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Original poster

Bizarre behaviour??

42 replies

loutyre · 21/09/2019 06:53

I have never known a fully grown man behave this way....

Yesterday me and DH took our little girl to the park. My DH doesn't really do fashion and for that reason never dresses our child but yesterday he put her some clothes on so we could go to the park. He put her in a red Liverpool top and orange pants....anyway that's not the issue.

So we get to the park and another little girl was playing next to my DD. The little girl was trying to interact with my daughter and she asked "what's his name? What's the little boys name?" So I replied "this is a little girl her name is ........." the little girl asked "but why is she dressed like that? Why is she wearing pants?" I laughed it off and just replied "little girls can wear pants too" anyway this little girl followed me and DD for a few minutes just chatting to us and then as I was walking my DD to the swings DH grabs her hand and dragged her away?!? The other little girl looked at me just as confused as I was. So when I asked DH why he pulled our daughter away his reply was "because I don't want her associating with children like that, I will choose who my child plays with and it won't be a little shit that called her a boy". He then buckled DD in car seat and we went home DD screaming because she clearly wasn't finished at the park.

I told him that is "bizarre behaviour" and just said the other little girl must have been about 4, she was a child, a typical no filter, quizzical child. I laughed about it but he hasn't spoken to me since.

OP posts:
Littletonone19 · 21/09/2019 06:58

Has your DH not go much experience of children? Is he always the victim?

Frangible · 21/09/2019 06:59

Unless your four year old is a catwalk model, whether or not your DH ‘does fashion’ is irrelevant to normal parental chores like dressing your child, surely.

Ohdeargodwot · 21/09/2019 07:00

Yeah that is weird. My child has very firm ideas that girls have long hair and wear skirts and boys have short hair and wear trousers and it does NOT come from me. I have spent years patiently pointoing out that i wear trousers, her grandmas have short hair and even googled kilts to really blow her mind! She was 6 before she'd accept wearing jeans herself Hmm

When younger, she would have loudly made these views known, i'd be upset to think someone would take it so personally.

Original poster
loutyre · 21/09/2019 07:04

No he hasn't much experience but he just made the whole trip to the Park very uncomfortable

OP posts:
LaMainDeFatima · 21/09/2019 07:15

When you say orange pants, you mean trousers , right ?

Odd that the other girl has never see a girl wear trousers before

CloudyWithAChance2 · 21/09/2019 07:24

I think every character in this story is fucking bizarre.

bionicnemonic · 21/09/2019 07:27

I suspect he may have been embarrassed that he had dressed her like that and felt responsible for what he saw as an affront (only an affront because of feeling embarrassed) He may need his confidence building with regards to dd?

AttilaTheMeerkat · 21/09/2019 07:30

Why are you with this man loutyre; that is a genuine question.

What is he like with you day to day?. What is he like with sharing the mental load of housework?. Does he expect you to pick up after him?

He made a totally innocuous trip to the park an awful experience for you both along with making this all about him. And he called another child a little shit. And he is still making it all about him because he is not now speaking to you. Do you think he is sulking; if so that is all on and about him as well. Leave him to his sulk and carry on with your day, do not try and at all jolly him around.

Consider your and that of your DDs future within this relationship.

Original poster
loutyre · 21/09/2019 07:40

I think he was embarrassed too. He even said "I don't want her dealing with that confrontation" I work with children and o know they don't have a filter and will ask questions so I found this totally normal and cute that she was talking to my DD and trying to interact with her. We have had a discussion about his day to day with our daughter. He never gets her dressed and I think that's due to me taking over because he throws some strange combos together he doesn't do housework and rarely baths her or brushes her teeth just general things and I lost my mind the other week and called him out on all of this. I haven't acknowledged his sulk. I'm just confused about this whole park trip. I might be the one who is "bizarre" but I can't understand why he did this.

