Stick or twist.

[Brainticket]

Hi all, I've just joined after a friend told me about the site and the plethora of help and suggestions that the learned members can offer.

Anyway, just a little about me, I'm a mid 50's guy, own home, car and teeth, the hair is long gone as is the ex. I have no baggage and am loving life, except for one thing, I have a new lady in my life, but she lives an hour away and doesn't drive. We've been a couple for 6 months or so, but she is pushing for me to move to where she lives, I'm reluctant, as my children live only 100 yards away and my youngest is having a few problems at the moment, with a couple of bullies at school, so I want to be here for her.
All my friends are here, plus my hobbies are based in the locality and in the last 3 years I've been on my own, I have my home how I want it, so I'm reticent to up sticks, money is short and I'd probably have to carpet the new property as my carpets cost me a lot of money, are fairly new and might not fit in the new place even if it could be cut/reshaped, there are several costs involved as anyone moving house know, I don't have the finances for this right now, nor will in the near future.
I have several health issues that cause me a lot of stress and anxiety, I've had seizures because of this and I don't want to be in the situation were my condition is exacerbated by having to move. She won't move to where I live as she doesn't like it and public transport is rubbish if she needs to go anywhere and I'm out cycling, fishing or one of my other hobbies.

We do get on well and have a great time together, but there's something niggling me and I have a "gut feeling" that something is amiss, but I cannot put my finger on it.

We converse several times a day and the majority of the time, she goes on and on, asking me if I've called the council or housing authorities to chase up my application, this is really getting on my nerves as she knows it takes time and it's only a month since I applied. I've asked her to stop going on about it, but she constantly brings it into the conversation. It's got to the point were, a week ago, I told her to "shut up and stop bending my ear all the time", she went quiet and started crying. I immediately apologised, but reiterated that I was tired of her constant ramblings about it.

I've had very restless nights since then, I'm hardly sleeping, I'm beginning to question myself and whether I should end the relationship, I do not want to end up having anymore health issues because of "outside influences". I feel a little vulnerable at the moment and am wanting to withdraw and care for myself as I feel my partner is becoming overbearing, this scares me and is putting me into a flight or fight situation. I had an appointment at the neurologist yesterday for my 6 monthly check up and told him about my feelings, he thinks I might be suffering from a parasympathetic disorder, hence the flight or fight.

Right now, I don't want to be with her and this feeling is becoming stronger by the hour, can someone tell me what I should do please?

When I said, "I'll try and call you later", I was caught off guard, it won't be happening. She wasn't outside my house when she made the call, she'd gone back home.
My front door is always locked, even when I'm in the house, my back door leads onto a large garden, surrounded by a high fence and some big bushes and there is no paths or roads leading to it, just the gardens of the houses at the back. The CCTV covers the front and all the rear of my house and I had it installed in May after someone smashed all the windows on my car and the following day, the bloke next door started making threats and blaming me for throwing bags of dog crap in his garden. He's a short arsed nasty piece of work and was very well known for being a troublesome little shit when he was younger. I have better things to do than throw dog shit, but after watching my CCTV, I've recognised who it is, but won't be telling him.
I involved the police and he got a visit, he tried to deny it, but his next door neighbour confirmed what happened as she was shouting at him to calm down.

I'm going to have a little me time for the next few weeks and see what life brings.

Wow have you seen the film Fatal Attraction.
Good one dodging that.
Your life would have been hell if you had have moved.
I wonder if she has got form

Wow, it sounds like you've had a lucky escape!

"Wasted her life" what a whole 6 months of it 🙄

If she's ever had a key to your place, I would change your locks. It's pretty easy to do yourself if you have (or can borrow) an electric drill/screwdriver set.

Did you meet her online? Just thinking this might be a good lesson going forward, that potential partners who are located more than X mins drive are pointless pursuing as they will cut into the amount of time you have with your DC, and/or expect you to move at some point.

Having read the whole thread, as someone else said always trust your gut instinct! You have totally done the right thing and had lucky escape. After 6 months of dating and pushing you to move to her was way too much. I think she is unhinged particularly coming to your home. You should never have any contact with her again but sounds like she’ll put on sob story but you must be strong and avoid contact. You sound lovely and hope you find someone more deserving. She is a bunny boiler!

She has been the most selfish partner I can ever imagine. Making you do all the travelling, making you sleep on the couch despite your health, expecting you to move and leave your family. I hope now you can reflect on her behaviour and see how controlling she was.
Block her number on your mobile. I think you can also have it blocked on your landline too if you call your provider.
Its funny how she manages to turn up at your house when she doesn't drive and wouldn't have made the effort to come any other time

