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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Dog issues causing continuing problems !

47 replies

Jibberish24 · 24/09/2019 23:34

Sorry for long post!so my partner has a dog, doberman, its 11, I'm not mad on dogs i like cats more, but this dog is not great.
So we are 5 years together, we have a 2yr old, I have 2 teen son's from a previous relationship.
He's always had avoiding type behaviour which I think the dog serves an excuse for.
We were supposed to move in when I was pregnant, he was living with his mum, when dd was born he would go off for hours at a time to see the dog, so he didn't end up moving in, which meant i looked after the kids full time so he could look after his dog,and work (he kept all the money for himself) and Dd woke up hourly for the first 6months so I was a zombie he got a full night sleep every night as he slept at his mum for the dogs sake. The dog stinks, he disagrees with bathing her much, she whines non stop when he leaves, with separation issues, if we leave her alone fir an hour she barks non stop, she is not spayed so bleeds everywhere when on period, so I have to remind him to clean her up, he then thinks I'm nagging, she only listens to him, i made alot of effort with her but she ignores me, he won't rehome her and when we moved in 8months ago the dog is still an issue,he currently walks her every night for 1.5hrs, I reckon he spends most of that time sat in a field on his phone relaxing, we are both full time mature students, we come home, I cook, then he goes to walk the dog, I sort homework, bath time, school stuff the bed time routine involves 1hour of settling dd, I basically am stuck in every night so he can walk the dog. He also sleeps on the sofa, he says it's just habit as he falls asleep there. Sex life only happens if he's already walked the dog and if I instigate, also he spends a lot of time on his phone and has a habit of buying things in secret. My problem is I had a good social life before I met him, I had friends I went out a lot, now I feel like I can't go out because he needs to walk his dog, me nor the kids like the dog, it licks it's bum then licks the floor,it wet farts up the wall, craps in the garden, its blood is on the walls from where it bashes it's crazy long tail or period blood splatters, it smells soo bad. I feel like there's no compromise, I hate living with it's filth and dog hair and nagging him to clean it,he feels bad that we keep her in the utility room but i cant be doing with her yuckiness all over the houss, I feel like his life didn't change since having dd, and mine has become relentless, hard, un-free, anti social, all to fit in with his dog. I tried taking the dog out myself to get out of the house and leave him with chores but the dog goes for other dogs when I've got her, she only listens to my partner, and he just watches tv so I still come back to chores. It's me who pays for her dog beds which she rips up her flea treatment when the dog baught in fleas and bit the kids (partner did not believe his dog had fleas because he didnt see a flea with his own eyes). If i dont buy it he wont. Anyone want a mangey mutt, i never met such an unlikeable dog before!any ideas/thoughts? Would u ask a partner to move out in this situation or am i being unreasonable?sorry for long post!x

OP posts:
MiniPrawn · 24/09/2019 23:40

I don’t think the dog is your biggest problem

The fact this man chose not to move in with you, doesn’t help with the chores, doesn’t want sex, didn’t help with the baby and allows you to pay for everything. That isn’t love, that isn’t even respect. The dog is the blanket for all your problems

It isn’t the dogs fault it smells or leaves blood laying around. A dog of that breed does need lots of exercise and stimulation and if it’s only ever been used to your partner then I’m not surprised it doesn’t have a good bond with you. It probably knows you don’t like it either because they pick up on our senses

The dog isn’t your problem. Your “partner” is

Honeyroar · 24/09/2019 23:42

The poor old dog probably won’t live more than a year or so anyway, but even so you don’t sound even remotely compatible! If he can move out let him. The dog deserves to spend its old age somewhere it’s loved. You sound like you’re a single parent even when he’s there. At least if you split up you’d have the chance of a social life or rest while he had the kids.

Devilrocknroller · 24/09/2019 23:50

The dog is definitely not the problem! He's just your anger outlet; the thing you can blame it all on. Walking a dog for an hour and a half does not automatically mean you don't have sex or he doesn't do the housework - those things don't cancel each other out! My partner and I have a dog that we walk, we come home and cook dinner together (well actually, most nights he cooks) and we have a terrific sex life. As for the separation anxiety, dogs aren't people you have to work with them to help them. The problem is not training the dog it's re-training you DP

scoobydoo1971 · 24/09/2019 23:50

The dog isn't unlikeable, it is the humans that have the problem. The dog has chronic stress issues, and needs rigorous training by someone who cares for it. The dog is elderly if its 11 years old. It will not live too many years more. In the meantime, you have a large dog with a history of aggression in the house with young children. Never leave them unsupervised as that spells disaster. Of course, the mangey mutt you have a problem with is not four-legged. A man who treats his dog badly will also treat you badly. Thinking that getting rid of the dog will fix your domestic bliss is a bit naive. Getting rid of the man and his dog back to his mother might work a bit better. Otherwise the dog would be put to sleep by an animal shelter given the low chance of rehoming an elderly dog with behaviour issues.

MotherofDogs3 · 25/09/2019 00:01

I have 3 very needy and attention seeking dogs who i absolutely adore and deffenatley give more attention to then my partner 😁 that being said our sex life is fine and i do all the house work and my partner still gets some attention other then sex! My partner loves the dogs just as much as i do thank god as i couldnt be with some one who didnt like dogs!! that poor dog is not the issue here im afraid... its you two as a couple!

Musti · 25/09/2019 04:43

Hi op

Look into raw feeding. It really helps with the smell. Commercial dog food has a lot of allergens that can cause a smelly dog.

