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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Dog issues causing continuing problems !

47 replies

Jibberish24 · 24/09/2019 23:34

Sorry for long post!so my partner has a dog, doberman, its 11, I'm not mad on dogs i like cats more, but this dog is not great.
So we are 5 years together, we have a 2yr old, I have 2 teen son's from a previous relationship.
He's always had avoiding type behaviour which I think the dog serves an excuse for.
We were supposed to move in when I was pregnant, he was living with his mum, when dd was born he would go off for hours at a time to see the dog, so he didn't end up moving in, which meant i looked after the kids full time so he could look after his dog,and work (he kept all the money for himself) and Dd woke up hourly for the first 6months so I was a zombie he got a full night sleep every night as he slept at his mum for the dogs sake. The dog stinks, he disagrees with bathing her much, she whines non stop when he leaves, with separation issues, if we leave her alone fir an hour she barks non stop, she is not spayed so bleeds everywhere when on period, so I have to remind him to clean her up, he then thinks I'm nagging, she only listens to him, i made alot of effort with her but she ignores me, he won't rehome her and when we moved in 8months ago the dog is still an issue,he currently walks her every night for 1.5hrs, I reckon he spends most of that time sat in a field on his phone relaxing, we are both full time mature students, we come home, I cook, then he goes to walk the dog, I sort homework, bath time, school stuff the bed time routine involves 1hour of settling dd, I basically am stuck in every night so he can walk the dog. He also sleeps on the sofa, he says it's just habit as he falls asleep there. Sex life only happens if he's already walked the dog and if I instigate, also he spends a lot of time on his phone and has a habit of buying things in secret. My problem is I had a good social life before I met him, I had friends I went out a lot, now I feel like I can't go out because he needs to walk his dog, me nor the kids like the dog, it licks it's bum then licks the floor,it wet farts up the wall, craps in the garden, its blood is on the walls from where it bashes it's crazy long tail or period blood splatters, it smells soo bad. I feel like there's no compromise, I hate living with it's filth and dog hair and nagging him to clean it,he feels bad that we keep her in the utility room but i cant be doing with her yuckiness all over the houss, I feel like his life didn't change since having dd, and mine has become relentless, hard, un-free, anti social, all to fit in with his dog. I tried taking the dog out myself to get out of the house and leave him with chores but the dog goes for other dogs when I've got her, she only listens to my partner, and he just watches tv so I still come back to chores. It's me who pays for her dog beds which she rips up her flea treatment when the dog baught in fleas and bit the kids (partner did not believe his dog had fleas because he didnt see a flea with his own eyes). If i dont buy it he wont. Anyone want a mangey mutt, i never met such an unlikeable dog before!any ideas/thoughts? Would u ask a partner to move out in this situation or am i being unreasonable?sorry for long post!x

OP posts:
Littleruderidinghood · 30/09/2019 00:08

That should read "an idiot".

user1497997754 · 30/09/2019 02:48

Poor dog I feel so sorry for it.......get rid of the man he is a twat

OldWoodenBoxInTheCorner · 30/09/2019 09:05

How on earth did you find your self having babies and living with this man when it was so obvious from the start that he wasn't interested?

Jibberish24 · 30/09/2019 10:59

i used to feel sorry for the dog too so can empathise with other peoples comments, untill id come down stairs and there would be mess to clear up, for example, the dog has cut itself on a branch, this was only clear this morning when there are blood stains over the floor, and on her brand new bed, when i go out later, she will likely chew her tail and put blood everywhere, of course i cant have the dog elsewhere than the utility room, too messy, when we took her out yesterday she was eating cow crap and other animals poop, i cant have her coming in and licking the floor spreading those germs to the children thats not right.
its strange because i grew up with dogs and loved them, so its likely im transferring my pissed off ness with my partner to the dog, but the dog is also not very nice, none of the dogs i had growing up was like this one, my dad doesnt like dogs and he liked the ones we had growing up. i even tried to make myself like her by doing lots of her walks back along, long walks in forests, but she is such a pain and not great with other dogs, ive had other dog walkers come up to me and make negative comments about the dog which only furthers my annoyance, plus makes my car stink. my partner says its her breed, dobermans are known to be stubborn and bolshy and its part of her charm. he says she doesnt smell too bad, but the kids agree she honks awfully. he says philisophically its better to keep her because she wont last much longer (hes said that for 4years now!) ahhhh i cant wait for the day, because then i will see friends in the evenings a couple nights a week, its been so long since i took my boys cinema! life will be better whatever is decided.apologies for typos im getting used to a different keyboard.
also thanks for all your comments, i take on board much of what you re all saying and am thinking carefully on it all.

OP posts:
Kaykay06 · 30/09/2019 11:10

It wet farts up the wall?
I’ve had dogs all my life none have ever done that. It’s also v short haired so minimal hair everywhere, seasons are 1 every 6 months, also never had blood up my walls, also if you get decent flea treatment they don’t just pick up fleas. Use a cheap blanket as a bed. It’s not the dog but I get you just don’t like it. Get rid of your man he sounds awful and he’ll take the dog with him, 2 birds one stone...

ifoundthebread · 30/09/2019 11:28

You think once the dogs gone he's going to step up as a father? Wrong, not going to happen. Dogs eat other animals dirt for the nutrients, my dog rolls in it 🙄 that's what dogs do. You make it sound like the dog hurt itself on purpose to spite you? This dog isn't out to make your life hell, the dog is being a dog that has not been given boundaries and loves with people who do not like it.

