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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Am I overreacting

32 replies

Minaadris · 30/09/2019 00:58

Hi all, I'll get straight to the point.

My dh commented on an image of a female yesterday who was very muscular but he has this habit of always mentioning their asses. He goes. "I see muscle but no ass 🧐🤨"

My question is why must he always talk about those features. So openly I found that disrespectful. But I let it go. Because I can tell hes looking for her Ass

Then today there was another fb post that said everyone drop a picture of yourself and let people guess your age.

A women posted a full body pic and he goes to proceed and comment "I see bare ass but no face " everyone else is guessing her age except him.

Then she tags him in a very revealing pic of her breast and he goes "nice but you should remove your pictures as their are thirsty men here" like TF.

he has been commenting on females ass since we started dating 6 years ago and now it's just pure disrespect and he doesnt want to acknowledge it. How would he like it if I kept on commenting on not seeing a guys "d*ck" and how good he looks.

Am i being irrational.

OP posts:
BitOfFun · 30/09/2019 01:39

If you have to ask, the answer is generally No.

Aquamarine1029 · 30/09/2019 01:47

I'm wondering why you've wasted 6 years of your life with such an obvious, tiresome twat.

Monty27 · 30/09/2019 01:50

Yes yabr

Original poster
Minaadris · 30/09/2019 02:00

He said how "since it seems to be a big deal for you I'm going to apologise for what I did and I wont do it again" isit a sincere apology. He still doesnt see where I'm coming from.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 30/09/2019 03:00

Why are you still giving a fuck of he "sees where you're coming from." He's an arsehole who clearly doesn't care how shit he makes you feel. Stop wasting your time.

Peakypolly · 30/09/2019 03:24

he has been commenting on females ass since we started dating 6 years ago and you married him knowing that.
It would be a deal breaker in a relationship for me, but obviously it wasn’t for you, so what has changed now that you react unhappily? I guess the change in your point of view could be seen as irrational.

Original poster
Minaadris · 30/09/2019 03:35

@peekypolly I guess I was hoping he was going to change sigh... it's been awhile since hes done it but hes back to it again

OP posts:
LuckyLou7 · 30/09/2019 03:40

He sounds like a right creep. Has he got any good points? Enough to outweigh this seedy, sleazy, sordid side of him?

Lovemydaughterx · 30/09/2019 03:41

I left my ex of 3 years for a similar reason. He apologised but “couldn’t remember doing it for the whole of our relationship” 🤨

Original poster
Minaadris · 30/09/2019 03:42

@luckylou7 lol no he does it because hes just saying what's on his mind and I'm overreacting

OP posts:
Original poster
Minaadris · 30/09/2019 03:43

@lovemydaughterx I wish I had your strength I wouldve left time ago for all the bullshit he has put me through and done but yet I'm still here crying I cant seem to get myself up to leave.

OP posts:
sofato5miles · 30/09/2019 03:48

Do you have children?

cheeseandpickle247 · 30/09/2019 03:50

He sounds strange tbh

Original poster
Minaadris · 30/09/2019 03:50

@sofato5miles I have a 19month old son

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 30/09/2019 03:58

I have a 19month old son

And this is the example of how a man should treat his partner that you want your son to learn? You want your son growing up with an abused, miserable mother? Stop using your son as an excuse to stay with this shithead.

sofato5miles · 30/09/2019 04:25

What are your options, realistically

donethinkin · 30/09/2019 04:42

Gross. How can you stand to be with him?!! He’s immature and sexist and disgusting. Get rid of him. Let him go drool over women’s arses when he wants.

Shoxfordian · 30/09/2019 05:46

Ugh
Why are you wasting your time with him? He's disgusting

Original poster
Minaadris · 30/09/2019 07:50

His mum has this way of making me feel stupid for reacting this way I do when her son does things like this. He watches porn so much that it nearly ruined our relationship. To them it's okay and not a big deal "because everyone does it" but she doesnt see how its affecting our sex life. He goes to porn first then will decide if he wants to have sex with me or just masterbate a majority of the time it's the second option. Hes so addicted wherever he goes even work hes watching porn...

There has been so many times hes emotionally and nearly physically abused me. And I'm still here. Hes definitely verbally done so too. Everytime I feel like ending the relationship he would make me feel dumb about my choices and not accept the break up.

I once thought I was one of them strong girls who could leave a bad toxic relationship, I would be that type of girl who would have never accepted this sort of relationships if my friends or family where init. I'd advice them to get out. But now. Now I'm stuck and weak.

When we argue he feels like I'm challenging him and he start playing blame games and getting angry and defensive over minor things. Like yesterday morning he said he had enough of working doubles and will only take day time shifts. I said babe I've been telling you since you started that job you shouldve taken the morning shift.
Then he goes "you wasnt complaining when you was getting that money" ...........

That wasnt the point and I let him know that his health meant more to me than money. We can never come to a mutual understanding and compromise. He belittles me, everything is my fault after hes said so much hurtful words. He apologises and if I dont accept the apology he gets upset and walks away......

He says hes changing and apologised for being toxic but this is after he has completely damaged me.

Ladies and gentlemen is sexting cheating. I caught him on his bday night sexting women online and it has been going on for 5 months. He sees it as minor and not cheating.

I'm depressed and in pain but I'm so good at hiding it that now I dont even know if I'm confused about how I'm feeling.

Sometimes I feel like death could be my only escape.

OP posts:
Original poster
Minaadris · 30/09/2019 08:21

Just recently he started to give me money n tell me to buy things for myself. And hes claiming hes changing. He can be a good person because hes not all bad. I don't know. What if I'm being ungrateful. I dont really care for money I've never been materialistic and I have my own money, so never depended on him. He stayed out of work for 8 months and ate off my income. Lord I dont know am i being ungrateful

OP posts:
Witchofthenorth · 30/09/2019 08:49

Get the fuck out of that relationship, it's not healthy.

usarae · 30/09/2019 09:31

Run away! Run away now. Porn? Sexting? Misogynistic behavior? Controlling and emotionally abusive behavior? No. This is not normal. Nor is it acceptable in any way. Stop the cycle now and get your little boy away from him. Your son should not learn that any of this is healthy or normal behavior in a relationship. It is not acceptable to objectify women and comment on their bodies - especially when you are in a committed relationship. Your son should not grow up thinking that this is how men are. Holy crap, that sounds like a living nightmare.

hellsbellsmelons · 30/09/2019 10:05

OMG OP.
Read back your posts.
You know what advice you would give to someone else.
Your some will grow up like this if you stay.
Get him away from this porn addicted, misogynistic asshole as fast as you can.
He has no respect at all for you or any women.
That's to his apologist mother!
He will NOT change.
You've waiting 6 years for it to happen and it hasn't.
And it won't.
Time to cut your loses.
He's a creepy, icky, man.

hellsbellsmelons · 30/09/2019 10:09

Your SON!
Not your some!!!!

He sees it as minor and not cheating
Of course that's how he sees it.
RUN OP - THE HILLS ARE THAT WAY >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Do not delay.
This is ruining you, your self-esteem, your mental health and most importantly - YOUR SON!
GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT!!!!!!!!

MashedSpud · 30/09/2019 10:15

Get rid.

He’s a terrible influence for your dc.

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