Would you date an ex-addict?

[theoldmanfromup]

Musing after a recent date. Met someone who seems great. Incredibly attractive, funny, seems kind and spiritual.

But they had a long history of addiction to prescription drugs (including opiates) and some class A and B recreational drugs too.

Clean for a year, and had been a "functioning" addict.

Would you even go there? And would you tell them why not, if not?

Yes I did although he didn't tell me until we'd been together for 12 months, hadI known when we'd first met I don't think I'd have dated him.

We lasted 2.5 yrs together but I decided to split because he couldn't be honest with me and did something stupid which affected my daughter.

Not a chance. No such thing as an ‘ex-addict’, no matter what they are addicted to. Don’t risk it!

No way! My father was an alcoholic with a history of depression- I would never chose to be with someone who is an addict of depressive- living life on edge

Always be mindful that addiction is a chronic, recurring condition.

So he told you on the first date about his addiction. I for one think this was a very brave and honest thing to do. I'd give it a chance if it was me just based on the honesty as we all know how hard it is to make a confession of such magnitude. Just be prepared for the rough times ahead but if you aren't then tell him sooner rather than later as this could affect his recovery

I for one think this was a very brave and honest thing to do

I don't. Over-sharing this soon is often a red flag. It can be used as an excuse for behaviour. ‘Well, you knew i was an addict, so you can’t complain about how I deal with it.’

No I wouldn't. Unless you want to deal with the relapse if/when it should happen. A year isn't a long time really. Any sort of stress/trauma can set off a relapse. I just personally couldn't cope with that.

No i wouldnt volunteer opportunity to entangle my life and consciously encourage emotional attachment to someone who has only been sober for a year.

We all run the risk of developing addiction and mental illness..but voluntarily going into that? No.. not worth the trouble.

No, a year is a great start but it is early days really in structured recovery. I wouldn’t rule the person out as a friend with a potential for a relationship when they were further down the road.

Unless it was over 15 years ago, no. I feel bad saying that but I couldn't deal a relapse. Too risky.

No.. not worth the trouble

Ah this makes me so sad. Am very lucky my lovely DP thought I was worth it. He did once in a moment of unguarded honesty say "not many people would have taken you on" which is fair enough I suppose.

No I couldn't.
Not something i am proud of at all, but I know I would sometimes probably look at him and wonder why he was so stupid and weak.

What made him change his life around?
What does he do for a living?

I know I would sometimes probably look at him and wonder why he was so stupid and weak

That is so horrible.

No. No way. Life is hard enough without weighting the odds against yourself.

I know it is namechanger.
You sound really happy and I'm genuinely pleased it has all worked out well for you.

“Stupid and weak”

Is a very harsh judgement indeed. People develop addictions for all sorts of reasons, very rarely (if at all) is it down to stupidity or weakness.

Definitely not.
ExH is/was alcohol dependant towards the end of the marriage and a stoner.
I'm not stupid enough to make the same mistake twice.

MaeveDidIt thanks. It's horrible but I'm sure lots of people feel that way. Addicts are a pretty annoying bunch.

One year sober is the minimum time to start a new relationship. Being sober from alcohol for 9 years myself I may be biased but being in a group such as AA/NA etc makes you look at yourself a lot more than a "normal " person so we are very in touch with our feelings, how we can improve and be less selfish etc so I would give him a chance. I was honest with my current part and he wasn't put off at all. We have an amazing relationship and I have never relapsed or even thought about it. If you're strong in your sobriety it shouldn't impact on any of your relationships. Some very narrow minded comments on here.

A year is quite a short time.

Absolutely not. I made that mistake a seriously paid for it.
Sounds weirdly similar to my experience. Was clean for almost a year. Told me about his addictions on our first date. Was very open about it all. Attended NA seminars in other cities and all sorts.

Relapsed. Was eventually extremely abusive and frankly just a horrible person. Used his addiction as an excuse for treating me like shit.

NEVER AGAIN.

No. I'm so sorry, grew up with an addict mother who has relapsed often despite the best help we could find. It's broken my heart so much it doesnt even hurt when I see her in a mess.

Never

No absolutely everything will be about them.

Absolutely not. I wouldn’t have met up with someone smoking dope even. I like strong, people who don’t need or want to boost their lives with drugs.
I’d be really unhappy if any of the children associated with drug addicts.