I went back. Now over for food. Help.

[mamapart]

I went back. If you see my previous post you would have seen about the abuse I have been thought with my ex partner. On my last post I said I had split with him. I got lonely and missed him so I went back. You were right. We got into an argument whilst I was drunk. (It was his night to watch baby). I ended up throwing a bottle of water at him and he threw a glass at me he had in his hand. It shattered and cut open my arm. I've had it fixed up. He got taken into custody. His mum came and picked me up the next day and got him out of jail ( I didn't want to press charges). I was weak and my family don't care. I stayed with him. We have now agreed we're not good together. He's taking me home. As I live in temporary acclimation if they see I haven't been there for a while they could kick me out. Also I've been told I could be contacted by social services. Will social services just come round or will they call me? Also I'm petrified of being alone. I'm so anxious.

Only you can break this toxic cycle. Feeling lonely is no excuse for exposing your child to this toxic relationship. Social services will make contact to see if you are capable of prioritising your child needs above your wants.

You can do this but you first have to want to do it. Contact WA to get support.

I would get yourself together because being drunk and going back to an abusive man with which you have a baby reflects badly on you.

Stop drinking. Sort of the care of your child ASAP, and stop talking to this man because you are lonely. If you don’t do this next time you post there will be an even bigger mess.

I think you need to pull yourself together for the sake of your child who should be your priority and that means no getting drunk and no going back with this 'man'.

There are a thousand things worse than living alone, one of them is living with an abusive arsehole.

I imagine social services will make contact and you should embrace their support with open arms to be honest. Temporary accommodation, getting drunk, throwing things at yourpartner, being on the receiving end of physical abuse, police involvement. Your life and by extension your baby's life is a mess and you need help to get on the right track.

If you keep going back to him, he's going to end up jailed and your baby will end up being taken off you and then you'll REALLY be alone.

Do you have a social worker assigned to you? Please op, get into a support group with other single mums affected by violence / drinking. You need friends, people who will walk this road with you. If you get support around you, you won't feel like you have to constantly go back to this guy.

Please get support. Your baby needs you to stop drinking and stop seeing this horrible man who hates you xx

When SS does contact you, tell them you are alone and have no one to talk to and need to be placed with a support group.

Tell SS you need help. They can help. This man can't help you, he is part of your problems and not part of the solution.

Thank you for all the replies. I agree I need to sort myself out. Especially for the sake of my child. How long do you think it'll take social services to contact me. Will they just ring or will they need to come to my house?

Will they just ring or will they need to come to my house?

What is behind your obsession with this question? What happened was a serious assault when a child was present and this will be SS’s focus and they will hold you accountable if you fail to protect your DD.

Your energies should be focused on providing the safe environment for real not trying to pretend/ act your way out of troubling situation.

The could do either depending on how much background they are aware of or how serious this is.

mamapart

Will they just ring or will they need to come to my house?

How is anyone here supposed to know

I would imagine it would be up to the individual social worker. I think it’s highly likely that they will just show up to see that the environment is safe did the child and that you don’t have any other men in the house.

Are you already known to SS?
Is your ex ?

You can make contact with social services yourself - it might feel better to take that step yourself rather than wait. It generally feels better if you take a bit of control.

You should also speak to Women's Aid and think about doing the Freedom Programme. They'll give you support and it's good to show you're engaging.

You are currently not keeping your child safe and that is what SS care about. You are currently in a position where you are unable to prioritise their wellbeing and therefore they may choose to remove a child until they feel that child is safe. THAT is what matters here. You need support to remove yourself from this situation because at the moment you clearly are unable to do that on your own

Some relationships are just toxic. You are both not in control of yourselves and resort to violence when angry. You need to stop drinking as it appears to be a contributing factor to your violence. And leave him as you need to work on your own volatility and aggression without having to suffer under his. Have you always reacted the way you did this time or is getting drunk and throwing things something that's new for you? It's good that you both recognise the toxic nature of your union.

Please take control of your life and that of your child before SS does.

