confused, was i being a drama queen all along?

[dramallama2]

I have thought for the past year that i have been in an emotional abusive relationship, He was accusing me of cheating all day every day, controlling me etc etc.
If i tried to leave threats of suicide, violent outbursts at neighbours/strangers for no reason.
I have took him to mental health access team a few times and they finally referred him to a psychiatrist.
He has been seeing the psychiatrist for a few months now, they are going through diagnosing him with what they think is multiple personality disorders.
They prescribed him aripiprazole and he has actually started 'improving'.
When i say improving i mean he's just not being as verbal to me so rather than saying out loud his thoughts he's learning to control them and dismiss the thoughts he's having.
Although still at least once a day he will say something derogatory to me and make me feel shit.
But he will say 'i'm getting better though', i hardly say anything anymore.
Yet i will wear a dress and he will say 'why are you half naked' and not say anything when i get changed.
When i say do you not want to be with me because your pushing me away he says something like i do want to be with you but i'm sick of sharing you!
I'm going insane i feel like he's changed a lot the past 2 weeks he has improved with not saying as much to me and his psychiatrist says that i'm very supportive and not going anywhere so that makes me feel bad.
I don't know what i want from this post to be honest just a listening ear i suppose.

He will continue to destroy you and your mental health from the inside out if you remain with this individual.

Can you get joint and single
Counselling for you too? It’s hard to be in a relationship like that ... it depends how far
He has pushed you to
See if your relationship
Can survive .. it’s not just about improving it’s about realising what has happened and apologising when he slips
Up not his fault he has mental
Issues but should he not acknowledge the impact

Do you have anything left to
Invest in this? X

Joint counselling with abusive people is a non starter and is never recommended where there is abuse of any type within the relationship.
There is nothing to rescue and or save here, you can only help your own self ultimately.

Just because he’s finally getting help, it doesn’t mean you have to stick around for more abuse! Get yourself out of there!!

Minimising his derogatory behaviour is not ok.

I am unsure why you want to stay with someone that routinely insults you and knocks your confidence.

His "getting better" doesn't mean you have to stay.

He is not your problem to fix, despite what you have been led to believe.

In your shoes, I'd be gone.

Just because you know why he’s abusive doesn’t mean you have to continue to be abused.

Is a temporary separation possible?

"When i say improving i mean he's just not being as verbal to me so rather than saying out loud his thoughts he's learning to control them and dismiss the thoughts he's having."
Are you sure that is what is happening? If he was suffering from paranoid delusions and he is now taking anti-psychotic medication, it doesn't mean he is having the unwanted thoughts and learning to dismiss them. It may well be that he is no longer having those thoughts.

My family member suffered a psychotic breakdown due to severe depression and sleep deprivation. He experienced hearing voices (different ones saying mainly innocuous things) felt he was being watched and followed and bugged by 'the authorities'. Within 4 days of being on Aripiprazole, the voices went away. The paranoia took a little bit longer.

This happened to him 'out of the blue' probably brought on by a number of deaths of family and friends.

What was your partner like prior to the past year? Has he always been extremely jealous?

It is very hard to cope with the mental ill-health of someone close. If his behaviour has only become bad over the last year or so, it may be rectified by treatment. If he was always a nasty type then treatment might not resolve all his issues.

I suppose you need to decide whether you want to stick by him through his treatment. If you do decide not to, don't feel guilty. You sound like you have coped with a lot this past year.

It won't change. A guy I was with was exactly the same. Heard voices. If I'd had 1% of the sex he thought I was having with everyone else, I'd not have been able to walk.

The final straw was him accessing my workplace on the receptionist's day off and hiding under the desk. Determined to catch me in an all in orgy.

I'd suggest leaving.

@ Newmumma83

"Can you get joint and single Counselling for you too?"
In the NHS when someone is experiencing symptoms of psychosis they do not undergo Psychological therapies until those symptoms are treated.

Ime Twatism isn't curable..