Devilrocknroller · 30/09/2019 11:34

Um.... dogs need to be trained in order to walk well and get on with other dogs.... if there’s mess to clean up then it’s his dog and his responsibility to clean the mess. TRAIN the dog to not eat poo.... train your partner to bath the dog!! How do you not see these things are all the responsibility of the owner?! Your dogs growing up we’re probably “good” because your parents trained them properly!

sillysmiles · 30/09/2019 11:41

Honestly neither your nor your partner sound pleasant. I feel sorry for the dog.

rumred · 30/09/2019 12:11

You are being unkind to an animal because it is acting like an animal. I avoid shallow people like you

Littleruderidinghood · 30/09/2019 14:12

Dog chews its tail when you are out and makes a mess when left alone? Sounds like the dog has separation anxiety. I feel so sorry for it living with you who has no empathy for it.

OldWoodenBoxInTheCorner · 30/09/2019 16:26

I have no time for dogs at all but I feel incredibly sad for this one.

It's not being treated well, or cared for properly at all by the humans in its life and it's completely at your mercy.

I know nothing about dogs and even I can tell you that those are not the behaviours of a contented animal who is having its needs met.

Your partner claims to love it and yet it is completely neglected. What a sorry existence this animal has with you both.

OldWoodenBoxInTheCorner · 30/09/2019 16:27

I just can't believe that the humans in this animal's life are just biding their time and waiting for it to die.

That's such a fucking tragedy. Poor dog.

Zaphodsotherhead · 30/09/2019 16:36

She's just being a dog, by the sound of it. Eating pooh, getting fleas, being a pain, it's kind of in her job description.

You don't like her, that's obvious (nobody should be bathing their dog all the time, it won't help the 'doggy' smell and it's bad for her skin), and you seem to want your DP to be somebody he's just never going to be.

You need to leave or get him out. Let him take Ddog back to his mum's and both of them stay there. Neither he nor the dog are going to change.

Annasgirl · 30/09/2019 16:37

I'm with everyone else OP, the dog is not the problem - your "DP" is. And I hate even using the D in this case.

YouJustDoYou · 30/09/2019 16:54

She chews her tail until it bleeds?? That is not right. Agree with pp - your partner is a deadweight fuckwit. This situation can't continue for you.

Purpleartichoke · 30/09/2019 16:54

I am highly skeptical that once the dog is no longer an issue, he will suddenly become a good father and partner. A good father would be very concerned about errant blood, fleas, and dog messes. A good father would be finding a way to spend time with his child. A good father who had to fit in a long dog walk, might break it in two and Bring his child along for part of it. He would get up early to give his dog morning exercise to make the boring day less troublesome and less prone to mischief.

I understand an obligation to a pet acquired before life changed. My own DH had a cat that was an absolute terror. I love cats, but this cat hated me with an unending fury and made me fear for my safety. So DH and I worked together with the veterinarian to come up with a plan. We eventually found a way to keep everyone safe, allow DH to keep his obligation to provide good care and love for his pet, but also not put the cat in a situation that was causing her (and me) great stress. We were able to do that because DH and I are a team. We don’t always agree, but we know we have to work together to make our partnership and our family run smoothly.

ChardonnaysDistantCousin · 30/09/2019 17:00

If d be chewing my tail if I were stuck in a utility room.

That poor dog seems to be bearing the brunt of this mess.

MartiniDry · 30/09/2019 17:01

Your DP and you have been together for 5 years. Your youngest is 2. You moved in together 8 months ago. Your
DPs poor bloody Doberman is ELEVEN YEARS OLD!

So when did you first notice that your DP had a dog? Eight months ago?

No?

No.

Which of you were in DP's life first? Which of you is old aged and confined to a utility room by someone who hates and resents you?

It's not you, is it?

You don't have a dog problem. You don't even have a DP problem. You are the problem. Please either leave or assist your DP and his dog to leave. Either way she will be far happier.

ChardonnaysDistantCousin · 30/09/2019 17:02

The smell and the bathing are red herrings.

OP won’t suddenly grow fond of the dog if she was freshly smelled of doggie conditioner.

Littleruderidinghood · 03/10/2019 18:58

Also FYI if the dog is chewing his/her tail and smells there may be a fungal infection on the dogs skin. I would get this checked out. I personally think this dog is being neglected and its welfare is at risk. I have to say if I knew where you lived I would be calling the warden/RSPCA

Actionhasmagic · 03/10/2019 19:28

Your partner sounds awful and unsupportive. His number 1 priority should be his daughter (and you). He can’t look after this poor dog properly it sounds unhappy and stressed. Your partner is the problem here the dog is an excuse

carly2803 · 03/10/2019 21:30

walk the dog andlook after child at the same time?!

it can be done

the dog isnt the problem - your "partner" is (using that lightly as he sounds useless)! get rid!!

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