Aibu to end the relationship am I in the wrong or is he?

[whyisntchocolateafruit]

Hi so I've been dating at guy for over a year call him peter all was going well, talking about moving it ect. I have 2 children one with special needs. He is not the dad.
So we went away for a weekend trip to somewhere special that my ds has been super excited about going to, he has autism so him having a meltdown because of sensory overload was expected.
Peter gets involved when meltdown happenes so I asked him nicely to not get involved as I was calming him down and had nearly done it and didn't want it to start all over again (ds he gets embarrassed)
Peter gets moody but does leave it. So on the way home ds had got something from the shop that he wanted to build but he needed to wait till after school the next day as was super late when we got home so because of autism ds repeatedly asked same question once every hour. Now peter gets worse so I say don't get involved. He says u can't tell me what to do this is not autistic behaviour it's bad behaviour and I said how would u no when u have only been around someone who has autism for a year and don't read about it ect and then peter said well tell your son to shut the fuck up then 🤬 so I ended the relationship there and then. Peter is now saying that he's done nothing wrong and I shouldn't of wind him up and I'm to blame for every and I should learn how to parent. (Peter has no children) I think it's disgusting that be would talk about my son like that aibu?

No you are not and you are far, far better off without this prick.

I would imagine from this snapshot that it would be an extremely bad idea to get further involved with this man. He does not suit your family and he sounds abusive and nasty.

You definitely did the right thing. Peter's behaviour would only get worse, your son comes first.

Surely you know that nobody is going to say that you were wrong to end the relationship

Peter is a prize prick.

You did the right thing ending it. Don't get back together.

over a year is still too soon to live with a new man when you have dc.

Tell him to fuck along.

You're so right to drop Peter like a brick.
Don't get into a debate with him - ignore him

You are right to dump him

Also you can dump someone for any reason you like. There isn't a permissible reason - just because you don't like his behaviour is reason enough.

I agree with everyone else. You're definitely right to end it. Sounds like his true colors are showing and better now than after you moved in together. Sorry OP. Good on you though for not hesitating to do the right thing.

Autism or not it was not his place to get involved and him saying that would be an automatic deal breaker for me too - you’ve done the right thing.

I would never speak to Peter again. No he should never tell you or your child to shut the fuck up, and he knows sweet fuck all about parenting.

If I was Peter, it would annoy me too.

But you’ve already done Peter a favour by making this decision.

I have worked with autistic children and no two children are the same. The one thing that is consistent is their behaviour is incredibly challenging.

You can handle the behaviour because you love your son.

Your boyfriend doesn’t love your son.

It would be very frustrating for him being around you and your son, especially when he disagrees with your parenting method in circumstances wherein he thinks the behaviour demonstrated is bad - not necessarily a consequence of a condition.

NO child should be told to ‘shut the fuck up’, never mind an autistic one. If that’s Peters style of parenting then you’re better off without him.

I understand that it can be challenging but after a year he should know that you will have your own particular methods for calming down your son, and he can’t just apply a strict parenting style.

If I had a pound for the number of times I was told that DS2 (ASD) was just being naughty, I would be richer than Simon Cowell. Trying to explain that it is NOT poor parenting, but adjusting to the unique demands and needs of a person with autism, which can be very subtle but also very profound.

Peter is a prize prick, and you are well rid of him.

It totally is autistic behaviour to ask the same question over and over again. Usually anxiety triggered. For my DS it's triggered by the traffic lights at the end of our road. If they're green on the way to school it's fine, nothing happens. But if they're red then the rest of the journey is

"Are we going to be late?"
"No we have plenty of time."
5 seconds later
"Are we going to be late?"
"No we've still got 10 minutes"
5 seconds later
"Are we going to be late?"

And on and on all the way to school. To which we were only late once 2 years ago because of car trouble but he's still bothered by it.

So no you're not in the wrong and this bloke is showing you what he's really like and what his attitude to your child is. Do not let him back into your life because the more embedded he becomes the nastier he will get to your son.

Wow, can you imagine if you stayed with this man how horrible he’d be after some time

Good riddance OP!

You are well shot of him OP! he sounds awful! and he handled it very badly- both ou and your family will be better off without him!

You were in the right.
it doesn't matter if Peter is finding annoying. Thats part your ds disability and he has to accept it or fuck off.

Thanks everyone! I really didn't think I was in the wrong and I'm still in shock that anyone would do that! It's just the way peter is blaming me and it just made me question myself a little bit as I no it can be hard but I mange to not loose my temper and the fact that ds had actually really handled it so well I am so proud of him

Also I never had him move in with me as it was too soon but he was asking since around 3months being together and I kept saying no it's early

Wow I can’t believe you’re actually asking on here if you were right or not! Why on earth are you doubting yourself? Just because he says he did nothing wrong doesn’t make it so! You are entitled to end a relationship for any reason. It doesn’t have to be justifiable. You can end a relationship just because you want to you know? In your case he told you to tell him to shut the fuck up. That’s abusive language. If you allow him back then it will likely happen again. You know that. The relationship has no future. You can’t ever allow a man like that to live with your son so what’s the point in carrying on?

well done for ending it

Don't for one second doubt yourself. Take comfort in the fact that it was definitely going to get worse from there and you have prevented your son from being exposed to a bullying idiot for the rest of his childhood.

This man was testing your boundaries and doesn't like the fact you stood firm so he's trying to plant seeds of doubt in your head. The first big red flag was him asking to move in after 3 months.

Block him and never look back!

He sounds horrible OP! Yanbu, and he is in the wrong!