At 9 pm, I was in the middle of a back spasm and in acute pain (which happens regular), I was in so much pain, I didn't know where to put myself, it eased off enough for me to get to the kitchen and get some Tramadol, I normally only take one, but decided to take two and hope I could get through the night without pain and the extra tablet would give me some help to sleep. I went to bed and was asleep in minutes.
An hour ago, my landline started to ring, I was in a deep sleep and didn't really notice it, I thought it was part of my dream. The ringing continued, to the point where it woke me, I wear glasses for reading and couldn't see the number, thinking it might be important and in a delirious state, I answered it, what a mistake. I was subject to a tirade of abuse and with not being totally with it, I was somewhat taken aback. You can guess who it was from, midway between being asleep, awake and dead, I dropped the phone onto the floor and turned over. After what seemed like an age, but was only a matter of minutes, I woke up and noticed the room was lit up, I looked around and saw the phone was on the floor, but the screen was lit up, I picked up the phone and not remembering what had happened a few minutes earlier put it to my ear, I said hello and was met with another barrage of foul language.
My phone is now unplugged and I've blocked her number on my mobile, what is worse though, I'm now wide awake, feeling very delirious, agitated and angry, I cannot get back to sleep and I really feel like calling the police and get them to visit her home and drag her arse off to the station to explain her actions, even though it's gone midnight.
I don't need this, I've had more than enough crap in my life, probably enough for 10 people to share, I don't think I can take any more.

No matter how unpleasant the content, the police won't act on one phone call.

As you've now blocked her number, she won't be able to call your mobile unless she uses a different phone.

I doubt this will be the last you hear from her and suggest you keep a log and, if possible, record some of the vitriol with a view to reporting her to the police for harassment if these calls persist over the next few days.

I would suggest you seek advice from your local community police officer. Ask him to visit your home and temporarily unblock her as it would be amusing no more than she deserves if she calls you and he gets on the phone, announces who he is, and tells her to do one refrain from calling you again.

Have you got a good book on the go, or some late night tv to watch?

Make a cup of cocoa or fix yourself your favourite nightcap, take some deep breaths, and relax until you feel sleepy again.

She is such a vile woman!! I'm so sorry you're going through this.
Keep a record of everything that she's doing and the date and times just in case you need to take action against her.

I really hope she leaves you alone.

God, what an awful night, I've not slept a wink, I had a few glasses of Bourbon hoping it might have a soporific effect, but to no avail, I've seen every minute on the clock and feel sick to my stomach.
I've had a great deal of stress in my life and as mentioned before, well more than my fair share, my job was pressure, pressure, pressure and my former partner caused me unknown financial trouble. I managed to prove a lot of the debt she accrued was of her own doing and I dodged a bullet there, she is now in the crap and having to sort out her money affairs on her own.
As suggested, I'm keeping a diary of events and recording as much as I can on my laptop. I've heard it said that, "there are millions of nerves in the human body and some people can get on every one", well, my whole body is tingling, so I reckon that statement is very true.
I'm getting in my car today and going for a drive, just to get me out of the house, I'm dropping my little dog off with friends, they have offered to look after him for the day, while I get out of the place and away from the crap that's surrounding me. I have plenty of friends scattered around, so I'll be spending the day drinking coffee and peeing a great deal.
Thank you all for the advice.

Jeeezzz.... She really is a total loon / bunny boiler.
So glad you have blocked her.
Have a relaxing day if you can.
Try to forget the psycho!!!

I'm not an expert on this but I believe you do have to contact her one last time and ask her NOT to contact you any more in order to then be able to report her for harassment. You could unblock her, send her a text message and then block her again.

Please act on Emma's timely advice to send the harridan a final message stating that you do not want any further contact with her and will report any act of harassment on her part to the police.

If you do text her one last time Like @AnotherEmma said , and she follows up with a load of abuse, remember to screen shot as evidence.
Then block the batshit crazy psycho.

Thank you all again, she was sent a final text today, giving her fair warning and what I would be doing if she did anything in the slightest after the final text. My hone has rang several times during the day, but the number was with held, if it rings tomorrow, I will answer it, as it could be from the hospital I'm waiting and appointment for. The hospitals numbers are always withheld, but my doctors surgery shows the number, so I will answer it.

I've also updated the diary I'm keeping, so if she does carry on, it will be printed off and given to the police.

Take care everyone.

I hope you get a good night's sleep tonight, OP.

A little update from my last one, she's tried to call me several times a day since Monday, I've not answered, be it by landline or mobile. There have been many texts and messages, at least one or two per day mention never wanting to hear or see me ever again, that's fine by me.
However, yesterday, she messaged me about a small jewellery box that she'd left here and she wanted it back, I replied that I would drop it off today, as I had a hospital and I would more or less pass her house on the way there. After I put it at the front door, as I promised, I went on my to my hospital appointment, I'd not even got off the estate she lives in, when a message came through, she claims she'd texted me (not asked) to give the box to the PDSA as something to sell with christmas coming up. I never got the last message.
2 things baffled me here, why did she want it back, then mention it going to a PDSA centre. Although I've not looked, I don't know of a PDSA centre anywhere near me, had there been, I would have taken it, now she has it back, she can do with it, whatever she wants.
I feel a huge weight has been lifted off me, I've had a couple of decent night sleep, I don't feel sick all the time, my appetite has returned a little and I don't feel on edge all the time.
Good health, the feeling of well being and peace of mind is the best thing in the world.