Is This Love?

[Anonymoussue]

I've been seeing someone for 2 years. We met online. They are married and committed to staying with their spouse. I am divorced and not looking for a serious relationship. I'm head over heels in love and have told them this, but they say they love their spouse and not me. They tell me how much they like me and how amazing they think I am often; we text every day but don't see each other that much because we both have family commitments. We have only managed to meet up 5 times but when we do, it is always the best sex I've ever had and I really feel we have a strong and deep connection.

I know we have a casual situation, but I am thinking of ending it if they are never going to love me because something about it just seems so pointless and it hurts. Sometimes I think they must love me, but will never say it out of loyalty to their spouse. And probably they are worried because I'm single so they think I'll want them to leave their marriage, even though I have made it clear I don't want that and it would never be the case. I know nobody can possibly really know the answer to this. I just wanted to write it down and get some opinions. Thanks

His honesty is admirable but listen to what he is telling you and leave

Although, on reflection it is probably more about him managing the situation than about him being honest for the OPs sake

His honesty is admirable but listen to what he is telling you and leave.

Honestly ? Irony.

He's cheating, there is no honesty he's managing her.

Wow, you've spent 2 years on this 'relationship' and only met up 5 times? What a waste of your time, and of course that's not love. Move on to the next.

Get out.
He doesn’t love you. Doesn’t love his wife either if he’s sleeping with you and texting you everyday.
Don’t waste your time ‘loving’ a man that has such little respect for women.

No, he/she does not love you. He/she is making a fool of you (and his/her spouse). What a gem.

End it and don't waste any more of your time

Stop wasting your time and find someone to have a real relationship with. He's using you for casual sex and lying to his wife. Some catch!

This isn't love. You've met up 5 times. You're both pretty much strangers.
What do you expect to happen say another year or two or 5 from now?

Have you dated any others during this time?

It boils down to self respect, not feelings of 'love'. Why settle for a very casual arrangement with a married man. If he left his wife for you, it would create a vacancy and you would always be wondering if he was on the internet searching for his next conquest. This is all a fantasy in your head set off because you haven't dealt with the day-to-day life on this man. You are fixated on a version of the man that probably doesn't exist in reality. You are perhaps not his only mistress. You have had a very limited number of sexual dates with him and the new partner honeymoon feelings will be there. If you slept with him every night for 20 years, it wouldn't be so amazing.

I don't know why I'm sharing this, but my mother was the product of my grandmothers affair with a married man, which lasted about 18 years with her no doubt hoping he'd leave his wife ( and 5 kids). He never did, and it seems gran wasn't his only extra marital. Thankfully she eventually faced facts, cut off contact, moved away and met another, nicer man whom I was proud to call my grandfather. I learnt early on to never ever mention " biological " grandfather as it would provoke nuclear level anger from my gran. The fallout also wasn't good for biological grandfathers wife and children, who were aware.

I’m assuming the married person is female due to the use of “they” in the original post.

If this is your first same sex relationship then it’s going feel painful but end things with her and find someone who isn’t deceiving their husband and kids.

You deserve more.

You are his "go to" bit on the side. Sorry, but that's how I see it.

Sorry if I missed the pronoun thing. It all still applies, plus it feels even more depressing and disrespectful, more like being used (I'm bi myself so can imagine how you must- or at least 'should'- feel.)