Big chat with BF last night and don’t know what to do

[HedgeHogFoxBadger]

Been together 2 years. I have 3 children, 16, 13 and 5. He has a 5 yr old.
The children have never really mixed. Never done any family things together. We see each other a couple times a week in the evening.
It’s been getting me a bit down lately because I’m not sure where it’s going or what I want or if I just want some time out so I decided to bring it up last night.
He said he doesn’t want to be involved with my children and that he doesn’t want to live together. He also said he’d quite like another baby at some point with someone but knows I don’t really want anymore.
It’s his birthday today and I’ve brought stuff to cook dinner tonight but feeling very flat and upset today.

It looks like he was willing to compromise last time, but not this time.
That's how he stands and you have to decide if you take him as it is now, but with the likely probability that he will meet someone he wants to have babies with at any point and he'll dump you.

No point in dragging it.

It doesn't sound as if you are both compatible with each other on pretty big issues.

But, he wants nothing to do with your kids, and they are clearly a big part of you.

I wonder if he feels similar to you, as if the end is near, and your both not really doing anything about it or being brave enough to just say it.

My relationship started very similarly to yours. He was so resistant to me meeting his 3 kids and he kept me at arms length for a long time. I felt very lonely. Particularly when he spent Christmas day with his kids and ex wife!!! (I found out after the event of course!). We now live together in my house, I've met his kids a lot, and he talks about the future, and buying a house together etc. It does happen. It took me ending the relationship for a few months for him to realise what he had though!! I always say, ask for what you want and if you don't get it, walk away. He'll get you back if he wants it.

Gift wrap him a breakup

Another vote to break up with him, keep the food you've bought and cook yourself and the kids a celebratory dinner. Spend some time being single, and don't settle for anyone in the future who isn't on the same page as you. It sounds like you are okay to be his girlfriend for now, but he's looking for someone else to spend the rest of his life with.

Ring him now and end it. Then pour yourself a large glass of wine and toast your future.

Break up and spend more time on your own with your kids. You don't need anyone else in your life, and you need to enjoy just being on your own with your kids for a bit. You do seem to have rushed into relationships a bit.

I just couldn't see a future with anyone who felt that way about my children.

100% LTB. He's basically just admitted he's stringing you along.

To be fair I think 2 years is the timeframe when you start to know what you want.

He has been honest with you and has said he might want more children which is reasonable. As you already have 3 dc then your position is also reasonable.

Your last post suggests you haven't been single for long. Perhaps you do need time out on your own as it builds self confidence.

You can be happy on your own with your children so don't stay in a relationship wher you know you are not compatible. You will just feel used as you know he is waiting for someone else.

Done it. Took me this long but I went round and spoke to him face to face. Had a very emotional week so far, my dd was as referred to an eating disorder clinic yesterday. I feel sad but like a big weight has been lifted and glad I didn’t put it off any longer x

Well done.
Certainly better than dragging it.

Well done HedgeHog. That was hard but for the best.

Well done. I know it must be upsetting. Onwards to better things. I hope you and your daughter have a happier future around the corner.

Aah yes the feeling of a weight being lifted when you finally gather the courage to end a relationship with someone who is wrong for you.

Best wishes to you and your daughter

Well done, im a massive supporter for people fightin the good fight to stay together but readin ur post i just wanted to ask u to leave him. Im relieved to read your updates. Sorry about ur daughter , i know first hand how ED can be so self destroying but she will pull through. Keep her in treatment/therapy and be patient.

Good break. Honestly, it might be a good idea to take a break from dating it sounds like you've gone from relationship to relationship without much of a break and it might be good to have one. HOpe your daughter can get some good treatment.

Well done xxx I have ED symptoms and wish it'd been picked up, as with everything I've experienced, when younger. The sooner it's sorted, the better the outcomes. Best wishes to you all. Hugs xxx