OP posts:
Frangible · 21/09/2019 07:45

The park trip is irrelevant in the grand scheme of things — why do you have a child he doesn’t dress, bath or brush the teeth of? Could this possibly be related to the fact that he doesn’t do housework either?

Littletonone19 · 21/09/2019 07:50

Is also taking her to the park something he doesn’t usually do? And he’s basically just used that as an excuse to cut the time short?

emilybrontescorsett · 21/09/2019 07:50

Do you mean trousers or underpants?
If trousers I find it odd that a child has never seen a female in trousers.
The way to deal with this is to say “ oh anyone can wear what they want, it doesn’t matter if they are a girl or a boy.”
It’s that easy,
Your dh sounds like hard work.
I hope he isn’t an older dad. How the hell will he cope if someone mistakes him for grandad?

AttilaTheMeerkat · 21/09/2019 07:55

Its not you, its him.

What are you getting out of this relationship now?.

What did you learn about relationships when you were growing up?

What is the point of him loutyre; he creates chaos around him and does nothing with his child. Does he see you here as a maid and do you clear up after him too because he does not?. Are you expected to do everything with regards to the home and child by dint of fact you are a woman?.

FuriousVexation · 21/09/2019 08:13

That is a massive overreaction on your DH's part. Although I do find it odd that a 4yr old has apparently never seen other girls wearing trousers... Are you in the US? (You seem to use "pants" for "trousers".) Are you in the Bible Belt if so?

There must be some background to this with your DH. And I'd lay money that it's connected to some deeply held childhood wound. Being jeered at for "dressing/looking like a girl" for example. The sheer OTT response to a fairly innocuous passing comment would indicate, to me, a level of primal pain.

If you look at the bigger picture, does this form part of a pattern of behaviour, or is this completely out of character?

FuriousVexation · 21/09/2019 08:15

Thread moved on while I was slowly replying. A PP mentioned this could have been an excuse to leave the park. Do you think that's a possibility?

category12 · 21/09/2019 08:20

Consider this - if you're both modelling strict gender roles by you doing all the childcare etc and him being a bumbling idiot with it all, it's outrageous to be offended when a little girl voices the same thing.

SarcySue · 21/09/2019 08:21

Trousers are referred to as pants in Ireland!

Original poster
loutyre · 21/09/2019 08:26

We go to parks and play centres a lot if another child approaches he gets uncomfortable the park was his idea yesterday. He can be a little odd at times but this just blew my mind he said on the way home "I can't believe you acknowledged the little girl" I just can't get my head around it.

OP posts:
Pinkflipflop85 · 21/09/2019 08:31

He sounds a bit unhinged! How is his daughter going to learn to socialise if he drags her away every time another child tries to interact with her?!

AttilaTheMeerkat · 21/09/2019 08:35

You have a choice re this man loutyre, your daughter does not.

How is this man going to at all manage when his child goes to school full time and interacts with other children?. His reactions were completely disproportionate all told here.

Do you want to remain with someone like this going forward?. What do you know about your H in terms of his family background, that often gives clues.

Bananalanacake · 21/09/2019 08:48

why does he get uncomfortable if another child approaches. what will happen when she starts school. children need to learn to interact with others.

busybarbara · 21/09/2019 08:51

"pants" Liverpool top? Something isn't adding up here

Original poster
loutyre · 21/09/2019 08:54

Adidas striped tracksuit bottoms. I explained that she is going to make her own friends and you can't control who she befriends "he said I can and I will choose who she socialises with" I was lost for words at this point

OP posts:
bionicnemonic · 21/09/2019 08:54

Just something to ponder. I had a male friend who came to the playground with me and DS. A child was upset and he turned around and walked away. I thought this was really odd but he explained that as a man he felt he had to be very careful how his interaction could be perceived. He didn’t want to be seen talking to a child in case it was misinterpreted

AttilaTheMeerkat · 21/09/2019 08:59

I would seriously consider your future with this man because he cannot and actually should not control who she socialises with.

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