Is This Love?

[Anonymoussue]

I've been seeing someone for 2 years. We met online. They are married and committed to staying with their spouse. I am divorced and not looking for a serious relationship. I'm head over heels in love and have told them this, but they say they love their spouse and not me. They tell me how much they like me and how amazing they think I am often; we text every day but don't see each other that much because we both have family commitments. We have only managed to meet up 5 times but when we do, it is always the best sex I've ever had and I really feel we have a strong and deep connection.

I know we have a casual situation, but I am thinking of ending it if they are never going to love me because something about it just seems so pointless and it hurts. Sometimes I think they must love me, but will never say it out of loyalty to their spouse. And probably they are worried because I'm single so they think I'll want them to leave their marriage, even though I have made it clear I don't want that and it would never be the case. I know nobody can possibly really know the answer to this. I just wanted to write it down and get some opinions. Thanks

No sorry.

It's not love on their part. At least they are being honest with you but think of that persons spouse. Walk away , stop being used and have some respect for you and their spouse.

If you have managed to fit in 5 shags in 2 years, you are very low on his list of priorities. Very low.

They don’t love you, they are using you. I have been there (although in my case he claimed to love me, but the way he treated me clearly he didn’t). If it hurts now it is only going to get worse. Get out while you can.

You've wasted two years on a non-relationship.
They're a penpal, more than a lover.
Plus they're betraying their spouse in a really shitty way.
And they've told you it's not love.

So really, you've got to ask yourself - what is it about this situation that keeps you there? Are you scared of a proper relationship?

Pull up your big girl pants and tell him to fk off. Find yourself someone single.

I don’t think you can love anyone you’ve only met 5 times. My dh and I spent 5 nights a week together from the moment we started dating and I didn’t know I loved him until we had been together about 4 months!

It is not love.

You are being used and manipulated.

And what you're feeling is not love either.

You've only met 5 times in 2 years??

Come on. Don't be an idiot here. You're a very, very low priority OW.

They are married and committed to staying with their spouse.

You are just a booty call

I'm head over heels in love and have told them this, but they say they love their spouse and not me.

You barely know him! Read your own words- he loves someone else.

You're a side chick. They don't love you. They seem to have little actual interest in you. You're a distraction if and when they need it.

Get some self respect and stop fucking someone else's man.

I've been seeing someone for 2 years

No, you haven't.
You've been a very very casual object of this person's marital indiscretions.

To be fair, he's been upfront with you. An absolute shit to his wife though.

Why would you want to be with a known liar? Who clearly doesn't respect you? And who is too fucking weak to be faithful ( or leave) his wife?

Stop trying to conflate his lack of decency with a sense of loyalty. He doesn't say he loves you because he doesn't love you. It has nothing to do with being a good partner.
Honest.

You can do better than this. I promise you that you can.

You've met 5 times in 2 years? How can you know him properly? How can you be sure he is who he says he is? How can you be sure you're his only bit on the side?
Nah, get rid and get someone who is worthy of your attention.

If he loved you he would tell you. It really isn't more complicated than that.

Ps. Do stop having sex with another woman's husband, it's very unseemly.

He's probably been to the dentist more times than he's been with you!

Avoid married men in the future and go and find someone you deserve.

He’s been perfectly plain with you - he’s not in love with you. And his actions (5 dates in 2 years) bear that out. It’s difficult to imagine anyone on here being able to give you a ray of hope, OP.

I'm having an affair, both married and both with families and we see each other about 5 times a month.

What you have is going nowhere, he's not making time for you, you are not a priority and he's clear that he is love with his wife.

His honesty is admirable but listen to what he is telling you and leave.

You are nothing but a bit on the side & a bit of excitement & he has made this clear by stating wants to stay with wife.

You've met up 5 times in 2 years for leg over & you think he loves you?

Are you fucking deluded?

I’m sorry but no. End it now and with a bit of luck you avoid the shitstorm when his spouse finds out.
It’s not love. You’re his bit on the aide. You deserve better x

Agree with the others. You're a very low priority, very casual bit on the side. That's all.

I'd advise you to have some self respect and end this.

I am not sure how you can say that you love this person after only meeting up a few times,and because he loves his wife. I suppose you are being used, or just a side kick really. It's foolish to be hanging around like this, when you really do know the score.

A man I know is in the exact same situation as the man you are talking about. He is seeing a "bit on the side" a few times a year for sex, whilst still loving his wife.

He has also been propositioning me for sex and describes the lady he is having sex with as "no-one important". He is AMAZING at making women think he may love them. This is so he gets sex.

After seeing the way men like this behave, not only will I not be sleeping with him, I can also no longer bring myself to be his friend.

Women and sex are NOTHING to men like this. It is literally like them using women for a wank. There is no more to it than that.

Please, for your own self respect and sexual health, leave this man in your past. I can quite see why you believe you love him. Men like this know exactly what you want to hear to keep being there for them. To you it feels like love. To him it's an ego boost, sex and a game.

Pity his wife and run for the hills. You can do so much better.

All sounds rather pointless tbh. Why are you even bothered if he 'loves you' if you're saying you aren't wanting him to leave his wife? It sounds more like you're hoping he'll boost your ego with the pick me dance, and it flatters you that he says all the nice things and texts you to fill up a void on a daily basis. It's not a relationship its a very vague text/fuck buddy situation. End it now work on your self-esteem, and find a better way to fill your spare time than being glued to your phone for meaningless texts.