OH wants to end things after 17 years

[diddles52]

Hi all, i'm looking for some advice, my OH wants to end our marriage after 5 years (we've been together 17 years). We have 2 children 11 and 8. ATM we are still living in the same house keeping things normal as the youngest doesn't know anything. I'm moving out with the children but unsure where to start, benefits? housing? id like to know what benefits ill receive so i know what rent i can afford but cant seem to apply for benefits without housing details. im stuck in a loop, please help.

You have a right to that house. After a long marriage with kids you can’t just shuffle off into the night and claim benefits!

You need to tell him NOW TODAY you were still in shock and you are going to rethink thinks. Do not move out do not move the children and go and see a lawyer or two or six...

This man is not your friend any more.

Please be aware;
If you are stay at home/gave up your career it is only fair you receive more than half.
50/50 is a shit offer and not fair on you or the kids.
You should also have some rights to his pension (I’m assuming yours is crap due to staying at home?)

Do not be so naive as to think you can just “claim benefits for rent” if you get a £100k settlement which can’t even buy a studio in London the council aren’t going to saying “okay well here is 2k a month to rent” they are going to make you use that lump sum.

Tread very carefully..:

Stay put for now Op

So you do own your home? Is it jointly?

Can you get free half an hour with local solicitor I was in similar situation recently and did this. Helped me get some facts etc.

So sorry this is happening to your family, do you think there is a chance you may reconcile??

Yes don't move out
Also do you work? Your questions re: benefits suggest not which you know is a precarious position to be in and another reason to stay put

TAKE LEGAL ADVICE, stay put and do not agree to anything until you have.
Put your children first as it would appear your dh is not!
This is your childrens family home and there is such a thing as a Mesher Order whereby you can stay in the family home until the children attain the age of 18 years, then it can be sold and proceeds split.
Do you work? If not any lump sum will affect benefits as you will be expected to live off them until they are almost depleated.

Op I've been through similar recently although we are giving it a go for now.

It's so daunting have you spoken with family and RL friends.

Being married will make things more straightforward re what happens with property and assets etc.

Get legal advice ASAP

My work union also had a free legal line worth a call if you have something similar.

I

Sorry you are going through this op.

But taking from experience I would say make no decisions either way. You are only just beginning to process the end of the relationship. I know I made knee jerk decisions that I regret now.
As others have said, even if it is amicable now, you need legal advice.

This is not just a decision about your needs , but about the rights and future entitlement of your children. Don't let exh put links with late grandparents before his children.

As PPs have stated, stay in the marital home.
See a good solicitor.

15 years cohabitation, married during that time and with 2 small children = a long marriage resident parent marital settlement.

Don't worry about "fairness" and "kindness" - ensure that you obtain the best settlement legally possible for you and your children.

This is it, OP. You get one shot at the financial settlement. Make it count.

You can start the process of benefits as soon as you are separated, you can live in the same house as long as you have separate bank accounts, bedrooms and eat separately (not sure how they prove this)

Please do not move out or agree to anything with him before you have legal advice. If he buys you out he would need to give you enough to buy another house for you and DCs. When my friend split from her exh she got 75pc of equity as they had 2 Dcs.
He should leave

How are you doing Diddles?