Stick or twist.

[Brainticket]

Hi all, I've just joined after a friend told me about the site and the plethora of help and suggestions that the learned members can offer.

Anyway, just a little about me, I'm a mid 50's guy, own home, car and teeth, the hair is long gone as is the ex. I have no baggage and am loving life, except for one thing, I have a new lady in my life, but she lives an hour away and doesn't drive. We've been a couple for 6 months or so, but she is pushing for me to move to where she lives, I'm reluctant, as my children live only 100 yards away and my youngest is having a few problems at the moment, with a couple of bullies at school, so I want to be here for her.
All my friends are here, plus my hobbies are based in the locality and in the last 3 years I've been on my own, I have my home how I want it, so I'm reticent to up sticks, money is short and I'd probably have to carpet the new property as my carpets cost me a lot of money, are fairly new and might not fit in the new place even if it could be cut/reshaped, there are several costs involved as anyone moving house know, I don't have the finances for this right now, nor will in the near future.
I have several health issues that cause me a lot of stress and anxiety, I've had seizures because of this and I don't want to be in the situation were my condition is exacerbated by having to move. She won't move to where I live as she doesn't like it and public transport is rubbish if she needs to go anywhere and I'm out cycling, fishing or one of my other hobbies.

We do get on well and have a great time together, but there's something niggling me and I have a "gut feeling" that something is amiss, but I cannot put my finger on it.

We converse several times a day and the majority of the time, she goes on and on, asking me if I've called the council or housing authorities to chase up my application, this is really getting on my nerves as she knows it takes time and it's only a month since I applied. I've asked her to stop going on about it, but she constantly brings it into the conversation. It's got to the point were, a week ago, I told her to "shut up and stop bending my ear all the time", she went quiet and started crying. I immediately apologised, but reiterated that I was tired of her constant ramblings about it.

I've had very restless nights since then, I'm hardly sleeping, I'm beginning to question myself and whether I should end the relationship, I do not want to end up having anymore health issues because of "outside influences". I feel a little vulnerable at the moment and am wanting to withdraw and care for myself as I feel my partner is becoming overbearing, this scares me and is putting me into a flight or fight situation. I had an appointment at the neurologist yesterday for my 6 monthly check up and told him about my feelings, he thinks I might be suffering from a parasympathetic disorder, hence the flight or fight.

Right now, I don't want to be with her and this feeling is becoming stronger by the hour, can someone tell me what I should do please?

I'm assuming that you mean an application for a house where she lives? As you don't say!

Even if you applied for a house move based on your wanting to live somewhere different (which isn't true anyway) you -will- be waiting several years I assume, as you will have no priority with the council/HAs whatsoever for this voluntary move to an area you have little connection to- everyone more local or with a -need- will be prioritized over you.

I would dump this woman, as you said at the end of your post that you've had enough. You could give it two weeks and see if anything's changed after that. To me, there are few up sides to you moving- only being nearer her, after just 6 months she shouldn't be asking for that.
Best wishes xxx

Another one saying dump! far too soon to be contemplating moves like this. She sounds unhinged. Find someone nearer.

I think you've answered it yourself, you don't want to be with her, you need to end it.

Look after yourself and your health. The stress she's adding is not good for you. And at only 6 months in, if your gut is telling you all is not right, listen to your gut.

Thank you all for the replies and I apologise for not thanking you earlier, I've not been well physically or mentally for the last few days, I suffer from a couple of physical issues that slow me down and/or stop me from being me, on top of this, I have a couple of neurological issues to deal with. Now, with having her trying to put me under pressure, the more I'm backing off.
We're supposed to be spending the weekend together, but even now and it's only Thursday, I'm feeling very edgy and just don't want to go.
She'll be calling me tonight and I'll be telling her I won't be going to see her this weekend or ever again. I'd prefer to be a man about it and tell her face to face, but I honestly, do not want to even see her as I know she'll start with the tears, then the, "why don't we try this or that?" No, it's a clean break I'm going for.
Where I live is a very desirable place to live and I've been here all my life, if I was to upsticks and move to be closer to her and it didn't work out, the chance of me returning to my place of birth would be very slim and getting into another bungalow that is modified for a disabled person/wheelchair user (which is something I have a very high chance becoming in 2-3 years) would be virtually impossible.

It ends tonight.

Thank you.

Thank you for your update. You're doing the right thing. Good luck for your future.

Good call OP.
SHE and this relationship are stressing you out way too much.
It's only 6 months in and she is putting huge pressure on you to move away from your friends, family, hobbies etc.....
Why? Sounds like she is trying to isolate you which is controlling and abusive.
Add in the manipulative tears and you've got yourself a selfish abusive asshole!
End it - clean break and then block, ignore and delete.
Does she have your address?
Because she sounds like she might stalk you.
Don't rush into any other relationships.
You have enough on your plate.
Look after you. Look after your DC and leave relationships alone for a while.
Keep enjoying your single life.
It's so much better being single.
You've enjoyed it the last 3 years so keep that going.

