Advice needed divorcing with 2 kids 1 disabled

[DLAMum1]

Where to start!! I'm separating from my husband. We have two kids, the youngest being severely disabled. I also recently lost my dad and am about to inherit.

Since we made the decision to split, my husband has been argumentative, aggressive and very dictatorial with our negotiations. Accusing me of not thinking of the kids when agreeing his access. My boys are 7 and 3.

With my dads house about to sell, the contents need to be cleared and my husband made a list of everything he wants from either our family home or from my dads. He keeps wanting me to write down what I'm prepared to 'let him have'!! Which I wont do.

With regards to finances, he wants 3/4 of the equity in the house, or he will go after my dads inheritance. He only then intends to pay maintainance as per government calculator. My inheritance will barely cover the mortgage left....which is substantially higher than my salary as I am part time due to my sons child care needs. My husband is full time with reasonable salary.

He is intentionally trying to catch me out. Accusing me of being unreasonable and 'not thinking of the kids' because I wont agree to us asking our 7yo what he wants!

As my husband doesn't drive and has always refused to learn, I manage and attend all my sons appointments, with specialists etc. I also take my other son to all his after school activities. If my husband attends I have to get them ready and drop them both off and pick up. My husband has now declared his intention to learn to drive, and expects his settlement to include the money to pay for his lessons!!

If I give him what he wants I wont have the salary or the capital to cover the mortgage on the house. Let alone the finances to cover the major works required to sort the problems with the house.

I realise as I'm due to inherit he is intitled to a lump sum but nowhere near what hes asking for. Is it worth carrying on the discussions or should I just stop everything and insist on mediation and solicitors? Oh...he hasn't moved out yet and is dragging his heels finding a place.

Why does he get stuff from YOUR dad’s place? Is he mentioned directly in the will? He can get to fuck until the divorce is finalized.

should I just stop everything and insist on mediation and solicitors?

Yes!

Unfortunately you are still married so he is legally entitled to half your dads house. You will need to compromise on this.

have this thread moved to legal.
recent similar posts seem to suggest that even though you are still married, inheritance is NOT a joint asset.

Unfortunately you are still married so he is legally entitled to half your dads house. You will need to compromise on this.

Not true! OP please do not make any sections based on uneducated nonsense.

Get this moved to legal and get sound and professional advice in RL as well.

What he's demanding doesn't sound right or fair to me. So yes, time for a solicitor.

As per pp, I think you can keep your inheritance out of it.

Solicitor. Now.

SOLICITOR IMMEDIATELY!!!!

Mine tried the same trick and was furious l got a solicitor as it meant he couldn't bully me into ending up with what he deemed fair....

Also, sorry for your loss .

My solicitor has confirmed the inheritance is 'non-marital' assets. Also husband inherited from his grandfather during the marriage and kept it. I had no say in how it was spent.

I also dont trust him to not try and force more (with kids) afterwards, just to be spiteful.

Sorry he's such a grasping shit, as well. Take a strong line and don't negotiate with him yourself any more. He's greedy.

Yes legal advice
Nothing from your dad and splitting the house at minimum 50/50 in your favour

It has to be done that route

I can see why you're divorcing him. He is horrible. You have to attend mediation now anyway, unless there is abuse involved, and getting divorced without a solicitor when the situation is difficult is honestly madness. Get a good lawyer, my lovely, and protect yourself and your children.

Im sorry for the loss of your dad

You definitely need to get s solicitor to ensure that you get the right amount of money for the children ongoing. The fact he can’t drive and that you do all the dropping off is relevant.

There's never been a plainer example of a desperate need for good legal advice. Do not even discuss until you have it. Please.

Get legal advice asap and let your Solicitor deal with him. Given how adversarial and money grubbing he already is, I doubt that mediation would at all go well.

Just been through the same OP. Ex was demanding so much and it wasn't until I got a shit hot solicitor that I realised I had many rights as I was keeping the kids.
Get a solicitor, a good one! Google Stowe Family Law.