You are a parent now, taking turns to mind the baby and getting drunk shouldn't be happening. You child deserves better. Only you can make it better, no one else.

There is help out there, ask for it, and ask for it again & again to establish a safe and happy life for your child.

SS will support you through this but you need to work with them, not against them. They can ( And do) take children away into foster care to keep them safe. Is that what you want for your child?

What will it take for you to sort your life out?

Maybe having your DD taken away from you by social services? Being kicked out of your accmomodation?

Because that's where you are headed, quite frankly, because you are not ensuring a safe environment for her and that is ALL that matters. Your concern about SS - is it about how that will reflect on you, or is it about your DD?

I'm sorry if that sounds blunt but you've had many threads over the last six months about this completely fucked up relationship. People have spent huge amounts of time giving you really good advice. Yet time after time you ignore everyone and just carry on regardless. Why should people continue to post help when you throw it back in their face or your behaviour suggests you couldn't give a shit really?

This could be your last chance to sort this fucking mess out and if you can't bloody do it for you, do it for your daughter. I suggest you re-read every thread you've had about this toxic situation to which you contribute by remaining part of it, and all the advice you've been given and bloody do it.

A family member had a letter from SOcial services informing her that they would be visiting on such and such a day at such and such a time. They had already done checks with the child's nursery and HV and police and hadn't deemed the contact to be urgent urgent. The abuser was being charged with full cooperation from the mother. I have also known people in similar situations to be visited within a very short time after police have been involved without any notice.
I would imagine that having an open wound which needed medical attention, the fact that you haven't agreed with your bf being charged for this assault, and your living situation may mean they will visit fairly quickly without notice

I doubt this will be a quick phone call and close from what you've said.

Exactly what Shatners Wig said.

I agree with @ShatnersWig entirely.

Social Services will want to investigate whether you have any intentions of putting your child in harms way. It's their duty to ensure the safety of your child. Going back to your abusive partner because you are lonely will not look good in any way and would say to them you value the relationship more than you value you safety of your child, particularly in light of a physical altercation which took place in front of your child.

You must take this seriously. Social services and domestic abuse charities can work wonders and will help you extract yourself from this horribly toxic relationship. But you must be prepared to leave this man for good. Social services will be looking and checking to see whether you do this and if you don't, they will investigate further and highlight the danger you could be placing your child in. What happens from that is anyone's guess - at best you'll be put on a list and have intervention and help from them, at worst your child will be taken away from you. It happens, and could happen to you.

I would make that initial contact with them, if you are worried about them turning up unannounced. Be aware though they can do it when they want and how they want. It sounds as if you want to know when it'll happen because you want to stay with this man in spite of the abuse and don't want them to find out. They will find out.

I am not staying with him. Me and him have split up. I have called social services today myself. The report hadn't yet been made but I told them everything. They said it's best to speak to him through a third party regarding my child. Which I will do. They've asked me questions. They're now checking f with police, health visitors and stuff. And will call me tomorrow. My child is my world and I'm petrified for her to get taken away from me. It's all so much for me to handle and I'm extremely anxious. But I love my child more than anything and anyone and really do appreciate all do the advice and support.

If she is your world, why on earth did you out her at risk again.

If she is your world, why would you put her at risk so you felt less lonely?

Why would you leave her in the care of an abuser so you can get drunk? Knowing how these things end between you.

You say she is your world but lots of things are far more important to you than her.

You need to keep stopping pretending. Because this is how you end up going back. You need to recognise that when it comes down to it you put your wants above her needs and figure out why you do that.

@mamapart that's excellent news. You really need assistance to stay away from this guy and you're asking for assistance so that's great. Please please please look into finding a support group. You need to be around other mums and get some better relationships in place in your life. It will make it much easier to stay away from this guy x

Well done, OP, good step, and taking control of things. The SS will work with you if you engage with them and keep him out.

OP I can’t stress this enough
Do not do this again
My parents did this all my life
I should have had social services on our back but it was all behind closed doors and we suffered so so much.

Stop it. Forever