OH wants to end things after 17 years

[diddles52]

Hi all, i'm looking for some advice, my OH wants to end our marriage after 5 years (we've been together 17 years). We have 2 children 11 and 8. ATM we are still living in the same house keeping things normal as the youngest doesn't know anything. I'm moving out with the children but unsure where to start, benefits? housing? id like to know what benefits ill receive so i know what rent i can afford but cant seem to apply for benefits without housing details. im stuck in a loop, please help.

Why are you and the dc moving out? Surely it makes more sense for him to do so.

Do you rent the family home or own?
Are there pensions, savings to be divided?

Assuming you lived together that entire 17 years, your relationship is 17 years for the purposes of divorce (marriage + preceding cohabitation), which is a long marriage, with young children. That indicates a reasonable financial settlement to you as primary caregiver.

Do you claim child benefit in your own name?
If not, get that sorted first.

Have you spoken with a good family solicitor?

Why are you the one moving? He's the one who wants out. This would be very disruptive for the children.

He should move out!

@PicsInRed we own the home we live in and have lived together for 15 years of our relationship, weve got no savings or the likes to divide.

Thank you

He needs to move out in order to cause the least disruption as possible to the children.

You and the dc should stay in the home then, diddles52.

It's ludicrous for you to move out and start renting on benefits.

He is staying in the house and buying me out, which we have discussed as the home belonged to him grandparents and im happy for that to happen.

Make sure you see a lawyer and get the house valued independently . Divorce is alway amicable until money comes into it

Stay where you are until he's bought you out. If he moves elsewhere in the meantime that's up to him. You presumably have care of the children, it's their family home, and so you stay there until he's paid you what you're owed and are able to rent or buy elsewhere. You don't go.

Benefits calculator

www.entitledto.co.uk

Even if you feel that you aren’t being abused, there is a useful link here with what to include in your safety packing list - it gives you a list of all the documents you should get hold of and keep safe

www.womenshealth.gov/relationships-and-safety/domestic-violence/leaving-abusive-relationship

Have you had independent legal advice?

You sit tight with the children in the only home they know. Let him move out since he wants to end the marriage. You'll likely get 65:35 in a divorce, favouring the resident parent.
I would brace yourself for a 'new' girlfriend appearing rather quickly, too.

You aren’t married, I assume since you call him ‘other half’ and not ‘husband’, this leaves you with zero legal protection beyond whatever you signed on the mortgage contract.

Please get proper legal advice before moving out.

Do not leave until you’ve taken legal advice OP. Seeing a solicitor should be your priority. Good luck.

You aren’t married, I assume

Rtf op, it clearly states that she is.

As lots of others have said, DO NOT move out until you’ve had proper legal advice.

Hope your doing ok OP? If he's buying you out and your happy with it go and start a fresh. No it will not be easy on the children but you will work it out its all very different try stay positive.

@clitoria

Did you even bother to read before commenting

What's the point ??

OP I would remain in the house until you have received legal advice. I understand that it was his grandparents house but it is currently your children's home and also a joint marital asset. He is the one who wishes to end the relationship and it is unreasonable of him to expect you and the children to find alternative accommodation straight away just because of his previous familial connection to the property.

If you move out and apply for benefits such as universal credit these may stop if you receive a large lump payment (over £16k) from your ex buying you out.

‘Buying you out’ is only a reasonable proposition if it enables you to buy a home for you and the children. Him retaining the family home whilst you and the children are in a rental is not fair. You may need to sell so that you can both have smaller/cheaper properties.

You need legal advice. Don’t say you can’t afford legal advice. Use family money to pay for it.

You need legal advice before doing anything.

You need legal advise. You have assets and children so it's not a simple half each situation.

DO NOT MOVE OUT before you consult a lawyer and have everything in black and white (preferably with the buyout cash in your solely controlled bank account).

Amicable doesn’t mean doing things his way. You are now a single parent and you’ll soon find out that you and your STBEX views on what’s in your children’s interest, aren’t the same.

Move in haste, repent at leisure.