During divorce people come out with the most amazing crap as to what they believe they are and are not entitled to, often informed by forums such as this and mates down the pub - the sad ones who lost everything in a divorce. Go see a solicitor. There are many things such as your dad's house which are black and white (they are not part of the marriage settlement) and others - ownership of the goldfish - which are up for discussion or (for most divorces) arbitrary assignment e.g. does anyone really want all the back copies of readers digest... these types of things usually end up being sorted by each partner being asked to list things they really really want and then seeing what's left. It's easy to become petty to spite the other side but it's also a great opportunity to shed a load of crap. Your Husband is just using his knowledge of you (scared of his aggression, a likelihood to back down) to push you into agreeing something that is actually not right. Decent solicitor (make sure it's not someone who specialises in something other than divorce) = decent result. In the right circumstances, I think both parties should be able to walk away with some dignity and the ability to start afresh. If only it worked that way...

It sounds so logical....and I wish he'd be reasonable. There is very little that I definitely want. I want to be able to keep the house as we only moved in a year ago and oldest son had to change school, and this was just when my dad died. He didnt cope very well and is still missing his grandad. Ongoing financials need only be as per Gov.com calculator. I'm ok carrying on dealing with sons appointments and after school activities, which he has never helped with. Open access via phone both ways. Alternate weekends with one evening in the week directly from school, but not overnight. I just dont want him thinking he can turning up out of the blue.

I divorced recently and my inheritance was not included. Definitely worth challenging.

Well....things are deteriorating fast. Husband (h) decided to eat out and said he would call at 18.45 to say goodnight to the boys. He called early by 5 mins and oldest was just getting out of bath and thought it would be funny to run off upstairs and didnt came back. I told h and said do you want me to get him and call right back? He went off about it. I'm dressing the little one who while I was dealing with h decided to pee on the sofa!! So put phone down and leave him. Still no sign of first child! I start shouting for oldest to come down stairs and speak to his dad. When h has finally spoken to oldest he gets passed back to me so he can tell me hes telling oldest (7yo) that we are splitting up on Saturday, with or without me as he feels son needs to know. He still has nowhere to move to, access hasn't been agreed and he thinks it's ok to drop a bomb on our 7yo and I'm not being reasonable!! Seeing my solicitor on Monday.

Hes a selfish, thoughtless tosser - but at least this behaviour is showing you who he really is. You dont have to always do what he says. If he calls when it isnt convenient, dont answer, or tell him you'll call him back.

Make sure you are with exH when h3 tells the boys you are splitting up. As long as you are calm and collected, your boys will understand that you are their safe place, and it will be ok.

Managed to talk him down....after getting family involved. He couldn't ignore 40 years experience with primary age kids.
Social worker just left after h emphasised he wants to know what he can get on his new home (which he hasn't found etc). I used to tell him of all appointments but he barely listerned. The SW mentioned sons annual statementing review, he makes a massive deal about not knowing about it!!! I'd mentioned it, but obviously either wasnt listening or conveniently forget!! Had nothing to do with son statementing appointments but now wants to be at this annual review which we dont have to attend unless we want to!! Hes also told the social worker he wants 50:50 custody!! This man doesn't drive and has no way of getting kids to clubs or appointments unless they are local which most aren't!! If he has them kids will lose out on their activities....how is this him considering his kids!! I suspect it is as much about maintainance payments as it is seeing the kid. Which is ridiculous as he works full time and would have to reduce his hours as working from home wouldn't be appropriate for youngest! Very frustrated!!!!

Your stbxh is a grade a shit. I haven't much advice, apart from listen to the wise women on here and talk to your friends and family in real life, they will be there for you xx

What a wanker, tosser, twat, first class idiot, ... take your pick

Instruct your solicitor to file for divorce citing his unreasonable behaviour and start negotiations for the division of the equity in the marital home at 80/20 in your favour as you will remain primary carer for your dc who will have contact with your stbxh every other weekend, one night in the week, and shared holidays,

I wouldn't settle for less than 70/30 and if he attempts to berate, browbeat, or otherwise harangue you, go grey rock and tell him to