the settee without him worrying that it's going to "give her ideas".

I think it's about 10 years now. She is healthier and happier than she's ever been.

CupoTeap · 06/10/2019 09:24

I think that him making a decision, or rather finally admitting it, is a bit different to not able to because of health issues.

Is all contact off the cards? No cuddles, no kisses? And he won't entertain any thing that's focused solely on you?

Would he go to counselling? What is he actually proposing as your new relationship?

Shortfeet · 06/10/2019 15:06

What an excellent description OP.
I think the situation will resolve if and when you fall in love with someone else.

Until then you are basically living with a really lovely flat mate.

If you meet someone else you then decide whether or not to leave your lovely flat mate I'm pursuit of the new sexual relationship.

Mamabear12 · 06/10/2019 16:14

Some men just have low sex drive or no interest or get it somewhere else. My friends ex husband had no interest in sex with her and she found out he was seeing escorts! My dh has a low sex drive from hair loss pills he took. And it can be frustrating, esp as I’m Young and fit. Nothing is perfect in a relationship. So although some people will say leave the person, the next relationship the guy might cheat, or be abusive or some other fault. It’s basically What you can live w. Some women are married to men who want it 3 times a week and it’s too much for them. Sorry, not much help. Some people turn to other people for sex but stick in the relationship. Or entertain themselves.

alltoomuchrightnow · 06/10/2019 19:51

Cupo, no, or I'd definitely be gone. We are still affectionate. Cuddles in bed, fall asleep in his arms, hold hands or link arms in public sometimes...I mean it's not like we had a honeymoon period when got together, so I don't notice less affection. There isn't less. The lack of sex isn't a shock as there never was much. but knowing the way his health has gone, how he's burying his head in sand and saying he doesn't fancy anything/anyone (ie no urges in any way shape or form) is worrying. I worry for his health as much as for us. He's also getting some hard scar tissue build up from the Peyronies (I've felt it). I can't put a gun to his head to drag him to the doctors. It's his choice. Frustrating on all levels for me.
Tatianna, re blood sugar, I would guess not because of his diabetes. He has high blood pressure however with healthy diet he's lowered his high cholestrol to normal and lost weight too. We are both very long term vegetarians and eat healthily and are active. He's even started home baking spelt bread etc.. so in that way he's invested in his health. At least food wise as he then ruins it all by drinking too much. He just won't talk to anyone. He doesn't believe in doctors. He'd better start believing in them when his condition gets so bad he may not even be able to pee? :( He's a v v intelligent and well educated man so I can't believe how bloody stupid he's being but he did this in the past with his diabetes. it took him YEARS to go to the doctors about it so it went untreated all that while.

I feel I should try and put some balance to this. I came to him with a lot of issues, troubles, baggage after a traumatic time in my life. He took all that on, supported me in every way when too sick to work , etc (even when things were v difficult financially) and never put pressure on me. It's not a case of 'I owe him' but more that he has definitely played the biggest part in the long journey of helping me to get back on my feet (I still have some way to go but I've come a long way...excuse the cliches, but true!). Because we are old friends he could see the person I used to be, when I couldn't. We are a good team. But yes it's more like being affectionate housemates.

OP posts:
alltoomuchrightnow · 06/10/2019 19:52

thanks Skittles I will message later

OP posts:
alltoomuchrightnow · 06/10/2019 19:54

and no, he would never EVER go to counselling. Middle aged dyed in the wool Yorkshire men would rather stick rusty nails in their eyes than go to counselling (to give you an idea, his even more Yorkshire BIL, chopped the end of his finger off.. and asked his wife for a plaster! Doctors are for 'southern puffs'.)

OP posts:
SimonJT · 06/10/2019 20:13

No, sex is really important for me, an ex wouldn’t have penetrative sex (and never had), I thought that wouldn’t be a problem as we both had similar sex drives and there are plenty other things to do. I was kidding myself as the lack of penetrative sex was a huge issue. This led to him thinking I would seek it elsewhere (he was wrong) which then led to unhealthy jealousy.

It doesn’t matter if he doesn’t like doctors, if he loves you he’ll go for your sake.

It also doesn’t matter if other people are happy without a sex life, the only feelings that matter on the issue are yours.

alltoomuchrightnow · 06/10/2019 20:39

Simon, it IS important to me. I have always said it's the glue that holds a relationship together.. attraction is that important. What I have is companionship. I'm miserable without sex. I also know how miserable I'd be if I left. Our life, home, him.. i'd be miserable. I'm in such turmoil.
But I can't see myself being longterm like this. Being loved but not fancied is a tough one. I'm so torn. I can't see the wood for the trees right now. ha no pun intended.. there is no wood ;)

OP posts: