Advice needed divorcing with 2 kids 1 disabled

[DLAMum1]

Where to start!! I'm separating from my husband. We have two kids, the youngest being severely disabled. I also recently lost my dad and am about to inherit.

Since we made the decision to split, my husband has been argumentative, aggressive and very dictatorial with our negotiations. Accusing me of not thinking of the kids when agreeing his access. My boys are 7 and 3.

With my dads house about to sell, the contents need to be cleared and my husband made a list of everything he wants from either our family home or from my dads. He keeps wanting me to write down what I'm prepared to 'let him have'!! Which I wont do.

With regards to finances, he wants 3/4 of the equity in the house, or he will go after my dads inheritance. He only then intends to pay maintainance as per government calculator. My inheritance will barely cover the mortgage left....which is substantially higher than my salary as I am part time due to my sons child care needs. My husband is full time with reasonable salary.

He is intentionally trying to catch me out. Accusing me of being unreasonable and 'not thinking of the kids' because I wont agree to us asking our 7yo what he wants!

As my husband doesn't drive and has always refused to learn, I manage and attend all my sons appointments, with specialists etc. I also take my other son to all his after school activities. If my husband attends I have to get them ready and drop them both off and pick up. My husband has now declared his intention to learn to drive, and expects his settlement to include the money to pay for his lessons!!

If I give him what he wants I wont have the salary or the capital to cover the mortgage on the house. Let alone the finances to cover the major works required to sort the problems with the house.

I realise as I'm due to inherit he is intitled to a lump sum but nowhere near what hes asking for. Is it worth carrying on the discussions or should I just stop everything and insist on mediation and solicitors? Oh...he hasn't moved out yet and is dragging his heels finding a place.

tell him to take his issues up with his solicitor.

Thanks for advice...solicitor has been instructed.
Stbxh had kids friday (still lives in same house) so I could go out with friends. I got home 11.15 to find he'd locked me out!! Left his keys in door so couldn't open from outside. Took 45 mins and copious calls before he appeared...walked past me knocking on the door, turned back upstairs before coming back to let me in. Called 101 and reported incident. No idea what hes thinking as toting up examples of worrying behaviour!

What a cunt! Do you think it was deliberate, or a genuinely dumb forgetful act? Either, make sure you have a back up plan for future (back door key? Cab number and someone to go to so you're safe) in case he does it again.
And war face on, make it as uncomfortable as possible in the house for him - no cooking, no washing, make him deal with dcs 50/50 even if he has to fork out (from his own money) for taxis to activities etc... Don't look after him anymore, he is not your friend.

Either he got drunk and didnt realise or deliberate. neither is good as he was responsible for our kids!! My dads house was round the corner so could have gone there. Wont always be an option but will take advise and have back up plan. Xx

I'm glad you reported this incident which I have no doubt was a deliberate act on his part.

Should he repeat this stunt or commit other acts that are designed to put you in your place inconvenience you, instruct your solicitor to make an emergency ex parte application for an occupation order which will compel him to leave the marital home while you remain in residence with your dc.

Ex parte means that the other party is not made aware of the application and when the order is served on them they are notified of a date, usually within 28 days of the date of the order, for a full hearing of the matter at which time they can contest it if they so wish.

You may also need to give thought to ex parte applications for residence and non-molestation orders. Is your solicitor hard hitting and/or experienced in domestic abuse?

As scarletslass has said, withdraw all services and don't facilitate him in any way. If possible move into a spare room or into one of your dc's rooms so that you can live as separately from him.

Mediation is not recommended where one party is abusing the other, but if you are minded to attempt it ask for shuttle mediation where you will be seated in separate rooms while the mediator goes back and forth, and ask for a mediator who is not conflict averse otherwise you'll go round in circles for evermore - and rack up a large bill for the privilege.

Your h is bullying and intimidating you in order to gain the grandiose sums he believes he's entitled to, and the sooner he's put in his place disabused of this notion the better it will be for you and your dc.

If he should kick off and give you cause to believe that he will damage property or become violent to you/the dc, please don't hesitate to call the police and ask for him to be removed from your home