@MMadness
Was the guy you were with receiving anti-psychotic meds for hearing voices or was he untreated?

Can you get joint and single Counselling for you too?
NEVER have joint counselling with an abuser.
Conselling for you would be good.
You need to understand why you put with this treatment and why you continue to do so.
You cannot FIX this person.
You cannot RESCUE him.
You need to rescue yourself first.
Get out and get away.
Escape the abuse.
You deserve only the best for your life.
THIS is not it.
RUN!!!! Far and fast.

Him having genuine mental health issues doesn't magically erase the past, nor does it mean you owe it to him to keep trying to make it work, nor tolerate less abuse but still abuse.

It's OK to call it a day. You are being damaged by his behaviour and you do not have to stick it out. You're not his therapist and you're not his emotional punchbag.

His psychiatrist has no business telling him you're not going anywhere. It's a promise he can't and shouldn't make. Don't feel trapped by other people's expectations, they don't have to live with the consequences.

It may be true that the things he says are to some extent not his fault if he is suffering from paranoid delusions.

However, you have to protect yourself and your own mental health. It is not your responsibility to support him unless you want to do so.

Personally I would leave OP. This is a very hard road that you are taking.

So he's not completely shit any more, he's just moderately shit.

You don't have to suffer along with him, OP. He will either get better (although, bear in mind that he will probably never completely recover) or he won't, whether you are with him or not. He can't depend on you for his recovery.

What was he like when you first got together?

Nothing about this says in any way that you were being a drama queen. Quite the opposite to have put up with this for so long. But enough is enough, please get out of this awful relationship now

It's great he's getting help. It's great he's 'improving'. You still don't have to stick around if he makes you feel crap one more time. Or even if he doesn't. You don't owe anyone your life.

So he's controlling, jealous and destroying your self-esteem. Does not really matter that he was worse before, he's not exactly good now, is he?

Leave him. Regardless of what he feels is "making him" abusive towards you.

There's a thread like this every single day. Your boyfriend is a paranoid abusive twat, but you've stayed? Do you want to break up with him? Because there's hundreds of posters on here who will give advice.

Do not have couple counselling with this man. Under any circumstances.

The drugs wont cure the abusive twat, they will simply help mask his behaviour.

Mental health issues do not excuse abuse.

As pp said, you need counselling on your own to find out why you put up with abuse.

When he comments when you wear a dress, the mistake you made was getting changed to please him.

Him telling you he is sick of sharing you means he wants you to cut everyone else out of your life. This isn't just a red flag, it's a huge bloody billboard telling to run like hell.

You are NOT responsible for this man's behaviour. He will never be ok.

we have been together for 8 years, i knew what i was getting myself into and looking back was young and stupid, he smoked weed, got angry and punched doors when he had none, moody if i didn't want sex but how was i to know what a bad relationship looked like when i'd never had a proper boyfriend before.
He only started with extreme jealousy about 2 years ago but it happened gradually, moaning when i was on the phone to friends too long, making me feel guilty going seeing them because i was leaving him alone, then in came the accusation and asking for pictures while out etc.
I'd say before christmas i was delusional and wanted to fix him, still do in a sense but i don't know why?
after christmas and from then on i haven't been happy at all, i'm anxious all the time i do not one bit enjoy going out with him for nice days out, but if i go out with my mum i feel free until i realise i'm looking at my phone every 2 minutes because i'm worried if he's text me i won't text back fast enough and that's not a life,
But that's why i'm confused now because he's stopped doing that and he's acting all calm and i don't know why and i feel like i should feel better but i don't i still don't feel comfortable out with him, i still feel like i'm walking on egg shells but i don't have to do now because he's getting 'better'

I am going to arrange counselling today i've only ever had cbt before is that what i should arrange? i don't know what other therapies i can do

You've invested 8 years, but that's not a good reason to stay. He's abusive, you are clearly unhappy.

Make plans to leave and get your life back. Do you want to be walking on eggshells and minimising his future outbursts as slip-ups for the rest of your life?