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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Brother's girlfriend hates my toddler

29 replies

OneAndDone86 · 01/10/2019 14:36

Just a little rant - Any advice is appreciated.

I'm very angry with this girl (22), she has been with my brother for 2 or 3 years - it's a toxic relationship with him using words like mental abuse and door-mat. Up and down the drama is intense. She is a horrible person and treats him like trash. Yet he always goes back

2 weeks ago they " broke up" and he told us told us some of the awful things that she had said about our family. I don't care about the personal attacks, just this one thing - she said that if her and my brother ever had a child, that said child would never be allowed to play with my LO because he is mixed race . WTF.

She is justifiably now banned from my house and from ever looking at my child. I want to tear out her eyeballs. (p.s I won't, shes not worth it.)

My brother is on a date with his ex. She now has a new boyfriend in these 2 weeks therefore she is now cheating on him as well (bro knows about all of this).

My LO at 18 months is innocent and beautiful. I don't understand how anyone can think that of a baby. How do i make him see sense? He needs to see that his family should mean more than this stupid little girl...

OP posts:

reetgood · 01/10/2019 14:37

Not your circus, not your monkeys.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 01/10/2019 14:45

How do i make him see sense?

Unfortunately, you can't. All you can do is be there to pick up the pieces when this piece of trash is done with him. Give her enough rope etc...

Racist bitch. Well done for banning her from your house.

Wolfiefan · 01/10/2019 14:48

Your brother wants to have a relationship with a cheating racist who is vile about his family?
Personally I’d put some distance between you. You can’t make him see sense.

Butteflyone1 · 01/10/2019 14:52

She's an immature brat. Your brother needs to grow some balls and tell her to bugger off for good!!

You can't change any of this so juts try and let it go. Obviously if your brother gets back together then you have every right not to welcome her anywhere near you or LO.

krustykittens · 01/10/2019 14:57

Tbh, OP, the person I would be most annoyed at is your brother He actually dates someone who would say that about his nephew! It doesn't say much about him.

GrimDamnFanjo · 01/10/2019 15:01

He sounds like he needs help. And I'd never let her near my child ever again.

Wheelson · 01/10/2019 15:01

Your anger is misdirected. You should be pissed off with your brother.

MySonIsAlsoNamedBort · 01/10/2019 15:01

Your brother is dating her which means he's condoning what she's said. I'd be cutting him off until he gets rid of her for good.
He sounds immature and addicted to her drama.

BumbleBeee69 · 01/10/2019 15:08

Your brother must have very slow esteem or issues of his own to keep going back to someone like this OP

StewDad · 01/10/2019 15:22

She sounds like a delight.
Your brother needs a slap around the head to wake him up.

If he is intent on going back to this racist, cheating who-er then good luck to him. Tell him that he is welcome at yours but she isn't.
He will make his mind up depending on a certain apendage on his body and you're free of both of them.

Rachelle11 · 01/10/2019 15:23

I'd be pissed at my brother more than her. Why was she ok saying that to him? Obviously she knew he wouldn't stick up for his family. Your brother is toxic as well.

Perisoire · 01/10/2019 15:24

Ugh, racist twat.

Caledoniahasmyheartforever · 01/10/2019 15:27

I agree with above, you have a DB problem here! She is a nasty racist who says derogatory and foul things about his family- but he condoned that behaviour by staying with her! By entering into a relationship with her again, he is making a statement that he supports her and her comments about you. I would have to stop contact with my brother if he chose to be with an abusive bullying cheat who had been vile about my child!

LordProfFekkoThePenguinPhD · 01/10/2019 15:28

I hope the brothers response was to call her out on her racism.

It’s his call - some people are just really blind when it comes to other half’s and they seem to pick the worst type of person over and over again.

If it was me, I’d just tell him coolly and calmly that she is not to be let within 100 miles, and if she says one more crappy word I’d expect him to stand up for his family (or he can piss off too).

MMadness · 01/10/2019 16:47

Look. She's a right cunt. My children are mixed race and I'd rip someone's lungs out through their nose if they ever, ever denigrated my children.

You can't control your brother and it's safe to say he loves his niece/nephew. So, don't cut him off. Make it clear she isn't welcome but don't extend it to him as well. Explain you'll not tolerate her racism around your child and explain that if he attempts to justify her position or he defends her views, then he's welcome to fuck along too.

Witchinaditch · 01/10/2019 17:18

I’m so sorry that you are facing abuse like this from this abhorrent girl. I would
Loose a lot if respect for your brother if he did continue to date her.

AgentJohnson · 01/10/2019 17:54

Your brother is no innocent here, what was his motivation for telling you? What I suspect is he will expect you to develop amnesia over her comments now they are on again.

He has a role to play in this toxic dynamic and you have to acknowledge that. You can support him without letting him drag you into his toxic circus.

MrsRufusdog789 · 01/10/2019 18:17

Good grief - what a piece of work she is - apart from the obvious why does an otherwise reasonable brother waste his time and betray his loved ones with a vile creature like this.
When the anger wears off the hurt you feel about the racist comments she's made will still be there .
Don't let it take you over . Your lovely child has a lovely Mum x

RLEOM · 01/10/2019 19:42

My eyes popped out when I read the reason why she wouldn't let her future child play with yours. The cheek of it!

And WTF is wrong with your brother to stay with an evil wrench like that? 🙄

DBML · 01/10/2019 19:45

I’d ignore her. She clearly isn’t worth another thought.

Your brother though! How can he go back to her after she said those things! I’d be very upset with him.

RushianDisney · 01/10/2019 19:51

I dropped a friend as she expressed some racist views, and I am the mother of a mixed race child. The girlfriend would never be seeing my child again, and I would also go very low contact (if not NC) with the brother for as long as he is involved with her. The combo of the two of them is clearly a toxic cesspit, don't let them bring you down by involving them in your life.

JengaNonConfirming · 01/10/2019 19:54

She is not worthy of your time, the vile woman. As fir your brother, what was his motivation in telling you?? I think he'd still be welcome, but not until he'd been told a few home truths.

Pinkbonbon · 01/10/2019 20:41

Sounds more like your brother is a shitstirring bullshitter.

Do you really think he would go back to her if she actually said that? Doubt it.

Is it possible that your brother is a manipulative pos who plays her off against you and vice versa cause he loves the drama?

Cause that sounds more likely than her actually saying that about your son.

I'd bet he's the toxic one.

scoobydoo1971 · 02/10/2019 00:17

If she really did utter those words, it is your brother who is the real problem in your life. He is racist by proxy, in his acceptance of her as a partner with such disgusting views. Forget the silly girl, and the drama of her dating your sibling...it is HIM, your brother, who is your problem. He is chasing a woman with such awful views. Time to think hard about your relationship with your brother given his poor taste in partners, and acceptance of such terrible views on a child (or anyone).

Original poster

OneAndDone86 · 07/10/2019 05:20

Sorry for the late reply, Thank you everyone! It really helps seeing it from a different perspective. I need to have a good chat with him- let him know my position clearly and then focus 100% on my baby. No excuses, no drama, just love.

OP posts:

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