Don't stick or twist. Fold and wait for a new woman hand.

You may feel a tad regretful that it hasn't worked out with Ms Demanding but I suspect that, as you put the phone down, your overwhelming feeling will be one of relief that you're no longer going to be given earache over

posted to soon...

earache over *moving.

Don't forget to withdraw your rehousing application.

Sounds like a lucky escape op. If this was a woman with a man pressuring her to move and leave her dc the red flags would be declared very out!!

Evening all, again, I thank you for your input, the call was made earlier on and as I expected, I was called all the names under the sun, I'd wasted her life, rubbish in bed, I was a crap lover, small dick, rubbish kisser, bad breath, I would cause the death of her mother, no good at foreplay, premature ejaculation, if you can think of an insult, she said it.
It's done and dusted now, fingers crossed she keeps away and lets me get on with my life, the way I want to live it. The more I think about it, the more I'm happy with the advice given, I cannot thank you all enough.

Just read your whole post and I'm glad you got out of there. From reading your last comment, it sounds like you definitely made the right decision!

I hope that cutting her out of your life reduces your stress thus helping with your health a bit!

Well done xx

Wow, she showed her true colours didn't she!!! Well rid if you ask me.

Jaysus. Has she got rabies? She sounds positively unhinged and you've dodged a bullet there, OP.

Thank goodness you saw the light before you were irrevocably committed to moving.

Goodness me, you had a lucky escape there.
Well done for ending it.
I hope you didn't believe a word of those nasty things she said about you.
You sound lovely.

My gosh she sounds awful especially in her reaction ok didn’t expect her to say thank you and probably. A few mean things but seriously! P.s considering she wanted you to
Move her way she is just talking through her bottom!
But to be that vicious is a good
Sign of a lucky escape

Good grief.
So I was right.
This woman is an abusive asshole.
Lucky lucky escape OP.
I'm so glad you posted here!
But if anything like this happens again, HANG UP!!!!
You don't have to listen while someone abuses you.
'I'm not listening to this bullshit. I clearly made the right decision. I'm hanging up. Bye!'
Job done.
I think you are a people pleaser.
Please look into that.
You need to be far more assertive in future relationships.

Gosh OP well done.

Guess who called me tonight? Yes, I had a call at just after 5pm, I'd been out most of the day and only just walked in the house, I was told how lovely I am, I'm her rock and the best thing since sliced bread, she doesn't want to live without me, I'm the best lover she's ever had. I told her that I had a friend with me and I would try and call back later.
I made a coffee and noticed the motion sensor on my CCTV system was flashing, this told me that the camera's had picked up moment inside the perimeter of it's range coverage. I checked it and guess who'd been to visit me, yes, it was my caller and ex.
After thinking about this for a couple of days, I realised, she never thinks or suggests spending the weekend here with me, even though I've mentioned it on many an occasion and because of my conditions, could have done with spending a weekend at home. I'm always the one doing the "chasing", now, don't get me wrong, I love driving and seeing different places, but, there are times when I could quite happily spend the weekend in my own home and sleeping on the bed I spent a lot of money on, to find a mattress that suits me. (I have a spinal injury and Fibro, so comfort and sensitivity are a constant battle for me), but I still wake with stiffness and pain on a morning. Because I snore, I sleep on the settee when I stay at hers, so she can get a nights sleep, I wake up more pained and a great deal stiffer and suffering.
So, all in all, I'm doing what I need to do for my own benefit and mental and physical well being. I am going to miss her, but, there are too many things that are making me question how and why she goes about things and what her long term plan is.

There may be nothing for me to fear, but I don't like her organising manner and the idea I'm going to up sticks and move, it's not going to happen. My children and only 100 yards away and I see them a couple of times a week. I'm born here, grew up here and I'll die here, if I have anything to do with it, but I hope, that when it happens, I'll be 142 years old and I'm shot by a jealous husband!

She came to your house when you weren’t there?
You’ve done the right thing. I was going to say always trust your gut instinct and that you have so many sound reasons for staying put, but you’d already made the sensible decision. Six months is far too soon to up sticks anyway.
Hold the line - block number, no contact etc etc. Good luck!

Omg how dare she stalk you! You definitely did the right thing! Xxx

Next time if she calls don't say you'll try and call back, say you're sorry but it's over, you don't want to discuss it anymore. If need be block and move on. Don't waste any more time raking over the embers of something that's never going to burn.

Was she outside your house when she made that call? Gosh make sure your doors & windows are locked. Definitely dodged a bullet there.

Jeez, what a bunny boiler!
Abusing you down the phone and then stalking you and only after 6 months of knowing her.
I'm sure you will find somebody who will love and appreciate you.
Well done for dodging an unhinged nutjob!