But don't focus your hatred on the poor dog. It's your OH that is the problem. He is lazy and useless and using his dog as an excuse. Everyone else I know who has dogs including me, manage to walk our dogs and still do childcare, housework and work no problem as well as look after our dogs properly.

1forAll74 · 25/09/2019 04:43

This is all a dreadful situation. You simply do not like the dog, and will always feel the same about it, And can't imagine why you like your partner at all, he just does his own thing all the time.

I just feel so sorry for this dog now, despite how you describe her. But she does seem attached to your partner, which is one good thing.

You can't really ask anyone here what you should do about all these issue. If you feel like you can't live like this anymore,you will surely know what you want to do. But I just remembered that you have children to consider too.

AllModra · 25/09/2019 05:10

Another vote for the partner being the problem, here. The dog wouldn't be half as much hassle if it wasn't for your partner being a shit owner.

Honestly, consider chucking him back out. And whether you continue a relationship albeit in separate homes, or not, you'll all be better off.

He sounds a delight.

Aquamarine1029 · 25/09/2019 05:21

The dog sounds like the bright point in your relationship, honestly. Your partner is a complete fuckwit and yet you're still with him. I fail to see what advise could possibly help you until you acknowledge what a shit relationship you're in. Get rid of him and the dog will follow. Problem solved.

Shoxfordian · 25/09/2019 05:36

Yeah the dog isn't the problem, it's her owner

category12 · 25/09/2019 05:44

Why the fuck did you move him in? He'd already shown how disinterested he was in family life with you. Just a case of you not taking on board who you're dealing with for whatever reason of your own.

Send him back home to mother and catch yourself on.

justilou1 · 25/09/2019 05:50

There is nothing mature about your student apart from his age. Send him and his dog home to mummy. Or send them both to the vet and get them both fixed. He doesn’t pay his way, he doesn’t meet his responsibilities, if you try and get him to, you’re a nag. Fuck that! It would be easier to kick him out and get him to pay maintenance. (And less stinky)

Thatnameistaken · 25/09/2019 06:22

This won't get better once the dog has gone, he just won't have the dog as an excuse, he'll find something else to keep him from having to take any responsibility for anything. The way he is with the dog is more of a symptom of who he is.

KatherineJaneway · 25/09/2019 06:35

It's not the dog. You need to kick your partner out, he sounds completely detached from you, his child and family life in general. He cares more for his dog than you and that is not the fault of the dog!

lancashirelady · 25/09/2019 09:00

A dog only comes into season twice a year, if it is bleeding more frequently than this it needs to see a vet. You say you keep it in the utility room, is this when your partner is at work? If so that will explain why the dog is destroying its bed, its bored, it can hear you but it can't be with you. It whines as again it is shut in a room and can hear you. You mention it bashes its tail against the wall, dogs wag their tails when they are happy. If it is wagging its tail so hard it's breaking the skin against a wall it is probably excited to think it is going to get out of the utility room. Your dislike of the dog is evident and for that reason I think your partner should move out it is the best solution for everyone.

OmniversalsTapdancingTadpole · 25/09/2019 09:08

Why are you with him?

Tooner · 25/09/2019 09:10

It seems he doesn't even care for the poor dog that much either just uses her as an excuse to be a lazy git.

NoSquirrels · 25/09/2019 09:12

Even if you rehomed the dog (which, at 11, would be horrible) then your partner would still be a lazy-ass man-child.

So I’d rehome him.

He doesn’t care about you, love, or your DC.

PinkFluff2 · 25/09/2019 10:06

I feel so sorry for that dog. You keep it in the utility room?!

BrightonRox · 25/09/2019 10:52

Rehome the man, I agree. It isn't the dog that's the problem.

Cath2907 · 25/09/2019 14:24

It's not the dog!! I walk mine for an hour morning and evening. I still manage to look after the kid, cook, clean, work full time and shag my new boyfriend! I also manage to bath the dog weekly to keep the smell down and regularly hoover / dust / change sofa covers etc. to keep the dogs mess under control.
You have a boyfriend problem. Ditch him and he'll take the dog away too :)

LochJessMonster · 25/09/2019 14:30

You are expecting too much from that poor dog. At 11years old she probably only has a year or two left.

Dogs smell, they shed fur and they crap in their garden.
She's too old to be spayed so perhaps gets some dog nappies for when shes in season.

Shes howling because shes kept in the utility room.

Her walks are probably the only good thing in her life right now tbh

PillBox101 · 25/09/2019 17:50

Poor Dog. I'd rehome the 'D'p and keep the dog. Why on earth you moved in with him when he hasn't shown one shred of giving a damn about family life is beyond me. Don't blame the dog for your 'D'p's lack of enthusiasm within the family.

TBH it sound like the dog needs to see a vet to have a good and thorough check up. A dobes general life span is approx 10-12 years so the poor dog probably doesn't have long left anyway.

ISmellBabies · 25/09/2019 18:07

What a lazy useless dog, and I don't mean the poor old doberman. Dog won't last much longer but I bet your useless oh will find any excuse not to bother lifting a finger even when he hasn't got a dog to walk. He's shown you who he is. He's a deadbeat, hanging around for the easy life.

Littleruderidinghood · 30/09/2019 00:07

You simply dont like dogs. I actually feel sorry for the poor thing stuck in the utility room. FYI the dog probably needs a good walk after being trapped in that room.

You're ab idiot for having kids with him. He should be with a dog lover and you should be single or find someone else.

Judging by the tone of your email, I'd be avoiding you and hanging out with my dog too!

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